Living together before marriage?

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Well statistics show that there is a higher chance of domestic violence and high chance of divorce once the couple decides to marry so it isn't genrally a good idea, but I do understand that financial difficulties can cause a person to move

People want to test drive a marriage and I understand, but one easier less riskier way to do this is actually go on a trip together for maybe a week or so instead.

I would prefer to live together with my partner once I get engaged and have a wedding date set and I often encourage people to try to do the same, though it is ultimately there decision.

Yeah, I don't think he would ever hit me...most likely because I'd kick his ass.

I think living together once engaged is a good compromise. One I think my family would go for, maybe. I dunno. Honestly, I'd probably live with him before that point, just because there are more job opportunities in his area and I love him very much.

I lived with my ex husband before we even dated. We were housemates. Things changed a lot after marriage even after living together for years. Living together was not an adiquate representation of marriage.

Would it have been better for you to wait until marriage to move in? Or would it have made a difference?

It was marriage which wrecked us. If my ex husband and I had not gotten married we may still be together.

What torpedoed the marriage? Kids? Finances? Differing plans for the future? Something else?

I'm trying to see how it's different. Being married has different tax benefits and you have a ring on your finger and papers saying you're married. You're still living together, what's different? I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to wrap my mind around it.

I wont put what happened on an open forum. If erisad wants to know she can pm me.

I'm just wondering if you were actually cohabiting as partners, or if you were just 'housemates'. Obviously there's a big difference there.

housemates. then fwb's. Then as a couple with other sharehouse people. Then in our own house as a couple. Then in our own house as a couple with a disabled child. Then marriage.

I think we had it covered.

Ah, okay. Well, marriage isn't for everyone I suppose.

Also, we should all hope that Rick Santorum doesn't get the GOP nomination, or loses the general election if he does get the nomination, because he wants to ban any sexual act not in line with "traditional family values" (i.e. anything outside of marriage, and not Missionary).

Because Ron Paul is lagging too far behind at this point, I have made the difficult decision to throw my support behind Mitt Romney.

...people will still do it regardless of what some stuffy conservative thinks. This is why I hate our government, they keep poking their nose where it doesn't belong. :/

Well, I told mom about our idea to live together and she is not happy. She says that's not how she was raised and she's really disappointed to me. "If you care and support each other, living together would be the easy part." Ugh. Now I feel guilty. I want to test drive it before the marriage but I don't want mom to hate me forever. I asked her if we were engaged if that would be any different, she didn't answer me. *sigh* I know she'll probably say something about it at dinner or when my boyfriend visits again in a few weeks. She expects me to get my own place and then move in with him when we're married. But I don't make enough money to move and it would be so much cheaper to live with another person. It just seems to much more practical to me to move in with him. >.<

Uh, no. Living together is the HARD PART. I cannot stress this enough. And I would never, ever, ever, ever commit to someone I had not lived with first.

If she's just concerned about you because she wants you to make it on your own, first, that's different. But otherwise, no, you have to live your own life. What can she do, realistically? Does she really want to alienate you the way your uncle has been alienated by members of your family?

No offense, but I would not take her advice in interpersonal matters, ever. Everything you've said about her shows how very limited her experience and world view are. That's no way to live life.

I know, it doesn't seem easy to me. Apparently my dad couldn't live with my mother so he left. That seemed to be the hardest part for him, aside from commitment. :/

No, she just says that it's living in sin and stuff and "not how I was raised." I don't think she'd completely alienate me, she'd just guilt trip me about it at every chance she get because that's how she is. She can withdraw financial support but that's pretty much it. It seems it's only my mom and grandma who has a problem with it, everyone else seems to push for the idea. Sadly, I just wish I could get support from my mom when I need it most. I think she just wants me to stay at home as long as possible as she got really depressed when I left for college. My brother and I are pretty much her world. Sooo this is presenting a threat as I would be gaining independence from her. >.<