Why dating sites are BS

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It's been the story of life that as a brutally honest person, I am accused of lying or cheating quite frequently by ignorant people who don't know me. Conversely, my pathological liar brother can make up the most absurd story (like I am a KGB or MI5 spy for example) and people will believe him! Nothing on my profile is an exaggeration and I try to give very specific examples of what I do without giving away my identity completely or bragging because I don't do those things to land a girl but because I care and want to help.

Dating sites are full of men and women that a pin could pop their inflated egos. I really do question how many profiles are real: like the one who was a 10/10 in looks and claimed to have just moved here from New Hampshire, USA for work in a field where most are unemployed here (WTF?) Another girl loved to go on about how she has plenty of options and men need to 'step up their game' to message her and 'earn the privilege' of dating her (and guess who was paying??? Anyone?). She isn't even that attractive and is yet another late 20s university student! Not exactly unique there, Ms. Snowflake

I don't ask for much in my potential partner: straight, female (duh), not morbidly obsese, honest, faithful, reasonably conservative in appearance (no tattoos/crazy hair colours/facial piercings) and emotionally stable with at least an open mind towards children. I don't care if she works minimum wage jobs, has zero interest in sports or is short, of a different race or has a physical disability or deformity. I'm starting to think I needed to dumb down my profile like I had to do to my resume in order to get a job since NOBODY could accept I simply could not find work given my superior qualifications. It's just like a job search: I always excelled at jobs (and excelled at pleasing my partner) and quickly gained respect but getting a chance to show my skills is nearly impossible. Oh well, off to the real world for me! The fact that a bunch of my female married coworkers are always asking how the dating scene is going and offering encouragement means I must not be that bad of a person.

When I was working a minimum wage job three years after graduating university, I drove a client to work who was a grocery store executive. During the trip, I told him a bit about my back story and how long I have been trying to find work. His response? "I don't believe you. It's not possible for someone like you to have zero job offers so you must have skeletons in the closet." I assured him I did not and he still didn't believe me. I told him he can believe what he wants but that doesn't change reality and angrily drove off after dropping this ignorant jerk off. In hindsight, I should have shook his hand because I realized my problem was that I was TOO good, not worthless! I am now realizing that this is half my problem on dating sites. Women *gasp* can actually be intimidated by men and aren't the divine beings many present themselves to be.

I did use OKC for a while, but it kind of turned into a troll account where it was clear I wasn't a fan of dating online via my profile.

Really hate how they only had two gender options: male or female.

Hope that's changed.

Well, here's some fun reading: http://jezebel.com/man-poses-as-woman-o ... 1500707724

Hale_bopp, you're too beautiful and attractive to be on okcupid in my opinion. Please take that as a compliment! I used to have a profile on there, but either the desired woman was too far away, or well...this was the main reason why it didn't work for me. (It is a long selfish post, but if you are interested, read on)

I'm a coward. There. I said it. I kept believing that they wouldn't even consider dating me; that I was worthless. I wouldn't even know what to do. I was afraid that they would take one look at me and go "EEEEK!! What is that?! !! Are you even human?!". I wouldn't even try messaging any of them. My self esteem was so low, even absolute zero was too high for it. It was so low that negative infinity couldn't describe it.

A few years later, at my current age, perhaps I might try okcupid only to find out the kind of woman that I would want; perhaps she exists out there (it might sound selfish put that way, but maybe she's looking for me too). Okcupid can be useful in finding out more about yourself, and what kind of woman would be right for you. My confidence has improved; I'm at my target weight, and I have found my passion in life - a goal career-wise that I would look forward to doing every day. I'm not as angry anymore, and my temper is so much improved now. Hell, I can even clean and soon, I will cook my first meal without the fire department showing up! ( I would've offered them some dinner, but it was burned smoked salmon - it had one to many cigarettes - I told it to quit smoking) lol And I love cats! (Not that that has anything to do with it)

In any case, Getting back to you, hale_bopp, I sincerely hope you find the right man for you. Many men are into science and silly things, you know.

That does sound rather off putting. However, should be easy to filter the bs out, and many messages are still better than zero messages.

I suppose if you don't mind having your faith in humanity destroyed, a whole bunch of completely bogus messages is better than none......

I presume you mean "encountered" online specifically, not in life in general. Given that both men and women seem to find mostly crazy specimens of the opposite sex online it appears that "dating sites are BS" is a well-justified conclusion. Which just makes me wonder why anyone ever bothers with them.

