Have you ever dated a psychopath/narcissist?
22 Jan 2012, 1:17 am
League_Girl wrote:
I have dated neither. Here are the symptoms of NPD:
- Reacts to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation
Takes advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals
Has feelings of self-importance
Exaggerates achievements and talents
Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love
Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
Requires constant attention and admiration
Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy
Has obsessive self-interest
Pursues mainly selfish goals
This seems to describe both my father and my first wife, so my answer to the OP's question would be "Most likely yes".
22 Jan 2012, 3:08 am
UnderTheSea wrote:
With regard to Bipolar disorder, I think that individuals who experience Bipolar disorder tend to experience manic and/or depressive episodes that do not occur in direct response, and in ongoing correlation, to environmental stressors. It seems that often people seem to get confused between Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder.
I don't. I suspect I have some latent or subclinical bipolar traits, as I can feel exceptionally good or exceptionally bad about life without anything obviously provoking it. The key is that when I'm in a negative mood, even the things that normally fascinate me, or that I am normally good at, seem unremarkable, whereas in a positive mood, my weaknesses barely even register emotionally, even though they (of course) still exist, and are probably evident to others. Anyway, this is off-topic because it has nothing to do with psychopathy or narcissism per se.
UnderTheSea wrote:
With regard to Aspergers, from my experience, my sense of self does not oscilate with the same level of intensity that someone with narcissim may experience. Furthermore, when I am confronted with complex social situations that threaten my sense of self (i.e., bullying...etc), I do not try to exclude or blame others as a means to stabilize my sense of self. And so, for the most part, I do not tend to go to any great effort to control my social environment (i.e., when in unstructured social gatherings, I simply fade to the background. I don't spend any time trying to control my social environment. When an opportunity arises to speak to my interests, I'll participate.). In this way, I tend to withdraw into my own internal world, whereas, someone with cluster B personality traists may make frantic attempts, sometimes successful and sometimes not, to exert control over their external world. Hopefully that makes sense.
It seems, though, that some of this has to do with the level of perceived need to control the environment, no? Many of us don't bother to try and control the environment in social gatherings because we wouldn't want to, we consider membership in such a group to be itself antithetical to our sense of self, such that by excluding ourselves we retain our sense of "self as separate from the stupid normal world". But then when others do recognize our superiority in something, we may develop a sense of that superiority as absolute, whereas others still see themselves as inherently part of the group, not separate-and-below in some skills and separate-and-above in others.
23 Jan 2012, 10:51 am
biostructure wrote:
UnderTheSea wrote:
With regard to Bipolar disorder, I think that individuals who experience Bipolar disorder tend to experience manic and/or depressive episodes that do not occur in direct response, and in ongoing correlation, to environmental stressors. It seems that often people seem to get confused between Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder.
I don't. I suspect I have some latent or subclinical bipolar traits, as I can feel exceptionally good or exceptionally bad about life without anything obviously provoking it. The key is that when I'm in a negative mood, even the things that normally fascinate me, or that I am normally good at, seem unremarkable, whereas in a positive mood, my weaknesses barely even register emotionally, even though they (of course) still exist, and are probably evident to others. Anyway, this is off-topic because it has nothing to do with psychopathy or narcissism per se.
UnderTheSea wrote:
With regard to Aspergers, from my experience, my sense of self does not oscilate with the same level of intensity that someone with narcissim may experience. Furthermore, when I am confronted with complex social situations that threaten my sense of self (i.e., bullying...etc), I do not try to exclude or blame others as a means to stabilize my sense of self. And so, for the most part, I do not tend to go to any great effort to control my social environment (i.e., when in unstructured social gatherings, I simply fade to the background. I don't spend any time trying to control my social environment. When an opportunity arises to speak to my interests, I'll participate.). In this way, I tend to withdraw into my own internal world, whereas, someone with cluster B personality traists may make frantic attempts, sometimes successful and sometimes not, to exert control over their external world. Hopefully that makes sense.
