Does woman taking initiative scare the man?

Page 5 of 6 [ 95 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

PlatedDrake
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Aug 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,365
Location: Piedmont Region, NC, USA

14 Oct 2009, 2:22 pm

SINsister wrote:

Merle wrote:

Well, if he does want to get asked out "just once"

It's not all it's cut out to be, but until you experience it, I guess you always wonder.

Over the years, I've discovered that it really doesn't matter what I look like, or what I'm wearing - whether it be something "dressy" (rarely) or "girly" (very rarely), whether I've been totally g0thed out (for an evening, which was nearly every weekend for many years; toned *way* down for day), or whether I dress as I normally do when wandering about (which is an uber-casual uniform of jeans/tees/Chucks/hoodie) - guys ignore me. End of.

Sounds like they find something about you intimidating. Got an idea for you, something i learned from a "Date Doctor" that had a presentation at a college i went to. Think of your most favorite animal, beit real or mythical, and name 3 or more of its traits that you find highly characteristic/appealing. I'll tell you the meaning after your response . . . you might find it interesting.

Merle
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Oct 2007
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 514
Location: Lake Tahoe

14 Oct 2009, 3:03 pm

SINsister wrote:

Merle wrote:

Well, if he does want to get asked out "just once"

It's not all it's cut out to be, but until you experience it, I guess you always wonder.

Maybe it's different for guys, but if you 'dress up', there's a greater chance of being hit on. The second thing that works is a change of scenery. My 'success' rate is lower in jeans & t-shirt than if I put on some nice pants (khaki's, slacks, newer jeans) and a shirt with buttons. In addition, depending on where I hang - a dive bar versus a club versus a bar in a nice hotel, the likelihood of a smile, intro or a 'bump' is better.

Now, I am the first to admit that you don't wear polo's and khaki's to a metal concert, so you have to use your judgement. But if you look 'better' than the guys next to you, you'll increase your chances.

For women, I don't know. I never really looked at the bags, shoes or tops. The outfits don't beckon to me like they do other people. There are specific phenotypes I dig and they're pretty apparent regardless of the clothing, makeup, etc.

Quote:

Sounds like they find something about you intimidating.

I'll second that. However, that is a piece which attracts me to specific women. If there is that 'trait', I'll home in. Furled brow, hair style, dark eye shadow, piercings, specific clothing, something which says "danger" or "stay away", well, I'm drawn in.

SINsister
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 May 2005
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,435
Location: Pandaria

14 Oct 2009, 5:00 pm

PlatedDrake wrote:

Sounds like they find something about you intimidating.

Could be - I *am* 6'1", after all. Oh, and I'm also a member of Mensa.

_________________
Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

~Steve Jobs

Merle
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Oct 2007
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 514
Location: Lake Tahoe

14 Oct 2009, 11:44 pm

SINsister wrote:

PlatedDrake wrote:

Sounds like they find something about you intimidating.

Could be - I *am* 6'1", after all. Oh, and I'm also a member of Mensa.

Now you're just bragging, j/k.

A lot of shorter guys have 'complexes' (e.g. Napolean, temper) and if the women is taller it causes problems in finding appropriate dates (in talking to women I've gone out with who are taller than 6' they want to wear heels, don't want to stare at top of the guys head, guys always staring at the chest, etc.). In addition, most guys don't want a woman who is smarter than they are.

But on the plus side, you probably now have 60+ PM's

Daemonic-Jackal
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Feb 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 581
Location: Salford, United Kingdom

15 Oct 2009, 7:28 am

Merle wrote:

Thought of changing your appearance, temporarily? If your avatar is you, I can see a a lot of 'middle of the roaders' wary of the way you look and assume you are unapproachable.

It is me, but the hair isnt real thats a wig, and the pic is from a stag party where we all went out as 80's hair metallers.

The profile pics on my facebook and myspace (link is in my signature) are what I really look like. I don't dress 'rock and roll' all the time, sometimes my apperance is 'normal'

Besides delibrately changing my apperance would defy logic anyway, cus if I was to be asked out by someone they would be asking out what they've seen, not who I really am.

