How long does it take to stop obsessing?

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Kjas
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29 Sep 2012, 11:49 pm

Magnus_Rex wrote:

At least she seems curious about what I have to say. I cannot believe she does not even suspect my real intentions (that came out wrong): could I really have done such a good job in acting like I was not interested in her?

Answer: Of course I did. I look like I am almost devoid of emotions; I cannot even remember the last time I willingly hugged my own mother without being Mother's Day or her birthday.

Re: bolded part.

Welcome to being an aspie. :lol:

It's incredibly frustrating, I know.
*hugs*

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Magnus_Rex
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30 Sep 2012, 12:04 am

Kjas wrote:

Re: bolded part.

Welcome to being an aspie. :lol:

It's incredibly frustrating, I know.
*hugs*

I wonder if things could have been different if I were more like the other guys...

Well, at least I could have a chance if Hollywood ever needs an actor to portray Brainiac in a future Superman film. Not even Schwarzenegger can play an emotionless robot/alien like me.

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DISCLAIMER: It should be noted that, while I strongly suspect I have Asperger's syndrome, I am not diagnosed. Nevertheless, my score on RAADS-R is 186, which makes me a pretty RAAD guy.

Sorry for this terrible joke, by the way.

WantToHaveALife
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30 Sep 2012, 11:45 am

Magnus_Rex wrote:

Yeah, it is very frustrating. I wish women took the initiative sometimes. Even though I am pretty sure this particular girl would never take the initiative towards me.

Anyway, I am currently engaged in an IM chat with her. I have suggested a few places (while asking her if she has any better ideas; she surely has, since she has friends to go out with) and told her of the available time I have (between Friday night and Sunday afternoon).

At least she seems curious about what I have to say. I cannot believe she does not even suspect my real intentions (that came out wrong): could I really have done such a good job in acting like I was not interested in her?

Answer: Of course I did. I look like I am almost devoid of emotions; I cannot even remember the last time I willingly hugged my own mother without being Mother's Day or her birthday.

It is also very frustrating, annoying, on how life, society, culture, the media, expect us guys to "Toughen it Up" all the damn time, by saying to us "Man Up, Be a Man, Grow a Pair, Grow Some Balls, Sack it Up", makes me feel like punching, physically assaulting a dude, another man for telling that to me in person, it would be like me responding back to him by saying "I may be unable to pull p****, unable to get women, but at least I got respect for myself"

Magnus_Rex
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30 Sep 2012, 12:17 pm

But the worst of all is the fact that people do not like to deviate from the norm. You are expected to be like everybody else if you want to succeed. If you are different from your peers, you will be at best the quirky guy who makes everybody laugh, but has no close friends and is a terrible choice for dating.

I am complaining too much. I do not even know why I am even bothering to try. I really want it to work between me and this girl, but I know she will not be interested. And I cannot blame her for that: if she accepts, people will probably start questioning her judgement and laughing at her for her terrible taste.

Kjas
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30 Sep 2012, 8:21 pm

I don't think you're complaining too much.
Guys here have way more expectations placed on them than they do in anglo societies when it comes to dating. (I was reminded in a very unpleasant way of this just before I left the city :roll: )
Technically because of that, you have more right to complain about it than they do.

Do you really want a chick who places social approval above what she wants (in the case that she did want you) ?

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BlueMax
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30 Sep 2012, 8:47 pm

Magnus_Rex wrote:

That actually sums it up pretty well... the world is full of "normal" people and anyone who doesn't blend with all the "average people" will be generally unaccepted... tolerated at best, shunned at worst.

hmmmmm..... on the other hand... my workplace is so full of uncommon people, I tend to fit in relatively well!

WantToHaveALife
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30 Sep 2012, 11:15 pm

Magnus_Rex wrote:

yeah it is so damn frustrating

Magnus_Rex
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01 Oct 2012, 6:14 pm

Kjas wrote:

Do you really want a chick who places social approval above what she wants (in the case that she did want you) ?

No. But I think it is understandable if she avoided me for that reason.

Anyway, now it is official: she knows what it is that I intended to say and she does not want to even talk about it. She has not replied to my invitation yet, even though I know she logged at least twice since then. I was sure I had no chance with her, but I thought she would be considerate enough to say "no, thanks", instead of simply ignoring me. I really thought she considered me a friend.

That was really pointless. I should have done as I did back in high school: never talk to anybody in my class. At least I would not have fallen in love, which turned out to be a complete waste of my time.

I am disappointed. And confused, since I am still divided between liking her and wanting to forget her. I was really not made for this "love" thing everybody seems to be so crazy about.

Kjas
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01 Oct 2012, 7:11 pm

You did it over facebook? Or did she actually ignore you IRL?

I'm really sorry.

