My mother's bad advice:
- Never ask a boy out. The women in our family never have to ask boys out. They ask us out.
Most boys are actually relieved if you ask them out because the fear of rejection is overwhelming their confidence in the mutual attraction they know is there but just won't let themselves be completely sure of it. It really takes the pressure off.
- Never pay. A woman should never pay for a date. Men who want to go dutch are cheap.
We don't live in a progressive society but we should pretend that we do, because, maybe one day, we might get there. Women can offer to and pay for their portion of the meal. They are even able to pay for the entire date if they choose to do so. If the men they are dating are likewise self-respecting people, they will also want to pay for their portion if not the entire date, as well. A couple that's peopled with independent adults will really not care who's picking up the tab, as long as it generally feels pretty equal.
- Never kiss on the first date.
Dumb. Just absolutely f*cking dumb. If you don't kiss him on the first date, he's pretty sure he's been placed in the friendzone and he will sulk away in disappointment because, up until that moment, he'd been under the impression that the date went pretty well.
Then she gave me a book titled, How to Make a Man Fall in Love with You. I tried to search for this book on Amazon.com but if you type in how to make a man fall in love with you in the Books category, you're going to get six pages of options for horrible dating advice! This book was written in the 1970's by a woman who fancied herself a connoisseur of men. She may have been... who knows. Her instruction included things like:
- Dress like him. She didn't specify to wear a flattering and sexy outfit in the general style he prefers, she instructed to dress just like him.
- Get your apartment in order, don't keep everything in boxes waiting for a man. This is generally seems like very good advice, but honestly, I think you should actually have your apartment in order because you are an independent, self-sufficient woman who considers herself whole without a husband... not just pretending to be one so you can snag that husband and move out of your spinster apartment and into your dream home in the suburbs.
- Use words in his language. We're not talking about English, Spanish, French or Japanese. The author took the time to divide people into three categories: auditory, visual and feeling. These men will say things like I hear you, I see you, or I feel you and that is how you're supposed to put them in a category so then you can adopt a vocabulary that they'll respond to. In essence, change completely how you naturally talk just because there's supposedly a subliminal message that will make a man feel like you understand him more than any other woman on earth. Then he'll marry you and whisk you away to your dream home in the suburbs, where you'll wear matching outfits every day.
Her best of the worst was when I was in a relationship:
- Tell him that you won't marry him if he gets a bankruptcy.
My ex-fiance had enormous credit card debt and wanted to get rid of it so he was looking into bankruptcy. I had perfect credit. My mother was afraid that his credit would ruin mine and even though that's not how credit works, she harped constantly that he couldn't file for bankruptcy. We just put everything in my name because I had the credit and, you know what? When we broke up, it was all mine. But it wasn't the bad financial advice that's the focal point here. It was that she wanted me to manipulate him and threaten him over a decision that's entirely his business and none of mine.
Of course, Cosmo will always put my mother to shame when it comes to horrible advice. Cracked.com has 7 Psychotic Pieces of Relationship Advice from Cosmo <link> that may entertain and mortify you!
20 May 2011, 2:57 am