But since there are (rare!) reports of people finding partners on those sites (or at least decent dates) I've got to wonder: are those people just incredibly lucky or are they doing something different to the rest?

I just want to know where are the normal women who want a normal man and a normal family reside. It seems like everybody I meet online (not just OKCupid) is either a save-the-world hipster or an ultra-fussy drama queen. There are plenty of decent women (and men) out there in reality but they all seem to be happily married at my age. That's all I am looking for: someone semi-traditional who doesn't need to brag, doesn't go out of their way to stand out and isn't unique..... just like everyone else and someone who isn't planning 10+ international trips and actually wants to be a Mother. I was quite shocked to find few women even want children even in their 30s.

I got a semi-creepy message from a guy (and I make it very clear I am straight) and I can see what the girls are talking about. Really does make you lose faith and believe that men are all sex craved pigs but I can assure you that is far from the case. On a positive note, I had a coworker a number of years back who was the full package (looks, intelligence, manners, etc) and she did find a decent guy on POF and they ended up having twins not long after and are still together.

Unfortunately, my issue remains that I freeze when a decent woman is around and obsess over her like my world will end if she doesn't like me back. I am working on that rather than wasting time online.

Well, in my case, all those encounters happened in person since the internet has only existed the last 1/3 or so of my life. Actually, come to think of it, that real-life experience definitely positioned me better for the online dating experience. I can't imagine how horrifying the online dating experience would be to someone who'd *not* already had some real-life experience with the gamut of real-world personality types.

Yes, there are really nice people in the world, both male and female. For anyone who lives in or near a big city, I would honestly suggest something like meetup.com as a better way to meet people than online dating. For those of us in geographically-isolated, low-population areas (like where I live), sometimes the online thing is the only option.

As far as finding a partner on those sites, I did it once before, but I honestly think it was sheer luck. He always said I was the only real-sounding woman whose profile he read, and he was definitely the only real-sounding man's profile I read. I think most of the luck was us being in geographically-isolated areas so that neither one of us had to do many of the potentially horrifying real-life encounters before we found each other, and thus had not become completely jaded by the experience.

Thanks for the warning - I'd better not try it then!

You know, from reading WP, I get the impression that people's opinions of their "dating market value" tend to be extremely polarised. They either think "I'm God's gift to mankind/womankind" or "no man would want me/no woman would want me". Where are all the people in-between these two extremes?! (Already taken, I can only guess.)



Yeah, I've been thinking that myself. Might give it a go some time. It's still very unlikely to lead to a relationship, but at least I won't be disappointed by that, since my primary purpose will be to just spend time doing something fun with nice people.

maybe these women think you are beneath them because they know they are kind decent human beings (they could be, can't tell by physicalities like how heavy someone is) but you are judging them based on the fact that they're "300+lbs" and not "playboy models", both of which have nothing to do with what kind of person they are on the inside.

maybe how concerned you are with physical characteristics is what is turning women off of you. it's shallow, and makes you seem shallow.

nowhere, they reside nowhere because they don't exist. there is no such thing as normal, it's a myth.

and seriously, you're actually looking for someone who "isn't unique"??? so you want a drone?

It does seem that there are very few serious people that are available in our age group, which is frustrating. I meet some every now and then, but it is also challenging to connect with them, as they tend to be more cautious/selective and usually preoccupied with a career.

Perhaps one thing I do differently is I "reply selectively". I read the link Eureka posted and could immediately see the issue - that guy responded to everyone who wrote to "him". If you only respond to people who you have taken the time to read the profile of, who you are interested in, and who wrote you a decent, personalised message, you are going to have higher quality conversations.

Hmm what else might I do differently...I don't say anything deliberately generic in my profile. It is very much a reflection of my personality so perhaps it scares the dickheads off, or they decide not to bother as I look less likely to fall for their crap.

I'm not sure what else it could be.

^^Good point.

I also reply selectively in that I only reply to the ones who have read my profile. If they've read my profile, and I read theirs and see that we are clearly not a match (i.e., a seriously religious person), I will respond and thank them, but add that I don't believe we have enough in common to warrant further communication (only maybe stated a little nicer than that).

Do they write back again and try to persuade you? I don't reply with a "thanks but no thanks" because I'd rather not get those myself. Just ignore me if not interested. And I'm not sure if this happens with the online part, but after I go on a date with someone, and I then let them know I am not interested, they will often ask me "but why" and try to convince me to give them another shot after I given them my reasons...it gets really annoying (almost harassment). I imagine this happening online too so I don't allow it to happen, by just ignoring them.