If you're 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?

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kraftiekortie
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11 Aug 2015, 5:52 pm

Wouldn't it be funny if the OP got a girlfriend now?



ProfessorJohn
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11 Aug 2015, 7:03 pm

I am plenty flawed and I found a wife and have been married for almost 16 years. We have a really good marriage. She isn't someone who I just "settled" for either. I had a couple of girlfriends before that as well.

The previous poster had it correct-I was very anxious to speak to females most of my life, and when I did overcome that in college I still had the idea that no one would really want to go out with me. I can look back and see how some females were expressing interest in me but at the time didn't realize it.

Fortunately today there are plenty of websites to learn how to spot these cues, and how to appear more attractive to women. The internet was just starting when I was in the dating world. It would have opened up a whole other source of possibilities if it had been there earlier, but I have learned from KraftieKortie to not assume that that would have made my life better today. There is every possibility that it could have turned out worse.



sly279
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12 Aug 2015, 12:10 am

CupidAardvark wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
314pe wrote:
specialsauce wrote:
Unlike OP I'm not bitter about the past I could have had. I'm just worried about the future I might not be able to have.
Me too. I think being single at this age is a good indication that there's something wrong.
thats how women see it. "red flag, if women avoided him all his life something must be horribly wrong with him"
That's quite a catch-22.

Maybe there's a little something wrong with all of us but most women don't expect guys to be perfect. No one is perfect.


but they do. they want the perfect guy. so any flaw and you get booted out from the pool of possible guys.



Tons of non-perfect men nevertheless manage to find wives and girlfriends. Clearly, women happily and regularly date non-perfect men.

The issue doesn't seem to be that women boot out ALL imperfect men from the dating pool, it's that women consistently boot imperfect YOU from the dating pool.

What are the other non-perfect men doing differently? Other than being employed, financially stable (not rich, stable), willing to undertake new activities rather than sticking with the tried and true videogames and wetshaving?


or 1. they settle settle settle. somethings better then noting and when better omes along you can always leave the current guy. 2. they see perfect differently.

yep you're standard post. blame the guy always the guys fault.



sly279
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12 Aug 2015, 12:13 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
rdos wrote:
sly279 wrote:
but they do. they want the perfect guy. so any flaw and you get booted out from the pool of possible guys.
It's a tool for handling a dating pool of 100,000s of people. If you dislike it, go with IRL instead where this doesn't happen (at least not at much).
A dating pools of 100,000s? I don't think there are a 100,000 men to each woman. It's more like 1 to 1. That means there's hope for everyone because as soon as the 1 in 100,000 Mr Perfect guy is taken, there'll still be 99,999 women left for the remaining 99,999 men.

Anyway, the reason why it's hard for most AS guys to get a girl, IMO, it's not the girls' fault. It's often because we're just too shy around girls. When I was younger I was hit on by various girls and I was too shy to respond. When I was a bit older I dated various girls and they thought I was a cold fish (remember to make physical contact as soon as possible or your date will be disappointed).

Not only that, but since we're largely blind to body language and subtlety, think of all the times girls were hitting on us and we didn't even notice. The fault is not with women but in ourselves. Don't feel guilty about it, you're just not wired to connect. Don't blame it on women, it's not their fault if you don't notice them hitting on you. Don't worry about how rich you are. Plenty of poor guys get the girl. If girls from all classes only went after rich guys, the human race would have died out long ago.


they hold out for mr perfect. they dont' know hes already taken. so they keep looking for him til its too late.
I meet tons of girls idea guy except 1 or 2 things usually well off decent job.

or she'll acuse you of sexual assualt. women here said dont' make any contact til the girl ask or you ask first and get a bunch of yeses.

women don't hit on me, nts I go out with say they don't too so not just me.



sly279
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12 Aug 2015, 12:18 am

ProfessorJohn wrote:
I am plenty flawed and I found a wife and have been married for almost 16 years. We have a really good marriage. She isn't someone who I just "settled" for either. I had a couple of girlfriends before that as well.

The previous poster had it correct-I was very anxious to speak to females most of my life, and when I did overcome that in college I still had the idea that no one would really want to go out with me. I can look back and see how some females were expressing interest in me but at the time didn't realize it.

