smart women equal nice guys

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A girl told me once that she doesn't want to pursue a Master's degree (I was suggesting for her a highly-demanded specialization) because she would end up having very high standards for Mr. Right; and she's struggling to find him already.

What a weird reasoning.

Thought you'd find this one interesting:

http://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releas ... 033769.pdf

In heterosexual relationships, men are more likely than women to feel worse about themselves when romantic partner is perceived to be more successful.

How many times do we have to repeat at you that this just isn't true. The fact that you can't get a date does not mean all men everywhere have the same problems.

My mother was more successful than both her husbands. I have a friend who is gorgeous, smart, better educated and earns about three times as much as her partner - they have been blissfully happy for years. My ex married a woman who is more successful and earns more in the same career than he is - and he always said that a successful woman was what he was attracted to.

Trouble is, you are not taking into account class issues. Working class people do have the type of values you are espousing and it all comes to that ultimately.

"Smart" women are presumably ones who are successful such as doctors or perpetual legal associates who work 80 hours a week. It may be that men are not so much interested in someone who is already married, to their work.

Many women have some degree of an inferiority complex that can make them attracted to men that treat them less than well.

It is difficult to make blanket statements that retain accuracy since there is such diversity in individual situations.

It used to be that people dated with a view to getting married and building a family. Today the modern socialist state seems to lessen the need for a family and the encumbrances attendant. Many people today want a "long term relationship", they want the feelings of intimacy but the option to move on when it suits them. These people are looking for half a marriage and are often unsatisfied with one night stands.

The problem is that without the goal of building a family, what reason does anyone have to spend more than a couple of hours with anyone? Why would you go through so much work investing yourself in another person if they are likely to move on anyway?

The men who "succeed" in this environment are the ones willing to lie about their intentions. This leaves the women left in their wake wondering why the passing years have not brought the happiness they somehow felt they were going to get. The "nice" guys may feel that a woman that doesn't want their name, their children, or to live in a house they can provide is probably not going to be happy with them in the long run. Why promise a long term relationship, when it seems so unlikely.

In order to better understand the confusing dating milieu, it helps to consider that this world is filled with people who do not know what they want and are often mistaken about what they want. Even if someone has a pretty good idea of what he wants, he is uncertain of what to do.

The best recommendation in this sea of confusion is to figure out what you want and determine the way to find those who would be like-minded. If you want an old-fashioned and traditional marriage, do not be ashamed or intimidated. Just understand that you will have to be more focused to find something most people consider laughable.

^^^This.

I have some guy friends that fit the "nice guy(TM)" label and lady friends that fit the "bitter young spinster" label. Thier struggles are a bit different, but the route cause of thier issues (stubborness, bitterness and resentment) are the same. Being "too smart" or "too nice" is never one of them.

Doesn't surprise me. It's irrational, but I can see how they feel, even if I can't properly explain why.

On the original topic, I'd be immediately impressed by a smart and successful woman, as long as she's not a b***h. Sadly, such women are rare - but I have come across some.

It's hard-coded in our genes, males have the instinct of being providers, if their women are way more successful than themselves they might feel they are not needed as provider role.

I think this hits the "nail" on the head quite well. Again, this is on average, I'm sure there are many men who don't think this way.

I'm more curious, though, about the experiences of those few women who DO think this way, who are more the "alpha" types outside of relationships, and who are "lazy" WITHIN relationships. I'd imagine that this pattern would be much more common among aspies than the general population.

And this all overlooks a very important point. Two people can be both smart and/or successful, but in different areas, where they are not in direct competition with each other. In fact, speaking for myself, I am attracted to people socially (even for just plain friendships, to some degree) who think a lot, but do not have the same type of mind I do.

Even more than "rest", which I can get on my own or with family, I find pleasure in people who can show me new things, and whom I can learn from. Other science geeks tend to be pounding at the same "walls", i.e. scratching their heads over the same sort of questions, and it's nice to be reminded that there's more out in the world, without having to personally take time to study all of it.

The fact I can't get a date? Actually, I haven't said that I can't get a date. That's a bold assumption and not fact as you say, and you're making this personal to try to invalidate my point. That's a bit petty of you. But hey I expected it as I know from experience that there are a lot of women on here who will get personal and make snide remarks just because I'm not going to kiss up and agree with everything you say or think.



My 'complaint' if you like, is not about successful women, it's about successful women who are complaining no man is interested in them because they're successful. That's very doubtful. If they're smart, then yes often people are intimidated by it, and that rings true for men too, but that has nothing to do with success and everything to do with intellect. But that does not mean you just can't date anyone. You're often limited to other intellectuals or people who find smarts to be sexy. They're not blaming it on the fact they're often (the ones complaining) looking for a partner that is just as or more rare than they are themselves, or that they're stuck in a job 60-70 hours a week and it rules their life even when they're not at work, it just has to be someone elses fault - "men just don't like succesful women" and I think that attitude sucks.

Well as for that, an educated woman has a certain appeal imo, as she's at least smart. To me, that's a reason that she would come into consideration. If they're already smart, getting an education isn't going to hurt anything I don't think

For me there is nothing more alluring and attractive than a smart woman. I'll take a smart woman with a hand growing out of her forehead over a brainless perfect 10 any day 'o the week.