_________________
"Every cripple has his own way of walking. " ? Brendan Behan

http://www.facebook.com/YentonianCarlos

PlatedDrake
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Aug 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,365
Location: Piedmont Region, NC, USA

15 Oct 2009, 7:55 am

Daemonic-Jackal wrote:

Besides delibrately changing my apperance would defy logic anyway, cus if I was to be asked out by someone they would be asking out what they've seen, not who I really am.

That is the idealistic nature, and what people want to believe, and what is stated in movies, but reality is a bitch-slap to the face on this topic. We all want to believe this, and we're raised with it, but appearance is a good percentage of the law. Status and hygiene is what is all boils down to with the middle class. Its one of those things that society teaches, but doesnt follow. For example, if you're going to an interview and you're only wearing T-shirt and jeans, you may as well not show up at all, but if you wear something close to "Sunday's Best" you have a chance. Same with dating, or attempting. From what ive seen, most people do the fake thing, get married, then let go as their real self. Why they do that, I dont know. First impressions and all I guess . . . but then that seems to lead to the typical divorce issues (affairs, etc). Id much rather appear as is now, then depending on the person im with, i could be convinced to improve myself naturally. But, thats idealism for you . . .

SINsister
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 May 2005
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,435
Location: Pandaria

15 Oct 2009, 8:09 am

Merle wrote:

But on the plus side, you probably now have 60+ PM's

As if.

PlatedDrake
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Aug 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,365
Location: Piedmont Region, NC, USA

15 Oct 2009, 10:26 am

Well, id say it depends on the individual. Defensive women would like a man to step forward with his interest, and defensive men would like the woman to step forward . . . well, to be politically correct, defensive personalities want their orientation choice to step forward. I know im a defensive male, and it would make my day to know if a woman had any interest in me.

HondaZx2
Hummingbird

Joined: 14 Oct 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 23
Location: Colorado, USA

15 Oct 2009, 10:50 am

I'm new to this site.
~anyways following the subject matter~
I would love if a gal would approach me.

Oddly enough, that has happened to me several times, and because I am "dense" I honestly did not know.
Funny story to go with that; Gal I liked in highschool, (she liked me too, i later found out via year book writings), cornered me in a dark hallway and put her hands in my pockets diggen around, while asking me what I had in there. In retrospec, she may have well punched me in the face with a sign saying to date her. Such is life!

polymathpoolplayer
Velociraptor

Joined: 11 Aug 2009
Age: 78
Gender: Male
Posts: 473

16 Oct 2009, 9:35 pm

Shebakoby wrote:

I mean on first approach. Does a woman asking a guy out invariably terrify a man, causing insta-dealbreaker/rejection? I have been told that it does, and that men do not want a woman that is too forward. Mom's told me it's not my 'job' to make the first move. I have to wait for a guy to show interest.

OK from an oldster's perspective: I know it will sound like male vanity but one day when I was bemoaning my lack of success with women I actually did a spreadsheet consisting of categories like 'who I liked who did not return the same affection, the women I've done "stuff" with, those who were mutually attracted to me but one or both of us were in a relationship', etc., and much to my surprise I found that out of 103 women that I could have gone out with/did go out with/was flatly rejected by, etc. there were only TWO who asked me out that I said no to (we men aren't exactly picky by female standards!!) - and BTW I found out my success rate was a lot higher than I thought, but just not with the HOT chicks!! ! LOL

polymathpoolplayer
Velociraptor

Joined: 11 Aug 2009
Age: 78
Gender: Male
Posts: 473

16 Oct 2009, 9:47 pm

lotusblossom wrote:

If someone likes you they will approach you if you smile at them and make eye contact. I read it in a leil lowndes book and tried it and it works.

I think lack of eye contact and failure to smile is a big problem for aspies in dating and is easily rectified.

If you want to go up and chat to him, I think that is fine but just make sure you look him in the eyes and smile!

