Why is self confidence so bad?

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TM
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11 Sep 2012, 2:43 pm

BlueMax wrote:

Surfman wrote:

A lot of people like confident others, and would like to have them for friends, Usually over less confident friends

Women would probably choose a confident male, over a less confident one

You can remove the word "probably" from that sentence. They'll pick a chest-thumping over-confident guy over a wet noodle 99% of the time. This is the reason bullies attack others to DESTROY that self-confidence in others... over the years, they gain the advantage of remaining "confident" while their victims slowly turn into wet noodles. Then the women mate with him.

I seriously need to see some POSITIVE examples of confidence, because the vast majority of confident people I've seen are either bullies, uncooperative, inflexible and/or just plain mean-spirited.

In all fairness, if you let a bully take away your confidence forever, then you didn't really have much of that or self-respect to begin with.

I've been confident and lacked confidence, but its possible to work yourself from no confidence to lots of confidence, but it requires a hell of a lot of effort.

Surfman
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11 Sep 2012, 3:19 pm

TM wrote:

.....In all fairness, if you let a bully take away your confidence forever, then you didn't really have much of that or self-respect to begin with.

To a point, but also not really. Ongoing bullying is like water against rock, eventually the rock wears away

Your statement implys that it could be your fault for letting the bullies get to you... but when your born with weaknesses or deficits[or maybe just a plain difference of programming....] or happen to be the only person of your parents culture, amongst zenophobic dumbed down NT masses....

its wrong to place blame at the feet of one who suffers

The whole *harden up dude* is damaging when your 'out of place' or 'out of time' as many aspergians seem to be.

TM
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11 Sep 2012, 3:52 pm

Surfman wrote:

TM wrote:

.....In all fairness, if you let a bully take away your confidence forever, then you didn't really have much of that or self-respect to begin with.

It's not your fault for letting the bullies get to you, its a matter of not standing up to them and making them stop through whatever means are needed.

It's also a matter of finding out what is actual bullying and what is normal behavior. There was a thread not to long ago about someone who though a colleague was bullying him by refusing to change shifts with him.

Quote:

its wrong to place blame at the feet of one who suffers

The whole *harden up dude* is damaging when your 'out of place' or 'out of time' as many aspergians seem to be.

A lot of things are damaging, such as not having the self-respect to even try to stand up for yourself through whatever means you have.

Venger
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11 Sep 2012, 3:54 pm

BlueMax wrote:

Surfman wrote:

A lot of people like confident others, and would like to have them for friends, Usually over less confident friends

Women would probably choose a confident male, over a less confident one

That's one reason being a "womanizer" is an established sociopath trait. A lot of those so-called "confident" guys are mild-sociopaths, and they usually target passive type people(such as those with AS) to mislead others into thinking they're super-tough. lol

TM
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11 Sep 2012, 4:14 pm

BlueMax wrote:

Surfman wrote:

A lot of people like confident others, and would like to have them for friends, Usually over less confident friends

Women would probably choose a confident male, over a less confident one

You can remove the word "probably" from that sentence. They'll pick a chest-thumping over-confident guy over a wet noodle 99% of the time.

A lot of women will do this because they like to know that their man is able to protect them and will stand up for them. Confidence includes a lot of things and one of them is a sense of personal boundaries, IE "if you cross this line, X happens".

Surfman
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12 Sep 2012, 4:57 am

I take it you promote aspies strengthening their response? personal boundaries? the protection mechanisms and the guarding instinct?

That is good advice I guess, if shortcomings in these areas causes aspies to suffer...

However, I notice many males constantly on edge, ready for danger, in full protection mode

This evolutionary strength is great for survival in the wild

...but detracts from aspies strengths, which are the development of ideas, inventions and science

we are the nerds, society is not protecting us, yet we serve societies needs for science....

I dont want to devote too much mental energy into maintaining an image of strength, and i dont want to attract a female that is idealizes such an image

Overt male strength and confidence displays have little evolutionary value in the new world that cometh, unless you live in a warrior culture

Surfman
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12 Sep 2012, 5:00 am

Surfman wrote:

I dont want to devote too much mental energy into maintaining an image of strength, and i dont want to attract a female that is idealizes such an image

I guess if we aspies have shortcomings in this area, devoting at least SOME mental[and physical] energy would be helpful.

We still have the olde world for a little longer

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