It seems, though, that some of this has to do with the level of perceived need to control the environment, no? Many of us don't bother to try and control the environment in social gatherings because we wouldn't want to, we consider membership in such a group to be itself antithetical to our sense of self, such that by excluding ourselves we retain our sense of "self as separate from the stupid normal world". But then when others do recognize our superiority in something, we may develop a sense of that superiority as absolute, whereas others still see themselves as inherently part of the group, not separate-and-below in some skills and separate-and-above in others.
In response to your first comment, I can't really offer any meaningful response. It is your experience. I believe each individual is an expert about their experiences.
In response to your second comment, yes, in some ways, I believe it is about a preceived need to control the environment (i.e., external versus internal locus of control). However, I'm not sure it has to do with whether or not one wants to control one's social environment. Specifically, I'm not sure it's possible to sufficiently operationalize the concept of 'want.' What is a 'want'? How would one define it? Secondly, I'm not sure it's possible, in a dialectical sense, to separate oneself in a relational way from the external world. I may be positioned or storied as separate from the 'stupid normal world'; however, others rely upon this separation to sustain their sense of identity (i.e., a process of affiliation and disaffiliation). And so, in an absolute sense, I believe we are all part of the relational fabric of a group.'
31 Jan 2012, 11:47 pm
hyperlexian wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Tim_Tex, have you ever talked to a therapist about your experience with that girl? it's been a while since it happened but it seems to be affecting you very strongly in the present moment. i believe you are going to have difficulty gaining the confidence to start future relationships until you have found a way to manage that past situation in your mind.
It's because I keep hoping she will realize that her ideas make absolutely no sense, and she will divorce the guy she married (for all the wrong reasons), and consider me again.
right, and that seems really unhealthy for you. she was clearly unreasonable yet you are still attached to her. have you stopped to think what you are gaining from holding onto the hope, as opposed to what you are missing out on? your love life and happiness are on hold while you still hope for something that sounds like it caused you pain when you were experiencing it. nobody else can convince you that you are better off with someone who treats you better, but therapy could help you to value yourself more.
It's because there are no other Aspies that have the same interests, religious beliefs, or sex drive (which is very high) as me. As for politics, I have no problem dating someone who votes Democratic, but the political left assumes that I am intolerant because I am a Christian and a Republican.
maybe approach dating with less of a checklist and more of a means of seeking connections with people.
it's possible to date or marry someone with different ideas (religion is the hardest one to compromise though), as long as you are both open-minded. one or both of you might change some of those ideas with time, for example people are usually more willing to try new ideas in the bedroom after they are more comfortable and trust their partner more. so you can't totally judge how a person is at the starting gate and decide they are not suitable for you, because some of those ideas could change. politics and sex drive can and will change radically over a person's lifetime.
that woman from before was clearly unsuitable for you even though she ticked off the boxes, so that right there is a huge red flag that your checklist is not working for you.
The situation is basically:
This girl thinks I am weak, unmotivated, etc. because I don't do things exactly the way she does.
Liberals, hippies, and hipsters (who form the bulk majority of those with the same interests) immediately assume I am intolerant because of my political and religious beliefs, with no way to convince them otherwise.
Conservative Christians rarely have the same interests because they think my interests are offensive, plus they don't believe in premarital sex or any position other than Missionary.
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01 Feb 2012, 12:09 am
but the world isn't just liberals and conservatives. it's possible to get along with people that would never fit into those kind of sharply-defined boxes. *you* don't fit into a box, so it's reasonable to expect you'll find other people that don't fit into boxes either.
i think that you may be unwilling to be open to meeting new women because you're still stuck on the one it didn't work out with. until you've moved on and truly left her behind, i think you'll find reasons why everyone else is unsuitable... because you don't want anyone else - you want her. i don't think you're willing to give up on her, and i believe it is crippling your progress with other women.
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