Who here has never been in a relationship?

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Mikelight
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15 Apr 2010, 3:42 am

MrDiamondMind wrote:

Are females really that hard to keep? Why did your girlfriend leave you? Was there nothing you could have said or done to change her mind about leaving? I think that if I were in such a situation I would have been able to make her reconsider leaving me. Sorry if this sounds rude, but if I ever got a hold of someone I would leave such a strong imprint in her mind, that if she ever left me the world would look bland & boring to her without my uniqueness.

If anyone ever feels that way about anyone else then there is something seriously wrong with them. No person should ever be the reason for your happiness. They should enhance what you have going on, not be everything that's going on. That would be pretty obsessive of them and totally unhealthy.

Wrackspurt
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15 Apr 2010, 8:13 am

MrDiamondMind wrote:

Miss hale bopp, you are a female and wouldn't understand. Looks are much more important to males than they are to females. This is a fact about human psychology. Like I said, I'm not happy about it, but there's nothing I can do.

You've not mentioned what you look like. Woman aren't blind either, we do however (even autistic) have more compassion. Try getting to know someone for a period of time without the visual, you might be surprised how attracted you become.

HopeGrows
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15 Apr 2010, 1:18 pm

Mikelight wrote:

MrDiamondMind wrote:

I second Mikelight's opinion on this, but wanted to take it a step further. OP, part of being in a relationship involves ceding total control of your life to a power greater than yourself: the relationship. I'm attempting a little humor here, but there's no behavior you can engage in that's guaranteed to "keep" a female. I certainly want to encourage every guy/girl out there to be attentive, flexible, supportive, a good listener, GGG, etc. - those are attributes that will enhance a relationship. But even when you do your best, you're only half of the equation. You can be dumped for reasons that have nothing to do with you. Being dumped will surely impact you, but it's very possible that it's just not about you (bad timing, different relationship goals, job transfer, ex returns/never really left, someone new enters the picture, etc.)

Also, while you may or may not believe in the whole concept of "soulmates," you definitely shouldn't expect your first gf to be your soulmate. Think about it....how many people do you hear about marrying the first person they dated? And how many of that small group is actually happily married? You should expect to date a lot of different people before you meet "the one" - that means you shouldn't expect permanency as the outcome of your first relationship.

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01001011
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15 Apr 2010, 4:35 pm

Count me in. Not even a potential date. This thing always look like dark magic to me

MrDiamondMind
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15 Apr 2010, 7:25 pm

Quote:

You've not mentioned what you look like.

I won't make the mention myself, but other people have told me that I am attractive, and I have been the object of much attraction since being ~17 years of age.

Quote:

Try getting to know someone for a period of time

How do I do that? Where do I find such a person?

Quote:

You should expect to date a lot of different people before you meet "the one"

I'm having great difficulty with getting that first one. Getting to several will be even harder. And getting to "the one" might be impossible.

DemonAbyss10
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16 Apr 2010, 8:34 am

well, if I wanted to be a total douchebag, I could say something along the lines of "everyone should just stop reproducing, the human virus is already way out of control." but I wont, im trying to be more positive for once, and in turn, I have no f*****g clue what to say :/

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astaut
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16 Apr 2010, 11:01 pm

MrDiamondMind wrote:

astaut, I should have mentioned this, but you're a female and that makes it easier.

On the assumption that you haven't been a male and a female, I don't see how you could know. I also don't understand why one would think that having/finding a relationship would be easier because one is female. Yes, I'm a female and I've been in a relationship; but not every female out there is just like me, her experience may be extremely different than mine.

JP88
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16 Apr 2010, 11:13 pm

Not only have I never been in a relationship....I've never even had a girl friend I'm pathetic

MrDiamondMind
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17 Apr 2010, 12:06 am

astaut wrote:

MrDiamondMind wrote:

astaut, I should have mentioned this, but you're a female and that makes it easier.

You're right, of course, in that other females are different and can have varied experiences. But it is, ultimately, easier if you are a female. If you are attractive enough, you could just sit somewhere like a statue and some male could still approach you with the intent to make you his girlfriend. If I just sit somewhere like a statue almost no girl in the world would approach me with the same intent because females almost never approach.

jagatai
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17 Apr 2010, 9:57 am

MrDiamondMind wrote:

astaut wrote:

MrDiamondMind wrote:

astaut, I should have mentioned this, but you're a female and that makes it easier.

I believe you are mistaking "being approached" with "being in a relationship" Because we generally expect men to aggressively approach women in the mating process and there is a bit of a social stigma with women being assertive toward men, all other things being equal, a woman can get away with being more passive than a man in conventional dating situations.

But that initial approach is not the whole relationship. Being asked for a date does not mean you will be able to navigate through the emotional complexities of developing intimacy.

Two women have approached me and directly asked if I wanted to be in a relationship with them. On both occasions, I turned them down even though one of them was extremely attractive to me. The fact that these women made it "easy" for me to get involved did not mean I found it easy to get into a relationship with them. The best I have ever been able to manage is rather bland first dates where we were just starting to get to know one another. Anything requiring deeper interaction felt overwhelming and I quickly backed away from these situations.

I can't speak for any other individual, but I can certainly see where what appears easy may not be as easy as it seems. I would not be quick to assume it is easier for women in general.

Lars

hale_bopp
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17 Apr 2010, 1:33 pm

MrDiamondMind wrote:

astaut wrote:

MrDiamondMind wrote:

astaut, I should have mentioned this, but you're a female and that makes it easier.

Myth.

MrDiamondMind
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17 Apr 2010, 5:04 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

Myth.

Please explain. My experience and social science seems to contradict this "myth."

SonicMisaki
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17 Apr 2010, 6:20 pm

(raise hand) Ooh! Ooh! Me! I'm not in a relationship right now (nor being approached), just focusing on being completely wacky.

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Avarice
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17 Apr 2010, 8:40 pm

Me, I'm not going to change it either.

phil777
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17 Apr 2010, 10:09 pm

Heh, same as everyone else, never been in a relationship, never been kissed (at least romanticly), yadi yadi yada. We've all heard that story. =.=

Wish i knew what to do... =/ Can't even use my time correctly... It just seems to fly -.-

aussiebloke
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17 Apr 2010, 10:57 pm

It surprises me their are so many aspies who want a relationship.

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