WTF is wrong with me?

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I'm okay with a guy being more social than me, or being less of a home-body, but I wouldn't have much in common with a super-social guy. Fact is, I've always dated the dork/nerd/geek. Even my ex-girlfriend was a dork.

I don't mesh with the type you're saying I unconsciously prefer and will end up with.

Really, Boo? I am a lifetime female dork/geek/nerd & I never ever wanted a social guy. Where did you get your info? The problem with Prince Charming is that he is purely fictitious. He just doesn't exist! And if he did, he wouldn't give any geeky girl the time of day. I think most geeky girls are savvy enough to know that. Even those who virtually live in fantasy novels or movies will know the difference.

My biggest criteria for a guy was someone who didn't creep me out or make me nervous. I remember a neighborhood boy who liked me, but he was so fidgety, & awkward that he turned me off. He just made me really uncomfortable. Skin crawlingly uncomfortable....I couldn't stand even being in the same zip code with him. But I always preferred nerdy guys to normal NT ones (admittedly I had many crushes on some NTs but knew they were way out of my league & I didn't stand a snowball's chance in Hell with them). They liked the pretty outgoing rah rah social butterfly types....not a nerdy girl like me. Similarly, there was another creepy guy who liked me about 10 years ago, & he also made me uber uncomfortable. He struck me as a sexual predator type. For some reason even though I wouldn't give him any contact information or even my full name, he still pursued me. After every meeting with him, I just wanted a thorough cleansing. I never did go on a date with him...but he never gave up trying. I moved far away & now live in a place where I hope to never run into that creep again.

So my advice is: don't be creepy, don't come off as a sexual predator/stalker, don't be too desperate, don't be a smart aleck, it's not necessary to be a socialite, don't be super fidgety, try finding common ground with the girl, do not touch her unless she gives you permission(creepy), do not look at a girl like you are just about to eat the most amazing meal ever(also creepy), just be yourself (not creepy), etc.

Oh, totally! This wasn't a criticism, merely a "consider it from my personal point of view as a female DGN". I don't identify with anything The_Face_of_Boo has said, I guess I must be one of the "rare ones" in his vernacular. Prince Charming situations skeeve me out universally because it means ceding control of a situation to someone else, and that someone has usually selected you on the basis of some intangible quality that is also not within your control.

In the past, I've gone in cold, too, and have either gotten my metaphorical face slapped or else have misread the situation and they were happy to sleep with me but not, you know, *date* me.

My ex was a Star Trek, D&D type. Even though his pursuing was blatantly obvious, I still made the first move. I would like to think I'm more nerd but I'm not smart enough. I'm artsy and a bit of a tech head.

Last edited by curlyfry on 30 Sep 2011, 12:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Last edited by simon_says on 04 Oct 2011, 6:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I wish there was some alternative to this.

I just had a few times in my life where I found out afterwards that I totally "blew it" - that she was basically offering herself on a silver platter (supposedly) and I didn't detect it despite a personal eagerness to do so.

Now I just lower my goggles and go in: lately with semi-disasterous results...

Ive had some disastrous results from the kamikaze charge. Really embarrassing. I'd totally misread it and suddenly be getting the speech and think, "uh, whoops". But also some success. And I did learn some things in time.

I don't regret any of them in retrospect. You shouldnt either.

At least you're still going in. I've all but given up, really. Too many hot stoves, there...

My ex is the same. He's so nerdy he's one of the important guys in a rather successful high tech start-up company (guess it's not so start-up anymore...)

Grisha, she has a point. i don't know if you actually ARE a dork, but you definitely don't go for dorky girls. i dunno if it would work, but you might want to try it.

I would love to!

Where are they though? Especially in my location and at my age.

Also, I'm a more of a nerd than a dork so Comicon, etc is out as a potential hunting ground. Maybe volunteer work in natural science-oriented activities?

I just tend to go for women who show interest in me, and that interest isn't always necessarily for me, especially in the case of conventionally attractive women. Nerd girls always "friend-zone" me for some reason...

i see. i know what you mean, i think. i am not sure of the difference between nerds and dorks and stuff but it sounds liek you are aware of that.

you dress kinda artsy in your pictures, like an architect or someone who works in an art gallery (at least in my canadian city).

