Tired of this "nice guy" and "bad boy"..

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This isn't about anyone else but you. The moment you chose to explode over an innocuous comment, made by someone who had just posted something very geeky - you chose to make it about you. Not me.

Now you're back in the deinal stage. This is like the depressive self-hatred cycle on accelerated speed.

If you still can't see it - return later.

Oh I understand. Oh yes. The question is - when are you going to stop, if ever.

See this guy will not even listen to reason.

And don't everyone jump in all once.

I am not sure why I get insulted and nobody even cares.

Can someone please explain that to me. I just don't get it.

There is an easy solution to this. But we have someone who is just as bullheaded as I am about things. He just shows some control but really is happening here is called sarcastic anger. I mean everyone seems to have different ways of showing anger. Sarcasm is a form of passive anger that is much more difficult to detect and treat since the sufferer cannot see how their dialogue effects other people. Hidden anger as it goes undetected for the most part and under the guise of humor. do the research if you don't believe me. I guess I won my therapist stripes for the day.

Maybe this is just my personality. I am just a nice guy who tends to act like a jerk because when he was younger he was abused by many people and then he felt like he could do nothing to stop the people from doing it. So he learned how to deal with these people all by himself. without any help or guidance from your family because they couldn't figure out was wrong with you until he was fifteen years old when he was diagnosed aspergers. Because he wasn't able to dissociate the pain of life he started drinking until he almost died in a car crash.. This is what a therapist assessment of what my life looks like.

If you try to raise yourself you are basically screwed. I mean I had a family who loved me but they could do nothing to help me. None of the therapists could help me because I did not want their help. I thought I could handle it myself. What 12 year old can manage to grow up okay doing that. I was an adult before I even turned 13. Not to mention the mental torture and abuse that I endured and no one did a dang thing. I was on my own.

Last edited by punkguy378 on 29 Oct 2013, 9:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

What the hell has happened here??

I missed this - this is useful.

First of all, it's a very hard thing not to make excuses. I'd suggest learning to look at one's own behavior in everything, rather than what other people do, then you'll see others more clearly as time goes on. It's not about blame, and it's not about kicking oneself. There was a great post from Geekonyis- about this on another thread recently.

Please note - I am no angel on the above, and I clearly still have work to do. Because I am human. Tigerhuman. Whatever.

Here's something useful.

Teasing IS useful. Getting used to people teasing you and knowing when something small becomes big. If you're not use to teasing, then get some practice in. I tease children. One or two are put out by it, but when they understand why, then actually it loosens them up a bit - and all of a sudden they enjoy school much more. It's like that they realise not everything is an attack.

There's a thread or two on this board where people insult the poster above. I think that's great. Why not give it a try?

If it comes down to you choosing to be a jerk or a therapist...stick to being a jerk eh, you're better at it

Were you ever teased as a child? And how did you respond?

Come and help out, if you will.

Okay I just had this thought. The whole reason I feel this way is abandonment. I might as well have been a throwaway kid. A baby you just drop off on some good samaritans doorstep or heck maybe just left in a dumpster somewhere. My real family did not want me. It was a mistake. An unwanted pregnancy. I think there is some precedent for being adopted after being adandoned by your own mother and father.

If they would of kept me my life would have been more real than this family i was given. I don't want their love I want my real mother. I don't deserve this family and all the hell I have put them through. When they are old (which they are now) I will not be able to take care of them. I do not have a dollar to my name at this point. If they weren't helping me out who knows what trouble I would be into. Drugs, crime, thievery. I cannot work because I will just lose the job.

But honestly this is not for any other reason other than I needed to get it all out. I am not asking for pity of any kind.

Please do not pity me because i can take care of myself like I always do. I don't need anybody else. I am fine being alone. I am just used to it the way it is. I wouldn't know what to do with happiness. It wouldn't even feel right to me.

Why? You're both adults and capable of simply not replying to each other.

I say this to you with the greatest respect.

You are NOT your story. (If that was true, there would be no hope at all for those who had horrendous times. Child abuse, sexual abuse, trauma of any nature, people who are paralysed...people who realise they're not 'perfect'...But there is.)

Your story is based upon your perceptions. These are unreliable - these don't have to equate to how you feel.

The main reality is how you feel. In your posts, you have this loop of feelings. It's natural - you've had a nasty break up. One minute your posts seem happy about it, then they don't - seems to be part of a cycle.

The minute you realise that your life isn't you - anymore than a film isn't the main character - you can take charge of how you feel.

The pity isn't for your life. It's for the way you feel. You have a choice. I'm not saying it's easy, but you do.

You miss the point, but no harm.