Fortunately today there are plenty of websites to learn how to spot these cues, and how to appear more attractive to women. The internet was just starting when I was in the dating world. It would have opened up a whole other source of possibilities if it had been there earlier, but I have learned from KraftieKortie to not assume that that would have made my life better today. There is every possibility that it could have turned out worse.


but all the cues can also and likely will be just being friendly. this girl at worked showed so many cues that would be considered flirting. so I tried to ask her out. shes just being friendly. women you see working when you're out are paid to be friendly which again are also signs of flirting but its just business. so the lady at a coffee shop smiles at you. is she flirting or just smiling at customers like shes paid to do?

I'm told to smile ast customers too. I'm not flirting with them.

the lady looking back at me is she fliritng or is she looking back wondering why that guy is looking at her and creeped out?

every time its been the latter. so seems safer and logical to assume people don't flirt then to assume all of them are flirting and get women upset at you all the time. :S



RetroGamer87
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12 Aug 2015, 12:22 am

ProfessorJohn wrote:
I am plenty flawed and I found a wife and have been married for almost 16 years. We have a really good marriage. She isn't someone who I just "settled" for either. I had a couple of girlfriends before that as well.

The previous poster had it correct-I was very anxious to speak to females most of my life, and when I did overcome that in college I still had the idea that no one would really want to go out with me. I can look back and see how some females were expressing interest in me but at the time didn't realize it.

Fortunately today there are plenty of websites to learn how to spot these cues, and how to appear more attractive to women. The internet was just starting when I was in the dating world. It would have opened up a whole other source of possibilities if it had been there earlier, but I have learned from KraftieKortie to not assume that that would have made my life better today. There is every possibility that it could have turned out worse.
But how did you stop regretting the past?

Even now that I've got a girlfriend I can't stop regretting the years I didn't have one, the missed opportunities, how I didn't get one at the normal age. Every time I see a teenager I'm filled hatred and rage. I assume they must be in a relationship. I assume they're getting better grades than I did it in school and they probably picked harder subjects as well. It's like I'm projecting my own self-loathing onto them. Hell, I don't even know what my grades were because my crappy school decided to adopt a bizarre grading system instead of the familiar A - F one.

Every time I see a 20 year old I assume they must be in a relationship and how can they be in university when I'm only in a cheap community college? There were girls who were into me when I was younger. If I had done things just a bit differently. I don't blame others, I blame myself. I always blame myself. "It's all my fault" is like a broken record in my head.

I know these thoughts are irrational but I can't stop thinking them. I feel like I'm going mad. How can I stop comparing myself to everyone else? Regretting the past? Worrying about how old I was when I reached certain milestones? I feel like I'm going insane. All this thinking is exhausting. How can I regain control of my own mind?


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nurseangela
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12 Aug 2015, 12:35 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
ProfessorJohn wrote:
I am plenty flawed and I found a wife and have been married for almost 16 years. We have a really good marriage. She isn't someone who I just "settled" for either. I had a couple of girlfriends before that as well.

The previous poster had it correct-I was very anxious to speak to females most of my life, and when I did overcome that in college I still had the idea that no one would really want to go out with me. I can look back and see how some females were expressing interest in me but at the time didn't realize it.

Fortunately today there are plenty of websites to learn how to spot these cues, and how to appear more attractive to women. The internet was just starting when I was in the dating world. It would have opened up a whole other source of possibilities if it had been there earlier, but I have learned from KraftieKortie to not assume that that would have made my life better today. There is every possibility that it could have turned out worse.
But how did you stop regretting the past?

Even now that I've got a girlfriend I can't stop regretting the years I didn't have one, the missed opportunities, how I didn't get one at the normal age. Every time I see a teenager I'm filled hatred and rage. I assume they must be in a relationship. I assume they're getting better grades than I did it in school and they probably picked harder subjects as well. It's like I'm projecting my own self-loathing onto them. Hell, I don't even know what my grades were because my crappy school decided to adopt a bizarre grading system instead of the familiar A - F one.

