If a partner doesn't lead to happiness...

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Quartz11
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17 Nov 2010, 10:03 pm

Those who aren't douches with unhealthy amounts of fake tanning?

Kilroy
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17 Nov 2010, 10:34 pm

who are you to decide what is a douche and what isn't
people seem to like them, so feel they aren't douches

Mark198423
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18 Nov 2010, 5:49 am

menintights wrote:

Mark, you need to read this:

Quote:

as long as you look for validation from others for everything that you are and do, you'll keep being very unhappy. Who you are has little to do with the way others see you - do you even know who you are? Do you exist otherwise than in relation to others? Your own strengths and weaknesses exist independently and they will always be there regardless of how and if they are perceived form outside. Explore them, learn to use them - it makes no difference if X thinks you're a loser or if Y is happy while you're not. There's an infinity of nuances between extremes - you don't have to love yourself to the point of narcissism or hate everything about you. Accept yourself and stop letting others define who you are - you're condemning yourself to a perpetual emotional hell.

And I know you won't get it now or anytime soon, but once you get it you'll never go back.

It's not that I need validation from everyone, I don't get down if somebody doesn't like me. I just need it from somebody. I've been lonely for as long as I can remember, other than when I was in a relationship. I know I have qualities I can bring into a relationship too I just can see no way of me begining one.

hyperlexian
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18 Nov 2010, 10:33 am

Quartz11 wrote:

Those who aren't douches with unhealthy amounts of fake tanning?

i have a question. what do people who are referred to as douchebags call *themselves* (if anything?). i mean, presumably they call themselves "people", but do they also have a name for their style?

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Erisad
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18 Nov 2010, 10:43 am

hyperlexian wrote:

Quartz11 wrote:

Those who aren't douches with unhealthy amounts of fake tanning?

i have a question. what do people who are referred to as douchebags call *themselves* (if anything?). i mean, presumably they call themselves "people", but do they also have a name for their style?

Probably something like, "I'm the man!" or "I'm unbelievably awesome!" or, in some cases, "God I am so pretty." :lol:

Kilroy
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18 Nov 2010, 10:50 am

Erisad wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Quartz11 wrote:

Those who aren't douches with unhealthy amounts of fake tanning?

i have a question. what do people who are referred to as douchebags call *themselves* (if anything?). i mean, presumably they call themselves "people", but do they also have a name for their style?

Probably something like, "I'm the man!" or "I'm unbelievably awesome!" or, in some cases, "God I am so pretty." :lol:

I AM A MAN!! !!

Pistonhead
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19 Nov 2010, 7:26 pm

Erisad wrote:

Probably something like, "I'm the man!" or "I'm unbelievably awesome!" or, in some cases, "God I am so pretty." :lol:

I'm too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Nov 2010, 6:28 am

nthach wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

It's still far better than the stereotypical Shiite Beirutian...

All he just needs now is a few grenades clipped onto him and a Land Cruiser 70 Series or Nissan Patrol to finish off the look....

and some face war paints....

hale_bopp
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20 Nov 2010, 6:42 am

hyperlexian wrote:

Quartz11 wrote:

Those who aren't douches with unhealthy amounts of fake tanning?

i have a question. what do people who are referred to as douchebags call *themselves* (if anything?). i mean, presumably they call themselves "people", but do they also have a name for their style?

Nice guys probably. But we all know what self proclaimed nice guys are like, just wolves dressed up as sheep out to get sex. At least the douche wolves show themselves.

Daedelus1138
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20 Nov 2010, 7:31 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:

the only way I feel anything approaching enjoyment is through the love and appreciation of others. The closer and more meaningful the love and appreciation is, the greater an impact it has (on an exponential curve). I can't just "appreciate myself" as it were, ...

At some point a human being has a need for spirituality and meaning in his life beyond self-fulfilliment. This is why various thinkers throughout the ages have delved into philosophy and religion. At this point the focus moves beyond personal psychological issues and becomes transpersonal in nature towards relationships, community, and ultimate meaning. It's not necessary to be great at socializing to connect with this transpersonal element either, religions or philosophies like Buddhism or Stoicism essentially do this and yet are almost solipsist in some ways.

Seanmw
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21 Nov 2010, 5:37 am

Avengilante wrote:

...because even if you find a girlfriend, you'll suck her dry like an emotional vampire....

idk quite why, but the way you said that just made me ROTFL :lol:

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CrinklyCrustacean
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21 Nov 2010, 5:42 am

hale_bopp wrote:

Nice guys probably. But we all know what self proclaimed nice guys are like

Well, there's more than one definition of the term 'nice guy'.

katzefrau
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21 Nov 2010, 6:50 am

"it'll come when you're not looking for it" and all those sorts of cliches that people hand out like candy when you're concerned you will die alone are patronizing platitudes.

but i do know this: if you're not happy alone, you will never be happy with anyone else either. so start there.

sorry if someone said this exact thing already and it wasn't what you wanted to hear.

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hyperlexian
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21 Nov 2010, 2:56 pm

katzefrau wrote:

+1
or rather
+100000000000000

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The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Nov 2010, 4:24 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

katzefrau wrote:

+1
or rather
+100000000000000

Just a rhetorical question .... and think deeply about it before answering.

Imagine that you have never met the love of your life at 18 , never got a bf, never got married and never had your daughter (or any other kid) and now you're all alone at home.

Will you be as happy with yourself as you are now in reality?

hyperlexian
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21 Nov 2010, 4:46 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

katzefrau wrote:

+1
or rather
+100000000000000

i couldn't say, at least regarding my husband. no way to tell, because this is the only life i have. he has supported me through some very hard times, but i don't know if i would be better or worse off alone. i don't talk very much on WP about my darkest times, but i had some serious problems with depression and anxiety and substance abuse, etc... and these things happened during my marriage. but maybe if i was alone i would have been even worse off? or better off? who can ever know?

when i was a teenager, i did everything in my power to obtain boyfriends. i was rejected a lot and even publicly humiliated in the process. but it was my main focus, and eventually it paid off. it does not work like that for everyone, but it worked for me. at the time, i was completely wrapped up in the idea of being in a relationship - and i was also very young.

one thing that i do know is that before i went through extensive therapy, i was not pulling my weight in the marriage, and i had such low self-esteem and depression that i was dragging down another whole person along with me. we have a healthier marriage now that i am more stable.

now, i focus on being as independently healthy as possible, because it's better for both of us. if i had known this 20 years ago, i would have done things differently and wasted a lot less time and energy. i would have fixed myself as much as possible first.

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