Yeah I was teased all the time. The way I talked, the way I looked, the way I dressed. I did not care about the latest fashion still don't. I found a style that works for me. Got rid of the glasses at fifteen. Started getting into punk. I was just an angst ridden angry kid who wanted to be in with the people I thought were "cool". Joined a band. Was just an all around menace at 17. Started smoking, drinking, drugs, I did anything you would put in front of me. Anything to not feel. Period. Been into punk culture ever since. It is me. It defines who I am. Its not a fashion. Its about the music and maybe trying to contribute. I am thinking of starting a band. Start contributing again. And I tend to remove anything in my life that is a hindrance. Alcohol and drugs had to go. I like being aware and alert. And knowing what I did last night is a bonus.

Anyways not like you wanted the whole diatribe.

I responded to bullies by lashing out. Basically. I was just a rebellious teenager trying to fit in. Rebel without a cause. I swore allegiance to no one except the ones like me. The outcasts, the freaks, social misfits, They were all good people though. They just were misunderstood like me. No judgment there they accepted me.

Just typical forum drama.

Popcorn time.

It doesn't sound like you were teased - it sounds like you were out and out bullied, which of course is sickening. There's a difference. I find people who haven't been teased tend to blur the boundaries very easily between something minor and major. I'm not as bad as I used to be - took work, and will continue to do so.

My point about living with a woman earlier - I wasn't trying to be an ass. What I am saying is that, in such a situation, a lot of buttons are going to be pressed. This is a situation you ultimately want. If one is hurting from the past, and can explode, and doesn't think joking is an appropriate way to go - then life could be very difficult. In a way, you should be preparing for this now, so you'll have a quality relationship that you don't sabotage.

I am going to move on now. I hope you realise what I am saying, and that you realise that you do have a chance to change how you feel. Every second is that chance. I wish you well.

EDIT - well, I tried...

Last edited by octobertiger on 29 Oct 2013, 10:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

You know the problem with society is that most people think kids will be kids. But adults teasing kids brings it to a whole nother level. And also you don't care if people kill themselves in front of you. If a kid gets picked on and goes and shoots up the school it is their problem not societies's. Wrong. society is a disease. It's the cancer that needs to be removed. Society is so busy looking for things to blame like violent movies, violent movies when the real problem is conveniently shoved under the rug. We have a dumbass president who promises to stop the violence in schools. Not gonna happen buddy until the problem is seen and addressed. The problem is we live in a society of bigotry and hate. Teaching people not to accept anyone who is different. We are an endangered species bent on annihilating itself slowly and painfuly. The times have changed but the theater remains the same. In the US, first it was the blacks that were counted for, then the irish, then the woman and now it is the time for the ones who are different to be included among the ones who will get what is deserved. You see, the people that were discriminated have got a good deal now. Doing anything to them because of their race or belief is considered a hate crime. But the ones who are bullied will get no such deal as long as the system continues to fail and break down. The system doesn't work for us or anyone else. It works for itself.

I mean I am misguided but I do not tease children. And you can rationalize all you want that what you are doing is okay. I just won't sign off on it. There is a difference between teasing for fun and bullying. I mean if every knows what you are doing it works out great until someone gets hurt.

The same thing goes for these people that want FWB relationships. you'll just hurt someone in the end. Just glad it will never be me. I never thought I lost my faith in humanity but I think I just have. Just proves to me how misanthropic I actually am. Humanity is a lost cause. Why even care about the system being broke. Humans are broken anyways.

Look I am okay now and thanks for saying that. I know I got a little messed up there. I sometimes cannot understand the difference between playful teasing and bullying sometimes. It is a common problem. Sometimes the words seem different to me. just not sure why you did it but the joking seemed to change in my mind. I mean it seemed like you did not like my idea or something and I took offense to it.

You know this funny because now I can hear what your saying again and it makes sense. I am serious. Not sure what changed but now I understand a little better now. I am just glad you meant just teasing and not the bad kind. Its good you see that what you were doing was a problem. And about all that political stuff I kind have some ideas just from being into punk. We have a tendancy to be anti-establishment. i was actually interested in political anarchism. Just reading about it. Those people that shun technology are actually a type of green anarchist. It is basically just a political theory. Yes it does share ideas with socialism but it has never actually been used as a form of government. It seems to only work on paper which is why it continues to stay a political theory only. It could never actually work in any sensible way without it turning into the same as a communist state. Which no one wants. Communism is not anything like it was imagined by Marx. It is only a front for political terrorism and dictators. The whole system is built around fear and keeping the masses in line. That is NOT what was originally intended in any way. It just shows what humans can do a system that could work if done correctly. Socialism is better I guess as long as it does not become a tyranny. I mean the US is already getting towards socialist ideas in some way. I don't like where its going.

Sorry for the tangent I sort of got off topic a little.