OkCupid experiences?

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Dox47
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05 Jan 2014, 2:03 am

FMX wrote:

I'd really like to believe this, but what about all the other aspie guys here who haven't been as successful as you? I've never seen anyone post "I send heaps of messages telling women 'u r hot, mary me?' and I get no responses. What could the problem be?" Everyone says they write thoughtful, polite messages - and still get nowhere. So there must be quite a bit more to it than that.

I don't think I said that all there was to it was being thoughtful and polite, more that the fact that so many guys are not those things provides a beneficial contrast to those of us who are. I've come to that conclusion after years of online dating, where by far the most consistent comment I've gotten is some variation of "thank god you know how to spell and aren't sending me pictures of your junk", which is a pretty low bar for sure, but apparently one plenty of guys fail to reach. There's a lot more to it than that of course, being attractive, having interesting skills and hobbies, having a good sense of humor that comes across in the profile, etc, all come into play, but knowing what not to do is a good start, and something that most anyone can learn.

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FMX
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05 Jan 2014, 2:56 am

Dox47 wrote:

which is a pretty low bar for sure, but apparently one plenty of guys fail to reach

Yeah, I was just thinking that. OK, what you're saying makes sense. This sounds a lot like a job application process to me. If you put the effort into your resume and cover letter you can definitely stand out above those who don't - but even then getting a good job is hard. (For some - getting any job is hard.)

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warsend
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06 Jan 2014, 12:56 am

a question to guys, how many messages from girls do you get? I'm wondering as compared to girls that get a ton I imagine that guys won't get a ton initially from girls, maybe it's just me though. I get a couple but not as many as I thought I would.

KingofKaboom
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06 Jan 2014, 12:58 am

warsend wrote:

I've sent 9 and gotten 3.

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warsend
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06 Jan 2014, 1:02 am

KingofKaboom wrote:

warsend wrote:

I've sent 9 and gotten 3.

from the 3 you got, did you send a message first or did they?

KingofKaboom
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06 Jan 2014, 1:04 am

warsend wrote:

KingofKaboom wrote:

warsend wrote:

I've sent 9 and gotten 3.

from the 3 you got, did you send a message first or did they?

2 I messaged first two actually messaged me first but one I ignored.

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buffinator
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06 Jan 2014, 1:53 am

I have received 4 first contacts but never a second message from any of them after I replied.

in the past week my luck went from abysmal to overwhelming so idk wtf is going on. I met a cute anime nerd, a person who travels a lot and I have a date with an NT I know nothing about Saturday and I think something Sunday as well. That will be more dates I have had in the entire rest of my life and I'm not sure what changed... possibly just getting more confident because I can come here for advice.

I'm actually having trouble with all the threads.... IDK. I know I'm bragging a little here but I'm very happy and a little drunk.

actually... It seems like most of them responded to a drunk line:

My new years resolution is to ask out a cute girl, so how ya doing and what are ya doing Saturday!

uhhh... good luck?

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warsend
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06 Jan 2014, 2:03 am

buffinator wrote:

good job! I've only messaged one girl on there and she seems up to meet from the other thread so batting 1.000

aussiebloke
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06 Jan 2014, 3:57 am

that's not a bad pick up line nethier corny nor creepy, hard not to do when your not doing a line.

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buffinator
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06 Jan 2014, 2:42 pm

you only messaged one girl? I was messaging around 40/month for the past 4 months and only now am getting luck. Good on you!

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warsend
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06 Jan 2014, 7:09 pm

buffinator wrote:

you only messaged one girl? I was messaging around 40/month for the past 4 months and only now am getting luck. Good on you!

yep. A couple reasons for that.

Location is in the middle of nowhere. Most of the girls close to me are an hour away(to the west, only important for the next thing i'm going to say). I'm going back up to college in a couple of days, 2 hours to the east. So to get a date I'm going to have to look over there and see. I'm not looking to get 3 dates a week, I'm looking for people compatible to me. I just feel there's some that aren't at all compatible to me (a 37% match girl messaged me, really?).

I've had 4 or 5 girls initiate. Like I said, I feel that's a low number. I have 4 girls who have "liked" my OKC profile. Meaning they want me to initiate convo with them or just thought I had a good profile.

KingofKaboom
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06 Jan 2014, 8:34 pm

I just did it to say good profile ore can't message. Also the match% doesn't really mean a WHOLE lot. If they have an odd say 50% i look at profile and it's still a really nice girl because I read what she says about herself myself. I don't completely trust the match percentage it isn't as reliable as a well filled out profile.

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buffinator
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06 Jan 2014, 9:08 pm

the match results dont matter if you answer every question. you have to game the system by only putting answers that will match up with the people you want to meet. If you answer a crapton of religious questions you are going to get someone based on whether or not they are religious. conversely if you avoided those questions it would not be a factor. If you answer questions about star treck and star wars or neither, those are polarizing questions as well. So when you choose a questions not to skip, that question should reflect the kind of person who want to represent yourself as and the kind of person you want to meet. If you answer all the questions about fetishes or that are deigned to identify abusers you could end up sending the wrong message. UNless, you really want to meet someone into your fetish. then make it mandatory lol.

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AQ: 31
Your Aspie score: 135 of 200
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yellowtamarin
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06 Jan 2014, 9:09 pm

KingofKaboom wrote:

Wow, assuming the person has answered enough questions to make the match % relevant, if they match around 50% we probably wouldn't get along as friends let alone romantically! The people I've gotten along with the best from that site are all 99% matches.

KingofKaboom
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06 Jan 2014, 9:28 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:

KingofKaboom wrote:

Well I'm just going by people whom I've seen. The one's with lower match scores don't always have very little in common with me they just answered very few questions.

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Eureka13
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06 Jan 2014, 9:38 pm

My understanding is that the "match percentage" shows only how many of the same questions you've answered. The "% friends" shows how many you answered compatibly, and the "% enemies" shows how many you've answered in conflict with the other's answers.

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