Was he a perv?

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Keeno
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07 Jul 2011, 8:51 am

CaroleTucson wrote:

I repeat that saying that you will henceforth avoid all children because somebody somewhere was falsely accused is an unrealistic response. As I said earlier, I like the idea of special training on learning how to avoid improper scenarios. That's far better than running and hiding.

What I think we need to especially avoid is backlash over the vigilance against child abuse.

Right. But all I can say is, I have been falsely accused many times in my life, rather than it simply being somebody somewhere else being accused. And it was without me even being near children in the first place that any of these accusations happened. So who can blame me for my reaction, I certainly make no apology for it. I don't advocate a reduction in vigilance either, but from experience I feel strongly about the backlash also.

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Tequila
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07 Jul 2011, 10:42 am

Grisha wrote:

no contact with children besides my own is my firm policy, caring for/interacting with children is "women's work" now.

But women never, ever abuse children do they? Not Vanessa George, not Tracy Lyons, not Tracey Dawber, not any woman who has ever forced their younger children into a sexually abusive relationship with them, or beaten them, sometimes within an inch of their lives (my mother was regularly beaten by her mum for very little reason), or tormented them, or bullied them like hell, or totally neglected their needs, or were alcoholics, or couldn't leave their husband for fear of what he might do if they did.

Women are innocent of anything. Even if they are guilty, a man put them up to it.

Last edited by Tequila on 07 Jul 2011, 10:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

Tequila
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07 Jul 2011, 10:43 am

Grisha wrote:

The basic strategy was to ensure that 2 adults were always present (ideally one would be female)

The other point is that one party could be colluding for their own reasons, or in order to protect themselves in other areas where they might not want police attention.

Grisha
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07 Jul 2011, 11:14 am

Tequila wrote:

Grisha wrote:

no contact with children besides my own is my firm policy, caring for/interacting with children is "women's work" now.

Of course women do, but were not talking about actual abuse here.

The point is that the myths and misperceptions are affecting innocent people - both adults and children. California recently passed another "get tough on pedos" law in response to a widely-publicized and horrific crime against a child. The only groups that dared oppose it publicly in any meaningful way were victim's advocacy groups and the police themselves!

The law added literally hundreds of millions to the budget: offenders were required to be tracked via satellite 24/7 even though 90% of sex crimes against children are perpetrated by non-registered offenders, for example, and of course the bill provided no increase in taxes to provide these massive additional duties.

I could go on and on, there's no way the situation will ever get better. Men should simply avoid contact with children to minimize the risk.

Tequila
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07 Jul 2011, 11:54 am

Agreed. Children are the ones that will suffer though - they will grow up to have very grey, paranoid, unfulfilled lives full of perceived threat and danger rather than enjoying fuifilling friendships and relationships.

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07 Jul 2011, 12:40 pm

addison wrote:

this reminds me of that episode of south park where the adults are worried that the priest is sexually abusing their kids for the sole reason that he was a catholic priest

being a catholic priest IS suspicious, period. would you let your kid near one?

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Grisha
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07 Jul 2011, 1:46 pm

anna-banana wrote:

addison wrote:

this reminds me of that episode of south park where the adults are worried that the priest is sexually abusing their kids for the sole reason that he was a catholic priest

being a catholic priest IS suspicious, period. would you let your kid near one?

There are literally thousands or even tens of thousands of priests, the vast majority are not sexually abusing children (BTW, I'm an atheist, so I don't have any personal interest in the matter)

I don't allow anyone, priest or otherwise, to be with my children unsupervised. I am very fortunate in that I was able to afford to have a stay-at-home parent when my children were younger so I never really had to entrust them to anyone anyway.

Keeno
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07 Jul 2011, 3:10 pm

I would deal with each Catholic priest on a purely case by case basis, although with me not being Catholic, it's all a bit academic.

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Tequila
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07 Jul 2011, 3:18 pm

anna-banana wrote:

being a catholic priest IS suspicious, period. would you let your kid near one?

It's great as an excuse for sectarianism.

Though, yes, I probably wouldn't let my children near Catholic nun or priest, nor most people of any other religious denomination, ta.

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07 Jul 2011, 7:01 pm

Sorry to ask this - but what if a woman were asking for a mans childhood photos to 'see what their kids would look like'? Would she be a creep or just a little batty? Are either acceptable?

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07 Jul 2011, 8:25 pm

Gwenwyn wrote:

Sorry to ask this - but what if a woman were asking for a mans childhood photos to 'see what their kids would look like'? Would she be a creep or just a little batty? Are either acceptable?

I think it depends on your relationship - if you are engaged, it would be just fine.

On a first date, however, I wouldn't be expecting a second date... :wink:

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07 Jul 2011, 11:36 pm

Gwenwyn wrote:

Sorry to ask this - but what if a woman were asking for a mans childhood photos to 'see what their kids would look like'? Would she be a creep or just a little batty? Are either acceptable?

Sounds clingy and obsessive, enough to send any guy running.

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08 Jul 2011, 1:18 am

Gwenwyn wrote:

Sorry to ask this - but what if a woman were asking for a mans childhood photos to 'see what their kids would look like'? Would she be a creep or just a little batty? Are either acceptable?

Or what if she was just curious what he looked like as a child? I have been curious about my husband and saw baby pictures of him and kid pictures of him from when he was older.

Tequila
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08 Jul 2011, 7:06 am

hale_bopp wrote:

Sounds clingy and obsessive, enough to send any guy running.

Depends on the relationship, though, of course but as a general question then yes, it comes across as obsessed and unhealthy.

biostructure
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08 Jul 2011, 11:59 am

Gwenwyn wrote:

Sorry to ask this - but what if a woman were asking for a mans childhood photos to 'see what their kids would look like'? Would she be a creep or just a little batty? Are either acceptable?

I would just say amusing, but I'd be happy to show her mine. Though I lack the knee-jerk fear of pedophilia in the first place, so even if she were actually turned on by my childhood photos I'd just find it cute, not alarming. After all, she's not abusing me by being interested.

But if you would find it alarming, then I'd suggest you break contact with this guy--since there is a possibility that's why he's asking for them, and using the "future kids" thing as a pretext. If worrying about this possibility would be sort of as disturbing as if you wondered whether he kept a gun pointed at you when you slept, then I'd suggest you get out fast. It's not worth the worry.

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08 Jul 2011, 11:42 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

Gwenwyn wrote:

Sorry to ask this - but what if a woman were asking for a mans childhood photos to 'see what their kids would look like'? Would she be a creep or just a little batty? Are either acceptable?

Sounds clingy and obsessive, enough to send any guy running.

Actually I was a cute kid who grew into an ugly adult so I would like to show her I was once adorable even though I look like a crazy mountainman now. :wink:

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