Every time I see a 20 year old I assume they must be in a relationship and how can they be in university when I'm only in a cheap community college? There were girls who were into me when I was younger. If I had done things just a bit differently. I don't blame others, I blame myself. I always blame myself. "It's all my fault" is like a broken record in my head.

I know these thoughts are irrational but I can't stop thinking them. I feel like I'm going mad. How can I stop comparing myself to everyone else? Regretting the past? Worrying about how old I was when I reached certain milestones? I feel like I'm going insane. All this thinking is exhausting. How can I regain control of my own mind?


Start a gratitude journal and everyday write down at least one thing you are thankful for in your life (or more). Read over it several times a day especially when your negative thoughts show up. I'm going to have to do that myself because I'm getting in a funk from not hitting "milestones" that everyone else I know has done. A big one - no kids for me. Even though I don't know if I'd ever want any, the choice is gone and I can't get it back. I also wish I had went to a 4 yr college (I went to a community college), but now I was just accepted into one of the biggest Universities in Kansas (it's just several years later). I guess I'm a late bloomer. You gotta focus in the positives in your life. I'm finding out things aren't always going to happen like you want.


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RetroGamer87
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12 Aug 2015, 12:40 am

A gratitude journal? That's a good idea.

I guess I just have to stop assuming that everyone else has a perfect life. Many do but not everyone.

Even when people say they're suffering I take it to mean they have a greater capacity to endure suffering than me but that's probably not what it's supposed to mean.


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kraftiekortie
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12 Aug 2015, 12:44 am

It's not like you're some old geezer. You're still a young guy.



sly279
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12 Aug 2015, 12:56 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
It's not like you're some old geezer. You're still a young guy.

0-24 is young.



nurseangela
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12 Aug 2015, 1:14 am

sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
It's not like you're some old geezer. You're still a young guy.

0-24 is young.


You know sly, don't you ever get tired of always being such a negative person? Every time one of your posts comes up, I just know its something negative. Why don't you try being positive just once - or is that too much of a stretch for you? It reminds me of my father - everything negative and if something bad happened to someone else he could find something worse that happened to him. He just sucks the life right out of a person - all that negative energy he puts out actually just drags other people down who are around him. You want a guaranteed way if keeping people away from you, just keep up all the negative talk and you'll clear out rooms cause no one wants to be around negative Ned constantly. Geez.


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


auntblabby
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12 Aug 2015, 1:41 am

in this negative world, it is many many MANY times harder to be positive than negative, it is like trying to fight gravity- it requires constant energy that never flags, or else it will get the upper hand and drag you down.



sly279
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12 Aug 2015, 1:50 am

nurseangela wrote:
sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
It's not like you're some old geezer. You're still a young guy.

0-24 is young.


You know sly, don't you ever get tired of always being such a negative person? Every time one of your posts comes up, I just know its something negative. Why don't you try being positive just once - or is that too much of a stretch for you? It reminds me of my father - everything negative and if something bad happened to someone else he could find something worse that happened to him. He just sucks the life right out of a person - all that negative energy he puts out actually just drags other people down who are around him. You want a guaranteed way if keeping people away from you, just keep up all the negative talk and you'll clear out rooms cause no one wants to be around negative Ned constantly. Geez.

whenever I'm happy people like you come and crush it and any hopes of ever being happy again. only conclusion is I'm not meant to be happy in positive. people dont' like me being funny, happy or positive.

world crushes positive and happy people like auntblabby said. I only learned not to fight it anymore. climbing and falling and repeating it over and over is worse. if you stay on the ground it won't hurt when you fall. if you climb you're only going to get hurt far worse.



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12 Aug 2015, 1:54 am

CupidAardvark wrote:
What are the other non-perfect men doing differently? Other than being employed, financially stable (not rich, stable), willing to undertake new activities rather than sticking with the tried and true videogames and wetshaving?

Other than that, they're slightly taller, fitter, better looking and have better social skills. They're simply less non-perfect.



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12 Aug 2015, 1:56 am

^^^
have better genes and upbringing also. less addlement overall. less health problems.



mahendar
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12 Aug 2015, 2:20 am

It wasn't too late to not having a girl friend till now. may be some better person waiting for you...