"Better than Nothing"

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Those were the only two Christian Aspies who liked the Simpsons and South Park, who I was sexually compatible with.

I really hope you are joking, because there really are the silliest criteria I've ever heard someone could possibly have to consider someone girlfriend material. That line is so hilarious....

So if you're not joking.... Get yourself some more realistic criteria !

...that you've met, Tim, the only two you've met. Not the only ones in the world. You've barely scratched the surface of potential people to meet, and the more you fixate on those two... the less you will able to see the others, and the less attractive you will appear to them when you do meet them.


m.

Why are you so fixated on Simpsons, Southpark, and sex? Those are right at the bottom of the list, for what I would consider dating someone. Two people would have to be virtually identical in all other respects for me to consider those.

You should really consider rearranging things, as I'm sure if you found your 'ideal woman' you would just be miserable. She would become either too domineering or too submissive, might even just have a bad attitude in general. You need something more solid than TV shows and fetishes as dating criteria.

I wouldn't be surprised if women run off just because you used those as your filters. I don't mean to be hostile, but you should try listening for a change. Posting these threads isn't going to magically draw your other half to your side. You're just going to find people offering sympathy or advice on what to do different.

Something has to change. You could use a better approach, better filter, even change small things about yourself. Get in shape, wear better clothes. Your situation won't change until you learn to adapt.

But for that you will HAVE to abandon silly demands. It really makes no sense to demand a woman is Christian conservative but also into oral sex, the Simpsons, South Park, etc. Either you're just trying to fool yourself by purposely fixating on unrealistic criteria while telling yourself that you can't get a girlfriend as you've tried with all the interesting ones just to avoid actually talking to a few dozen women or you have a completely wrong image of what a relationship with a woman is all about. Anyway, if you're really serious about getting yourself a girlfriend you NEED TO change your criteria.

Tim is welcome to have whatever criteria he chooses; he is the only one affected by his choices there. It doesn't preclude him meeting someone, just severely restricts the opportunities based on some unusual criteria. But he is the only one hurt or served benefit from his decisions as to his criteria for a partner. What concerns me is that Tim seems to based his expectations about all other people on the basis of his experience with one (or at best, a small number) of experiences. Each single event seems to create an absolute rule that further restricts the chance of successfully finding someone.


M.

Indeed. I know that people with AS are supposed to be inflexible in several areas, but this is almost a charicature of inflexibility and seriously I believe he really should become a hell of a lot more flexible in this area and probably many other areas if he's ever to live a satisfied life.

What one looks for in a woman shouldn't really have such a huge impact, to be honest. I, for one, just want a woman to love me and be with me (whether she wanted sex or not is up to her, I don't care either way). In theory, women of widely varying personality types have at least the potential to be compatible with me. I also talk to lots of women and become friends with them. And yet, I've got it even worse than super-selective Tim. All those women I become friends with are only interested in being friends, and the only friend who was gracious enough to try and progress further ended up regretting it in the end.

In a friend, women want a man they can trust, they can talk openly to, who's emotional and who's intelligent.

In a lover, women want a man who's self-confident, smooth and under control of the situation.

If you fit in the first category but not the second, this explains your situation. I'm no different myself. The only thing you can do in such a situation is to TRY to become more self-confident, smooth and under control. And if you aren't, at least pretend to be.

In my experience, there is little a woman is less turned off by then a man who's insecure and socially ackward. Yet, the only thing to do anything about that is precisely to talk with more people in more and more diverse social situations.

I thought that in order for a relationship to be stable, your lover should also be your friend...

Even if that were true (I don't know), that doesn't imply that you first have to be friends in order to be lovers. Maybe sexual attraction develops before friendship and camaraderie.

I started out self-confident with the two women I mentioned, but the first one I mentioned stated that she couldn't do a long-distance relationship, and at the time, she wasn't ready for a relationship with anybody. So I waited until she was ready, and I waited to see where she would move. I was still a college student at the time, and when she made a decision where she wanted to move, assuming it wasn't where I was going to school, my plan was to either transfer to a college close to where she was, or drop out of college altogether and move to where she was. She had gotten wind of it, and that's when she accused me of having a weak personality. When I got upset about it, it was then that she accused me of needing emotional support.

She said she would consider dating me if she moved to the town where I was, but not if she moved anywhere else. She mentioned the distance issue was the big obstacle, and I was willing to do whatever it took to make the relationship happen, even if it meant giving up my hopes and dreams. But it wasn't good enough for her. You had to already be living there when she moved. She wasn't going to compromise on that.

As for the other girl, I started out talking to her every day, but I was in school over the summer, and after a couple of weeks, I could only talk to her on the weekends because of the course load. She may have taken it as a sign of disinterest, which was not true. She really liked talking to me, and was even considering a relationship with me. But because of my schedule. she thought I wasn't interested because I wasn't online every day (it was usually late at night, and I couldn't just go without sleep, either). But I really was interested.

These women aren't conservatives. They are just stupid and immature. Just because someone is educated does not make them intelligent.

It is more common for your lover to become your best friend than for your best friend to become your lover. Once a woman considers you her friend she is less likely to see you as potential boyfriend material.

I feel that the only type of person who will date me is someone who is so insecure, that she will be controlling, and I would submit, because she is afraid that I might leave her.

And to make matters worse regarding the sexual issues, sex toys are illegal in Texas, and Gov. Perry wants to reinstate the sodomy laws that were repealed a few years ago.