How can you have hope as a 41 yo virgin?

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yah people who say it'll come eventually have me worried that yeah it will come..some 40 yr old hag AHAH

It's pretty cruel when you think about it. Here we are, born into an existence we didn't ask for, and we (Everybody, attractive and unattractive alive, or at the very least, most people) are given instincts to make us so attracted to a certain type of person with a certain appearance and/or personality. But you happen to not have the traits that are considered attractive. And yet, your instints gnaw at you and crack a whip at you and fill you with so much urgency, passion, desire, fear, and depression just to get you to pass on your genes to the best possible match. You go so through so much anguish and feel so much dissapointment when it doesn't happen. But then, somebody has ALL the attractive traits and they don't have to lift a finger or change a thing in order to attract the best. They then turn around and condescendingly tell you "HURR, SUCKS TO BE YOU!" You feel cheated and used and hate the planet and the universe for making your emotional well being nothing but a cheap sacrifice so the species can continue to survive and evolve (until it's destroyed by it's own previously beneficial traits when it gets ahold of nuclear weapons and obliterates itself.) I'm NOT saying that people need a supermodel or a perfect person!! !That would obviously be stupid. I think people CAN be satisfied with less attractive people including myself. But I'm NOT willing to bargain on a good personality. THAT is mandatory. All I'm saying is that it's kind of a dick move for nature (even if it isn't sentient) to give you such powerful drives with so many emotions attached, and then create you in such a way that you're unable to adequetly fulfil those drives. This probably doesn't apply to most people anyway, but I'm sure there are people on the very bottom rung of the ladder that, despite having good personalities and other qualities, are unable to find someone because of how humans are. If you're still having doubts about what I say, please point out where you think I'm wrong and I'll either admit it, clairify, or don't think I AM wrong. I'm REALLY not trying to come off as "I'm too good for her!!" and I HAVE ended up being attracted to people I wasn't innitially.



Absolutely, they do! And I think it's just as unfair for the female equivalent of myself who's a good person, but so unbearably ugly, that she can't get a good person.



"Change your life" generally translates into "STOP BEING A LAZY MANCHILD." in my experience, even if I'm not.

Good Lord, heres how you get over the virginity thing. Go buy two x pills. That's gonna be about $40 or $50. Then go to a bar. Talk to some girls you like. Ask if they like x. If one thats hot does, ask her if she wants to roll and then tell her to come home with you. Giver her one pill, you take the other one. Drink lots of water. Wait. It'll be great, trust me.

there is a problem in your ranking system. many goodlooking people with nice personalities are single. they aren't on "the bottom rung" of a ladder. it's more complicated than that. you could take a group of married people and a group of single people, and you'd find the same range of traits in both groups.

you may be able to fulfil the drive, or you may not. it's going to depend on some factors that are within your control, and some that are not. what IS within your control is how you react to circumstances. not one of us has asked for _X_ to happen to us, and we each have major struggles in different ways. there isn't any cosmic fairness or scales of justice to balance things out the way that we would like. so what's the point in punishing ourselves for the circumstances of our lives?

I dont know Olive, asking around if a tissue is covered in chloroform seems to be fail-proof so Im going to stick with that for a while

Don't feel to wierd about being a virgin at 41. I still was at 53 until last year. I was so shy and awkward I wasn't even interested in women until one of my cousins started messing with me online a few years ago and got me interested. Also had another cousin get me on facebook the year before and that helped too. I had no idea how to go about meeting anyone locally so I started running ads on craigslist, then I found POF and DH, and so on. I just forced myself to try it. The first date was awkward but it got better. The 3rd one contacted me first after I simply viewed her profile only to tell me that I seemed like such a decent guy but she couldn't do anything outside because of a back disability. I told her that was nice of her to message me and we became good online friends for 4 months. Then she invited me to Christmas eve dinner with her extended family and it just happened. Wound up in an intimate relationship for the first time in my life for the next 3 months. Didn't last because of her disability but I still have her as a great friend. And it got so much easier after that. But it still has to be online first for me. Don't have any friends or relatives in my area to help me meet anyone. Now I'm on at least 10 sites and several facebook groups. The only frustrating thing is at my age so many women smoke or are tied down raising kids or grandkids and I don't want that. Most tend to be too old-fashioned and religious for me also. I also made up a shirt with iron-on letters to advertise myself in public. Some think it's desparate, others love the idea! And it DID work last May at a small festival. Can't post links yet but it says: "seeking a GIRLFRIEND who enjoys the outdoors. no kids or smokers please. BBWs welcome. HIT ME UP!" It got me someone for a month, but too "moody" for me. I'm on here now because an AS woman may be better for me. But I may still find an NT too. Keeping all my options open here. So if I can learn to date from scratch without any help, anyone can! I just want to find someone to accept me as I am for the rest of my life.