Go to a twilight convention and tell them you are an ancient vampire? Speak quickly before security arrives.

More realistically, you're in SC. Take up hiking and take some classes to develop outdoors skills. You'll get a tan, feel healthy, and women will be taking them too. Free conversation topics abound.

Actually, I do quite a bit of hiking already - there are decent trails near my house - but that's a great suggestion, I never meet anyone out there though - I'm probably too absorbed with looking for lizards and stuff...

I'm going tarantula hunting this weekend (not joking - to photograph) - think I can find a date?

Yes. really Good. Really!

So now all of the sudden DGN girls die for DGN guys and the world is shiny blue again?



Not.

But well..... you have indirectly admitted that you wouldn't like DGN guys. You said that you hate guys that who are socially awkward and fidgety and make you uncomfortable. Now, I can't tell whether those guys you mentioned were really creeps or only perceived by you as creeps or sexual freaks because of their awkwardness but the thing is.....

MOST DGN guys have these traits, they are usually introvert, socially inept and often very socially awkward...... so you would perceive most of them as creeps too.


So thank you for validating my observation.




From my life, there was a time that I only focused on DGN girls and found out this trend in them, their most common excuse was "I want someone social" or "I want someone who's more social than me" , I was surprised.

Besides, a question, is your current partner or any of your ex partner/bf/husbands DGN guys? Yes or not?

Another question, I was talking about the typical DGN girls, you know the literature geeks, the bookworms, enthusiastic young writers....etc.....and not the those rare ones with typically-male interests, but you are a tomboy, so I assume that you're of the latter, no?

Boo, I am a DGN who happens to be married to a DGN. He's somewhat fidgety, but not so much that I can't tolerate it. Btw, I stim worse than he does & it bugs him. We both have our SIs, some overlap, some don't. But we've been able to keep it together for over 4 years now. So far, things are much better than with my ex, but then he was extremely abusive. I eventually fled, just to stay alive.

Jocks/socialites/Nts wanted nothing to do with me, & it went both ways. I was a social misfit & knew my place...I never tried to fit in where I clearly didn't. What few acquaintances I had in school were also misfits. I had the hots for a boy who was slightly younger. He was very handsome,even though he hung out with us misfits, & I guess he liked me too, but I was so shy & awkward, I missed it when he flirted with me. I just didnt get the signals...guess you could say I was completely oblivious. Duh. Oh well...hind sight is 20/20.

I also didn't say I HATED all DGNs. There was the one when I was a teenager who I couldn't stand. But it was more his personality just didn't work for me, he picted my creep radar & made me really uncomfortable. His whole family was weird & creepy too. His mom even ran off with his cousin & ended up marrying him. So it was not just about the boy, it was the entire family that had issues. I already had enough of my own, & sure didn't want to get involved with anyone else who just wasn't right for me. So you have to understand, I came from a background of abuse, & he just didn't seem normal for me. I was even sexually absued as a girl (9-12 by a man who was approx 49). So my reactions were probably not consistent with most female DGNs. For some special reason, I am attractive to guys who are creepy, abusive, perverts, etc. Those guys are usually NOT DGNs. Those guys are more predators than anything else.

Do you know the Big Bang Theory or are you at least familiar with the show? I really enjoy it. Let's just say that if I were a young DGN, I'd find Leonard very attractive (not so much his looks as his personality). Sheldon would get on my nerves (I'm kind of a female Sheldon & that would be way too weird). Raj would bug me because he can't talk to women without drinking, & Howard would creep me out most of all. He reminds me quite a bit of the teen who bugged me from my old neighborhood. I wouldn't say that Leonard is NT, he fits the DGN quite well.

I like guys who like sci fi (Star Trek mostly, but other forms too), photography, being outdoors, computers, who can have a semi decent conversation-does not have to be typical NT small talk, like to travel, enjoy quiet times at home, kind & caring, not jerks or stuck up, etc. What I never cared for were guys who were sport fanatics, jocks, into cars, drinking in bars, partying, smoking dope, loud obnoxious music, watching tons of movies, lazy, etc.

Hope this helps!

Tomboy