(prolonged eyecontact sets off peoples brain chemicals leading to arousal)

Mainly true except even NTs who are shy/are thunderstruck tend to not look in the eye, so as stated in other similar threads the lack of smile/eye contact proves nothing without interpreting other facts.

And although I learned to smile and look a woman in the eyes, I gotta say that looking to me is akin to announcing I want to "do it" with her so I tend to curtail the length of my eye contact - I mean she's a woman she's gonna know that by making contact with her I am likely "announcing" that I would prefer to want to have sex with her unless it's just a strict work-place thing - plus if I turn that eye contact into a stare I am turning myself into a stalker - so men have this fine line they have to not only understand, but implement as well, but more to the point IMPLEMENT CORRECTLY - and this may vary depending on the personality/mood of the woman - so IMHO it's a miracle that men even continue to bother with the odds against them like this, and which is the main reason I can think of that so many men get depressed, way more than due to little setbacks in their careers.

Ligea_Seroua
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Jan 2009
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 555

16 Oct 2009, 10:00 pm

polymathpoolplayer wrote:

lotusblossom wrote:

Mainly true except even NTs who are shy/are thunderstruck tend to not look in the eye., so as stated in other similar threads the lack of smile/eye contact proves nothing without interpreting other facts.

Probably good advice about the eye contact, however if I make eye contact with people either my eyes leak tears, I do the comedy style turn round to see what they are looking at thing, or worse of all, apparently I drop my gaze then look them up and down in a way that appears very dismissive. (Assuming I've not done my usual thing and made the paranoid assumption they are staring because I look/have done something weird) I've tried to work on this, and the end result was a furtive left to right cartoon character eye behaviour

_________________
Other people are people too.

polymathpoolplayer
Velociraptor

Joined: 11 Aug 2009
Age: 78
Gender: Male
Posts: 473

16 Oct 2009, 10:08 pm

lotusblossom wrote:

It comes off as creepy if people of either gender ask someone out who they dont know.

I beg to differ. The best relationships I've ever had were "cold calls", that is: I chatted her up and got her number. WAY more successful than being previous friends, going on blind dates, or set ups thru friends/family all THOSE fell apart or were half-baked attempts - and the internet - FUGGEDABOUDIT - I met one sociopath and one who was nuts and that was the end for me - from now on it's going to be cold calls IRL.

And why is that considered creepy? because it's too forward and HONEST.

MagnusArmstrong
Deinonychus

Joined: 9 Jul 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 373
Location: Rhode Island

16 Oct 2009, 10:43 pm

I would welcome it because I am shy around the opposite sex.That is my mom or other family.Though I feel most comfortble around my mom.

_________________
When will they learn,all Humans are equaly inferior to robots-Bender
You idiots I said Peaberry this is sandalwood,Bender if you cant push sandalwood your not cut out for this league.

lotusblossom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,994

17 Oct 2009, 3:50 am

polymathpoolplayer wrote:

lotusblossom wrote:

It comes off as creepy if people of either gender ask someone out who they dont know.

not because its too forward and honest (Im very forward and honest)

but because they dont know them, it appears that the person is only interested in the outer package if they ask for a date when they do not know you.

I think a lot of turn downs Ive had have been from 'playing my hand' to early and not being patient enough, the person had to get to know me better as friends before they commited to dating. Probably expecially with aspies who probably bahave in ways on first impression that gives 'warning signals' to potential dates.

david_42
Sea Gull

Joined: 18 Oct 2009
Age: 74
Gender: Male
Posts: 216
Location: PNW, USA

20 Oct 2009, 3:45 pm

Quote:

In my experience if I ask a man out directly it leads to a rejection.

Oddly enough, the same thing happens to most men most of the time when they ask women out. Dating is mainly about being rejected. So, either accept a 95% failure rate and keep trying or sit and wait.

Page 5 of 6 [ 95 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 Next

Jump to:

Does woman taking initiative scare the man? Post Reply New Topic

Does woman taking initiative scare the man?