thanks for sharing your story!! !! i am happy you had some success in dating.

The essence of that post is not about self-hatred, it's about self-awareness and to a lesser degree self-acceptance. I've said it before that if nobody hates you, then you are probably a push-over and someone who goes to great lengths to placate everyone.

Write a list of your good sides and bad sides, then write a list of what you look for in a woman. Just saying "I want someone who thinks I'm cute who'll sleep with me once or twice a year" means you are desperate and desperation is something most women find very unattractive.



It's not about self-love, its about self-acceptance and realizing that if you can't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? Self-love and realizing your own value as a human being makes you more attractive to other people as well because of the "image" you send out.

I am not desperate trust me although I can understand how it may seem that way from my earlier statement.
I am actually quite shallow to be honest. I am shallow to a normal degree though. If I am not physically attracted to a girl will NOT kiss her. I've hugged ugly girls cause im a nice guy though.

I am desperate to find somebody that I am attracted to that is attracted to me..that's what I am desperate to find.
I also would like to do this before 24=(0

That's about as stupid as raping a child....give a woman ecstasy(i think thts what u mean) is rape.

Would it be rape if you shared a bottle of wine with a woman, and she then slept with you? Well, excluding the rape laws in certain countries that state women are unable to give consent to sex after even one sip of alcohol.

How people like him get laid.

That said, drugs are how lots of people get laid. It loosens up both sides inhibitions so they'll have dumb promiscuous sex and have kids out of wedlock and ruin American society.

whatever image you tried posting isnt showing?

http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/A_340595_1926582.jpg

Basically I just put a picture of a "bro" there.

Actually, I just hit them over the head with my club, toss them over my shoulder and finally carry them home to my cave. Clubs are better than drugs.

the link takes me to a site with a millionlittle pictures?Im not following

anyway I hate when girls flirt with you when they arent interested. There is this woman at shop rite(our supermarket) who I've known for a few years. I shop there everyday, so we have gotten to know eachother. Today I got some things and stopped by her booth to say hi and we talked for 30 mins. I told hvr I graduated college, we talked about life etc. She ept saying ''im so proud of you'' ''you're so smart'' ''you're so funny''. She always says this with a smile on hvr face in a flirty manner lol. She is very attractive and turns 30 this yr.

BUT she is not interested in me. Due to her flirty nature, I asked her back in February what she was doing for valentine's day. I did this to gauge whether she was single. She mentioned her plans with her bf.

It's hard to feel confident in asking any girl out when eveen the ones who show flirtation are not into you.

Another girl in one of my college classes this spring was flirting hardcore. She was taking another class that I had actually already taken and she asked me if I could meet her out side of school to tutor her. I figured hmm I bet she ust wants to get to know me and doesn't need tutoring, so I said ok. Her friend also was in both classes, and she and her friend joked around saying ''you should give him a lil somethin something for his help'' and I said ''she refuses as a joke'' and the girl said''you nvr asked under her breath'' her friend also said to stop flirting as a joke.

anyway long story short, this girl and I also had a presentation together and on the last day we met I met her to go over things. She told me she was late because she was with her boyfriend..i was pissed. I actually called her a few ties to see where she was and she's like''damn you callin me like you mah mannnnnnnnn'' lol.

during the presentation she played my mother and she was very touchy feely and physical on me during the practice and script, and even during the tutoring session I did wit her.

after that class ended summer session started and I had her in my class and she didnt talk
anyway another example of a girl who shows me all of the right signs who is just fuarking me around. Im very smart which maes me an easy target for abuse lol.