A quick story

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Hey MR20, I agree with you! I'm sure you are an inferior specimen, and the world is super-competitive, so you'll probably always be on the short end of the stick. I agree because that's exactly what I am.

But you know - I just got my medication increased, and I am feeling better. I know I am incapable of living independently, that I would kill myself under the slightest stress (if I could work up the nerve!), and that in all probability I will live a lonely, pointless life with no accomplishments and a pittance of pleasure.

Here's the thing though - negativity is offensive. It took me a while to figure that out, but apparently even if you are talking bad about YOURSELF others still get offended! I think it is because of cognitive dissonance. People want to believe that life is relatively "fair", and that people make their own destinies, not slaves to fate. They think to themselves, "Hey if I can be happy than no one else has an excuse to be miserable!" So you make others mad just by dumping on yourself - although it would be more logical for them to feel pity since you are so obviously unhappy.

My point is that it may seem to you that all of your problems are external, but a good deal of misery is caused by INTERNAL problems. Like I said, I haven't improved myself, I'm merely placated by medication! Again my advice is get drugs as soon as possible. Everyday can seem like an eternity while depressed - but we live in a time when you can get some help if you ask for anti-depressants, etc...

Suicide is a great solution, and I fully believe that. But, if you can't get over your natural instincts to avoid pain and bodily damage than maybe medication will help you.

Getting back to the topic, here's another comic:

Yes I'm asking you to change, but you don't have to change exactly who you are. I'm only asking you to work very hard to adapt. I know that you can't just go out and socialize but you have to work at it, day after day after day. It takes a lot of work and a lot of observation, yes meet people and hang out but also observe what they do. Understand why they do it and how those interactions help people relate to each other.

I am asking you to give up your passions, it doesn't have to be forever but the work of learning and becoming something new will require that you let them go for a while. You didn't finish HS so the first step is to study hard and take the GED. I didn't graduate HS either, I dropped out and got my GED.

I'm not NT and I'm not trying to "take" anything from you but unless you put your priorities in order you will remain in this rut. I'm not sure if you know this or not... every single thing you do right now is leading up to a very imminent future, the time to act is NOW, the time to improve yourself is NOW. Don't wait one more day to take a look at your life, find what needs changing and take action to make the change!

I know you don't want to give up those few things you like because I'm in pretty much the same boat. I love video games and I play them whenever I can. I certainly don't think it's uncool and honestly I don't give a care if anyone else thinks it's childish, but if you don't sacrifice those things for a little while now, later you will be left with nothing to enjoy.

Please think about what I've said, gather up your courage to leave the comforts you've been in and make the strides necessary to improve the entire rest of your life.

Why can't I be happy, huh? Why can't I have friends, and why do I have to be so repulsive that no female will even look at me twice? Why do I have to be such a loser and so pathetic that I grow jealous of anyone (male/female) on here talks that about their success in life. (especially dating) It gets to a point that I start to hate them vehemently and try to find any little thing about them to nit-pick. (such as going through most of their ENTIRE posting history, even it's over 1,000, I get obsessed)

I'm tired of feeling the way I've felt for the past 5+ years, I'm tired of getting made fun of, and I'm tired of feeling let out of everything. I just want it to go away. I can't be f*****g normal if tried, no one will ever accept me for who I truly am.

I'm tired of my life period. It's just so maddening and frustrating, I just feeling like punching a whole through my monitor right now.

Last edited by MR20 on 07 Dec 2011, 5:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

^ I am curious, what did you conclude after checking my above-1000 posting history?

Were in you in the 9th grade AND in special ed when you dropped out? If not, then you're nothing like me. I can barely comprehend anything beyond basic levels of the different subjects and I don't have much interests in them either. I more than likely wouldn't do very well on the GED.

I went through your posting history, You've had tons of dates and have been with a bunch of females.

That means; you're probably waaay better looking than me, you have charisma, (which I don't) and you are able to socialize and appear "normal" enough for friends and women to notice you.

I'm not normal, and I can make myself appear that way.

I also haven't even had so much as a phone number from the opposite sex.

