How do females respond to 'broken' males?

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I dated a neurotypical girl for a few months. I told her at the start that I had problems with depression and alcohol. She said it was ok, we could work through it. Then one day, just as my most recent bout of depression was starting, she decided she didn't "want me to change for her." This was, I now have reason to believe, code for saying she had found someone new. That's what I've seen happen to "damaged." guys.

Mine was similar. She claimed that she loved me for me. Later in our relationship, though (about a year in) I got off my medication, seeing as I no longer needed it anymore. Suddenly, she told me that she didn't love me anymore because she liked me better on the medication. She then proceeded to drag all sorts of problems that she'd apparently kept hidden into the equation. She didn't like that I was so serious. She hated the types of books I read. She hated the people I was with. She hated the fact that I don't like people... the list went on an on. Thus, we just called it off. A few days later, I meet this guy who claims he's been dating her for almost four months (aka it intersects with my dating her).

-TB

Exactly. They ignore them.

Exactly, and I would have hoped not Christians as well, but alas. In my church diocese, women outnumber men 2 to 1. Yet the young ladies all see themselves sort of as Christian version of princesses - there is always implicit talk about how it would be great to be married to a pastor/future pastor, how it's such a privilege and responsibility to be a spouse of someone who is bringing glory to God etc, in fact there is even a sermon I have on CD by Phillip Jensen, who I and many regard highly, saying how it's a shame so many Christian women go unmarried and childless which he blames on men being immature and not getting their lives sorted and not asking them out early enough!! And yet how many rejections have I had!! But no one would dare suggest that women are sinful, unrealistic, etc etc

Well, it really depends on the guy's personality and what the issues are. If he thinks he might be gay, I probably won't date him...

BUT...

I have a special love for people who are broken. Perhaps it's unhealthy, but I like my guy to have some problems we can talk about.

HOWEVER...

He has to be able to talk about my problems with me too.

Not very well

I'd prefer that type over the confident, assertive types, me being more of an "alpha" kind of person myself and liable to butt heads with people who might try to overpower me, on two conditions. The first is that they're doing the best they can with what they have, as has been discussed in this thread. The second is that they have to be at least strong-willed enough to be loyal - even when the going gets tough, I do not want to worry about being stabbed in the back.

But aside from that... I could go out every day and fight the entire world, and I'd be alright as long as I know I could come back to a place where I'm safe with a person who would (or perhaps could) never willingly hurt me. I'd be willing to provide comfort and protection of the more obvious form, just as long as I received it in the form of knowing I'm safe from mistreatment or abandonment by the one person I should be able to believe in.

And as for issues... my parents have sometimes described me as the type to "take in broken puppies," being drawn to damaged people and trying to help them. To a certain extent, it is that I find something appealing about frailty... the kind of person who obviously needs a big hug. But really, how could I relate to anyone who didn't have serious issues anyways? How could they understand me? Unfortunately this tendency of mine has come to bite me in the ass a number of times - usually at the hands of people who I would classify as TRULY broken and weak, bullies, people who don't have the strength to look at their issues and punish completely innocent people for them instead - but I want to believe that there are other people like me who have been through the bad, but want something more than for it to keep being repeated over and over again in their lives.

My reasons might be weird, and even a bit messed up, but I could be said to like "broken" people as the OP describes them.

men are like a linoleum floor, lay them right the first time and you can walk on them forever. . .

Both my ex's had low self esteem. The first one was paranoid about life. When he had a bank account he would call them like every half hour to see how much money he has in there because he was afraid someone might have hacked into his account and taken his money so he always had to be sure it was there. His paranoia drove me crazy so I told him only way people will get into his account is if he gives away his personal information like social security number, card number, checking account number, and he was also afraid someone can come into our house while we are gone so I kept our door locked even though we lived out in the country. He also didn't want to store his swords out in the chicken house because he was afraid they would rust so he hung them on the wall in my house. He also had lot of these weird beliefs about how our country works and I told him that was wrong and the gov does not do that. He might have been a schizo.


My other ex had lot of negative thoughts and didn't think he was very independent because his car wasn't fancy enough, he didn't make good enough money for himself and he complain sometimes that if his school let him take computer class, he would have been more successful because it would give him more experiance to find work and it give him more job openings and he would have a fancy car. He was also very negative towards gays and called them fags and he thought adults were stupid for wearing Disney characters on their clothes or cartoon characters and had a problem with me liking kid shows and kid games and McDonald Toys. He had so many negative thoughts and about himself. He didn't see himself as normal and I did and then I realized his thinking is strange because he was so negative and thought Spongebob was for kids but I told him it's also for adults too because you see it on men boxers or on shirts and he goes "But then it goes in the clearance section because no one wants it on their clothes." He was so ignorant and when I correct him, he wouldn't listen. I just stay away from those people now. But now that I am married, I don't have to have that anymore by running from men when they are that way.


I could not fix my ex's so I was not going to stay with them to keep trying because you can't fix someone if they don't want to change their thinking or work on their problems. My first one didn't think he had any problems so he didn't work on anything and he just found excuses and played games with me and tried to manipulate me a few times.

nope..It depends..

If you could find a girl with a very great personality(like with morals,kind,patient,understanding,etc...),she would likely tell you to be optimistic and ofcourse,at first,you won't do it and she'll try to convince you and as it goes along,you might like her and vice versa.

The hard thing is,only 1 out of 100 girls are like this

it's probably true, i've yet to be "laid right" or wrong but we shall see..

I'm irresistably attracted to 'tortured souls.' Eg a man who is constantly struggling with a difficult issue of some sort. Does that count as broken?

^
yes that does. You would definitely find me the tortured type. Pity, we live so far away.

Not sure about that. It's usually (or at the very least, coupled with) a physical affliction of some sort (rather sadistic of me) and I haven't actually experienced it much in real life. Mostly just in fantasy characters.

Where have you been all my life?!

@ mith: Really, a physical affliction. Hmmm, would that be like someone with cancer or something like that? Well, that wouldn't be me, but you I know I am also attracted to someone who may be in some physical and emotional pain. Like someone in a wheelchair or someone who may be blind. Again just like you I haven't experienced it in real life. I guess I feel more acceptable to someone who society may deem as unnacceptable. Btw, I don't think that's sadistic. Especially if you're feel you can be more of a love to that person, when probably someone else wouldn't.