Devestated after this!

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17 Mar 2011, 6:26 pm

Yeah true true but i am just saying though i hear a lot that men are expected make the initiative in the hook up/dating scene.

Janissy
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17 Mar 2011, 6:28 pm

Jamesy wrote:

Jannisy the thing is though is that your viewing men and women in black and white terms. belive it or not there is a grey area. this goes back to me saying that men and women are not all robots who are programmed to feel certain ways about things. that is like saying all men do not have feminine sides to them. Its just narrowminded.

I know there is a gray area. I'm not denying that there are men in their 20's who want committed relationships and women in their 20's who want hookups. What I'm saying is that there is an imbalance with the men who want just hookups outnumbering the women who do. If the sexual and relationship needs of men and women were in perfect sync, there would be no problem. But they are not.

If the women you approach are assuming that you are looking for just sex (even if it isn't true), it's because the 30 men who hit on them before you were doing just that.

I know we aren't all robots who are slaves to evolutionary programming. But evolutionary program does have an influence. And one thing that is an inescapable truth is that women have far fewer eggs than men have sperm and every fertilized egg takes 9 months to grow into a person. This biological truth is in the background of encounters between men and women. We aren't slaves to it. But we can't pretend it doesn't exist, either.

hale_bopp
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17 Mar 2011, 6:28 pm

Jamesy wrote:

Yeah true true but i am just saying though i hear a lot that men are expected make the initiative in the hook up/dating scene.

If a woman wants you badly enough she will make the first move. I have with all the people I've been with or been attracted to.

Janissy
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17 Mar 2011, 6:33 pm

Jamesy wrote:

Yeah true true but i am just saying though i hear a lot that men are expected make the initiative in the hook up/dating scene.

There is an unfortunate reason for that. Men are expected to be sexually aggressive and women are expected to be sexually reticent. See Boo's sexual double standards thread for a multi-page discussion of that. It isn't quite the "slut"/"loser" dichotomy because no sex is involved. But a woman who takes the initiative too often is seen as one step removed from a slut and a man who takes the initiative too infrequently is seen as one step removed from a loser. It isn't fair and it's one thing I'd love to see change. But if you look at Boo's sexual double standard thread, you will see that the double standard is still in full effect.

billsmithglendale
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17 Mar 2011, 6:41 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

Kind of funny really. There are equal amounts of men in the world as to women. There can't be more single men than women. I think you're deluded by the fact a lot of men will shag anyone easily so it's easier for women that way, they can be choosier about who they date or shag because so many guys are open to shagging anyone.

I don't really need to prove this -- go to any club district in your town, and note the incentives. There's never a "men get in free" or "free drinks for men" promotion -- it's always to attract women to the club. So what does that tell you? Clearly the demand is skewed.

Also, the company I work for ( a big corporation) owns a major dating site, and it is well-known that this particular dating site had some issues getting as many women as men. There was a scandal that they were padding their numbers and making fake female profiles.

I'm constantly amazed at the number of people here who want to say the sky isn't blue, or the world isn't round. Go out there and find out -- this is business.

Here's the other funny thing -- one of the few times I'm saying it isn't sexist against men, you still want to argue about something. Is it just in your nature to be contrarian, or is it personal?

Edit -- I think I'm wrong picking on Hale here -- I think she posted right after me in response to Janissy, and I mistook it at being aimed at me. My apologies.

Jamesy
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17 Mar 2011, 6:44 pm

Yes and of course the amount of NTs in the world greatly outnumbers the aspies hence why society does not regconise our needs.

Do you think apsie men on average are probably are more interested in a commited relationship than sex? More so than non autistic men?

hale_bopp
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17 Mar 2011, 6:47 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:

Yeah there are. Strip clubs charge women to go in. If I didn't quote you I wasn't talking to you, period. I never said the demand wasn't "skewed" The reason for it is the fact like someone said the needs and wants of each sex in general is different. As the clubbing scene is a sex scene, not a relationship scene, of course you're going to get a huge influx of men wanting hookups as opposed to women. Thats why they charge them, the men want a hook up and they can make a buck out of it.

Jamesy
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17 Mar 2011, 6:54 pm

I read up as well from a pychology expert that "The aspergers disorder patient wants to be accepted socially, to have friends, to MARRY and to be SEXUALLY ACTIVE he just does not have a clue how to go about it."

Interesting...........

AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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17 Mar 2011, 7:59 pm

Jamesy wrote:

. . . Do you think apsie men on average are probably are more interested in a commited relationship than sex? More so than non autistic men?

Yes, I am more interested in an ongoing relationship where my lover and I get to know each other better and better, and we take adventures together.

Interestingly, I met one girlfriend years ago at a chess club of our places. And she was a stone fox, and in a number of ways, equally smart or smarter than me.

I met another girlfriend at a writer's group. I wish I would have given her more of a chance. I wish I would have given myself more of a chance. She fell for me hard (she was on the rebound from a marriage). And I just need a lot of alone time. I should have just been much more energetic and confident in demanding more alone time. I should have taken this risk, this chance, for myself and for the chance of a better relationship.

Jamesy
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17 Mar 2011, 8:02 pm

Unfourtnatly many aspie qualities and traits in men are better suited for a 'women'

RICKY5
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17 Mar 2011, 8:21 pm

Jamesy wrote:

Yeah emilion if i were you i woulden't be so comftable 10 years from now life may not be so good for you since aspie girls have it worse of in the dating world in the long run. stupid ignorant little school girl.

1. Don't talk smack to people you don't even know.

2. Society doesn't give a f**k about anybody. Let alone us aspies. The way I see it is that unless we were good hunters, inventors, or just plain useful, we would have been thrown off a cliff in the stone age given that nowadays we can lay around and be useless in our parents basement playing xbox, society has advanced for aspies!

3. Being a girl (even an AS one) means that you are always gonna have something to eat and a place to stay because of one very special asset...

4. Don't be a f*****g whiner. Seriously. Dive into your hobbies, develop useful skills and try to make money off of them. Money opens a plenty of doors and plenty of legs!

Jamesy
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17 Mar 2011, 8:24 pm

I did apolgoise to emilon

RICKY5
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17 Mar 2011, 8:24 pm

Jamesy wrote:

OK so you're a frustrated virgin. Plenty of ways to fix that. Just gotta do some research...

RICKY5
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17 Mar 2011, 8:25 pm

Jamesy wrote:

I did apolgoise to emilon

Re-Read points 2,3, and 4 then.

Jamesy
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17 Mar 2011, 8:47 pm

I apologised to her. why can't u accept that? I even emailed her with an apology as well.

RICKY5
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17 Mar 2011, 8:54 pm

Jamesy wrote:

I apologised to her. why can't u accept that? I even emailed her with an apology as well.

AHHHHH SPERGY MOMENT!

What I was saying was to toughen yourself up and your life will be better for it. Read the other points I made to you about not being a whiner.

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