Don't compare yourself to me, you're on a higher level of functioning.

I've never looked at your history

What do we need to do to make MR20 look at our history?

But seriously now... If you like video games, anime and porn, go for it. Stay in the house and enjoy it if it makes you happy. But I don't understand why you whine about it; you clearly choose not to get outside the house. And you can't get a girl or friends if you stay inside (unless you try online dating/friendship).

This may cause me to get an infraction but...

MR20 if I was near you in real life right now I'd punch you right in the face

I know that you may not be the most high functioning person in history but I can't begin to tell you how long I practiced and tried over the course of years and months refining my ability to be human. You have the ability to change it all. You're not interested or good in any subjects, effectively that means you will have to work hard to better yourself. Harder than anyone else, but I promise you that if you'll just take the steps you will not regret it in the end. It won't be easy, it'll probably be the hardest thing you ever do in your life. However... If you are really tired of your current life, if you really want to have friends, a girlfriend, a job, a car, or any of that other stuff... You should give away the life you currently life, give yourself over to a completely new life that starts as soon as you decide to undertake it.

I want you to do well and to have your heart's desires but saying you can't do it and then not even trying... that's fear. You are comfortable in your misery and you fear what would happen if you even tried to succeed. I've been rejected by women several hundred times by this point, I don't stop learning from it. Heck, recently my very best friend decided to not hang out with me ever again. I was hurt tremendously but I'm not going to give up on life and I'm not going to quit. I've come too far from where I was to give in now, or ever. I will be independant, I will be self reliant, and I'll enjoy every bit of life I can snatch away from the jaws of death.

This is my last post to you, make do. I know you can do it if you'll only keep trying. Go for it, and when you fall, get up and keep going. Success comes after learning from failure.

Edit: Since you love anime watch a show called Gurren Lagann, it's the only show that effectively gets my message across about just going for it...

Last edited by Mikelight on 07 Dec 2011, 5:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hmm, it's not easy to 'get outside of the house' if you absolutely have no friends to hang out.

I mean where to go other than the gym, grocery, and work? You can go alone to the cinema but it's not really a place to meet people. Going alone to the pub? it might works but loners in pubs are usually avoided. Online dating is a b***h.

Based on what I witness, most relationships emerge through social networking rather than coincidental meetings.

meetup.com

Find a group that does things you like and that meets up somewhere in the vicinty of where you live. Talk to people there, make friends. ???. Profit.

Yeah make fun and show your true colors.



I'm not WHINING I'M VENTING. Two very different things. And It's not like I had any success when I used to go out back in my mid-to-late teens/very early twenties.

Yeah make fun and show your true colors.



I'm not WHINING I'M VENTING. Two very different things. And It's not like I had any success when I used to go out back in my mid-to-late teens/very early twenties.

As I understand, he doesn't do that.

Don't promise things you don't know will work. One thing I hated the most during my times on boards was people telling me I "just wasn't trying hard enough" and that "if you work hard you will succeed". These things CANNOT be guaranteed. The world is full of losers who put everything they had into a goal and came up short. I am one of them. And this is assuming MR20 could even muster the ability to start any tasks. He can't even bathe himself or change clothes - how could he possibly succeed in things even normal people find difficult???

MR20 I know you are looking for help, or anything that might relieve some of the pain. Unfortunately, from my own experiences, people on boards will turn against you and make you feel worse. I've remembered all of the replies to my threads, I saved the pages and re-read them again and again. The anonymous posters on these boards probably don't remember me at all, but their callous disregard for my feelings sent me into some of the blackest periods in my life. How could I live in a world where people see someone crying from the gutter and instead of offering a hand or even just ignoring them, stop and spit on him?

The only thing that has helped me is medication. That's it. It changes the chemicals in your brain and you look at things differently. It's not quite so bothersome that I am bad at everything. And, paradoxically, that has helped me make some progress. So again, I recommend you seek help and ask for medication. If it doesn't do the job ask for more, or different kinds.

I don't do what?

You don't go out of the house to buy groceries or other stuff Boo mentioned. Or you just don't go out to socialize?