Are there even any women that approach men?

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I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but that was f*cking cold, especially coming from you.

Those men that rejected you have certainly been rejected themselves, just like everyone else - calling all guys who are struggling "desperate" is sick, you should know better...

I don't understand what I've done wrong. I was talking about guys who will just date anyone. I never said guys who are struggling are desperate. I said non desperate guys reject women for dates. A desperate man will take whatever he can get whether he likes it or not. Not once did I mention guys who are struggling.

I honestly don't see how you got that out of my post. Could you please explain it?

It just seemed like you callously divided men into the "desperate" and "non-desperate" types. Since I seemed to fall on the less desirable side of the line, maybe I took it a little more personally than perhaps was warranted.

I've had more than my share of rejection lately so I'm a little hypersensitive on the issue - I'm certain you meant no intentional offense.

I don't see the corelation from struggling to desperate either.....there is a separation of deffination

Desperate
1.Being filled with, or in a state of despair; hopeless.
2.Reckless abandon in the pursuit of an extreme desire.
3.Extremely intense
Struggle
1.to strive, to labour in difficulty, to fight (for or against), to contend.


As a guy who is shy I would appreciate a woman who did approach me.
I know I lack the confidence and ability to read when to approach /or not.a woman.

Last edited by gadge on 22 Sep 2011, 7:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I apologize for the confusion but HB's post seemed to characterize all men as being in one camp or the other, making no allowances for the many shades of grey in-between.

I myself am certainly struggling, but I've also rejected women the just as I have been rejected myself, I don't consider myself "desperate".

Funny, I was always the one to say that.

My opinion would be changed if a women backed up her words with actions. Instead, all I hear is "we like shy, awkward, ugly, poor guys....tee hee," yet in real life, I don't see any women dating one.

Last edited by SadAspy on 23 Sep 2011, 6:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well, there are desperate and non desperate types. But guys who are struggling can fit into either of those categories.

If you have rejected women, then you are classed as "non desperate". I thought my post was clear. Aplologies if it wasn't.

So now all of the sudden all women in the world approach men?

It's quite rare here, I always heard from NT men here that's quite extremely rare.

Anyways, by that saying that women are the choosers doesn't mean that all men are desperate to date anything female.

In a serial monogamy system, some men ,who are eagerly seeking for a date, can be very picky and would approach only 1 type of women with specific standards, so yea, in the sense they're "choosing" a woman among specific type, or more accurately, they're trying to get 1 woman among women within a specific group of women that meets their requirements, that woman can be a stranger, or coworker or even a friend (Now you would probably go boo-hoo and cry me a river, and say this is too anti-individuality and not true love, but this how usually happens).


But it's the woman who would say 'no' or 'yes' to him at the end, which makes her the chooser with the final word. That's why they say to men "give it a shot!".

and in a reverse roles scenario..well...then it would be the reverse in everything (woman choosing asking out a specific set of men , men having the last word). So in other term, the one who's being asked out is usually ....the stronger chooser.

Desperate males are those who have zero to very few superficial standards and would ask any female, or would accept every female asking them out.

Can't we all just get along? guys approach women more often than women approach men, however it is perfectly acceptable either way. It really depends a lot on the culture one grew up in or their life experiences. There are very traditional women who wait on the man or others who are comfortable making the first move. Looking back, It's actually increasingly common. I've been out few nights and girls will buy me drinks, it took some getting used to, to be honest, but now I think it's pretty cool as long as they aren't too aggressive. There are also the girls who come up and grind on you, expecting you to buy them a drink. I have much more respect for the former, than the latter. I think it's great that women have taken a more independent role in society, but I have respect for the traditional more co dependent role as well.

Women and men are equal when it comes to choosing, I believe.

Men choose who to approach, women choose which of the men approaching them they want.

I do wish more women knew how nerve-wracking it can be to be the one doing the approaching. And for those who do approach men; god bless you, you are wonderful.

But the fact is; in most cultures men are the ones expected to make the first move. As a guy, you can either just accept this or be lonely. It may not be fair, but not playing along won't change the way the world works.

And, I wish more guys would realize that being told "no" isn't the end of the world, and to just keep trying. I know that, for myself at least, there was a long period where I was quite hurt by, and angry about, past rejections and let fear stop me from trying. I would just assume that women would reject me without giving them a chance, and felt very bitter toward them because of it. I not only sabotaged myself, but my attitude toward women was deeply unfair.

But I got over it. Or, that is to say, my loneliness overpowered my fear.

An example:

I approached a girl in a bookstore who had a book by one of my favorite writers in her hand. I asked "Have you read any of her work before?" She said "Please don't talk to me." That stung quite a bit, and in the old days I would have stewed over it for months.

A week or two later I saw a girl at the supermarket. I got behind her in line and said, very straightforwardly, "Hi, I'm Chris. I don't mean to bother you, but you're really pretty. Can I take you out to dinner sometime?" The old me would never have had the balls to say that, especially after the earlier rejection. The old me wouldn't have gone on two dates with this very attractive girl. Things didn't work out in the end, but still.

Last edited by mds_02 on 23 Sep 2011, 9:16 am, edited 3 times in total.

That's extremely rude.

Yeah. It is easy for me to see why a lot of guys become so bitter. Hell, I was one. There are a lot of women out there who seem to take pleasure in completely crushing some poor bastard whose only crime was to find her attractive. But the trick is to say to yourself "F--- her" and keep trying.

The only people I've ever seen portray that sort of rudeness are women who think they are better than they are.

In other words, deluded.

I hate when some woman automatically assumes that you're hitting on her just because you asked her for directions or something, and it always seems to be the ones that you wouldn't touch with someone else's ten-foot pole...