*massive hugs*

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Magnus_Rex
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01 Oct 2012, 7:25 pm

Kjas wrote:

You did it over facebook? Or did she actually ignore you IRL?

I'm really sorry.

*massive hugs*

I have not made progress since Friday, when I tried to set a time and place for us to meet. Before that, her last reply to me was "You need to talk to me? Wow! Hahaha", which I thought meant she was curious about what I had to say. But she stopped replying. It is obvious that she does not want to see me, and I am pretty sure it is because she actually knows I like her.

I cannot really blame her: it is probably difficult to reject somebody, even more so in this case, since I have not told her what I want. But I did not think she would ignore me.

1000Knives
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02 Oct 2012, 2:13 am

Yeah, only old people and foreigners seem to tolerate me. I'm going through one of those phases of never talking to anyone again ever, too. It's a constant seesaw, that cycle. "Oh, I'm normal, everyone loves me, I have tons of friends and I'm gonna talk to everyone!" then later it turns into "I'm weird, everyone hates me, I'm not gonna talk to anyone!"

But at least you gave it a go. And you found out she barely likes you as a friend, so you can be content in your heart going "Oh well, she's just a b***h anyway." That's what happened with my first rejection and it was easy. What was harder was my second experience of "love." That, something actually could have came of it, I didn't even get rejected, either, it was just my own lack of confidence and fear of getting close to someone for a variety of reasons that did me in. I had many chances and blew them.

Moving past "love" is hard. Oddly too, in my case, I know for me it wouldn't be hard for me to get "laid" and if I dieted at all seriously, I'd likely look somewhere close to Wolfheart. But finding the feeling of "love" again seems so elusive. It's such a weird feeling, I understand why 90% of songs are written about it.

That and having the social skills of Phillip J Fry, while simultaneously seeming very intelligent to people probably doesn't help much.

WantToHaveALife
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02 Oct 2012, 10:06 am

Kjas wrote:

)
Technically because of that, you have more right to complain about it than they do.

Do you really want a chick who places social approval above what she wants (in the case that she did want you) ?

thats obviously true, men are expected to work on themselves way more than women are

Magnus_Rex
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02 Oct 2012, 6:15 pm

1000Knives wrote:

Yeah, I am feeling a little better about it now. I am not angry at her, but she lost some of her appeal after that. Even so, I would probably accept without thinking twice if she suddenly told me she wants to try a relationship with me.
And I also have this weird "block" you say you have; I could easily get in top shape if I wanted and I am reasonably attractive, which means I could easily "get laid" if I could fake a normal behavior for a while. But there are two problems with this:
1- I am not interested in getting laid for the sake of getting laid;
2- I do not want somebody who does not accept me for the crazy ret*d (despite the supposedly higher than average IQ) I am. Damn, I may be weird, but I am not a bad person. I wish somebody would see that.

WantToHaveALife wrote:

thats obviously true, men are expected to work on themselves way more than women are

I understand that you are angry about the fact that men are expected to pursue women, but let's be honest: if you are anything like me, a more "feminist" society where women were required to pursue men would not change our situation; as I mentioned before, people do not accept those who deviate from the norm. That is the real problem for people like us.

Kjas
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02 Oct 2012, 8:14 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

thats obviously true, men are expected to work on themselves way more than women are

I was talking about the differences between brazilian and anglo culture - especially in regards to dating. Brazilian guys have way more expectations placed on them in regards to dating than anglo guys do. Not only are they expected to chase basically 100% of the time, but they are also expected to be incredibly persistent about it, and quite direct - much, much more so than is normal in America.

For that reason, this is going to be more difficult for Mag once you take in consideration the AS.

Mag - one thing that has been pointed out to me, especially in regards to friendships and dating, is sometimes our lack of reciprocity. We don't tend to be very adept at responding to the level given us in such a way that it makes it possible to move a friendship or relationship forward. When you mentioned that you didn't really touch people, but that she had given you cafunés before, it made me question whether there were other times that she had been giving you signals - but that perhaps your failure to realise to realize and reciprocate was taken as a rejection by her?
Even if not in this case, probably something to keep in mind for the future.

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Last edited by Kjas on 03 Oct 2012, 1:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

donnie_darko
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03 Oct 2012, 12:33 am

machf wrote:

It helps too if she gets happily married to someone else and starts a family...

That happened to the girl I liked (no kids yet but married). Once they're married to someone else, and especially once they have kids, you will become less interested, trust me. Though you'll still feel regret thinking "what if I was with her and not him".

WantToHaveALife
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03 Oct 2012, 2:50 pm

Magnus_Rex wrote:

1000Knives wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

thats obviously true, men are expected to work on themselves way more than women are

basically what I mean is that, for example, when it comes to Online Dating, men have to make their profile stand out way more than a woman's profile

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