Klowglas wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
I think a lot people in this thread are confusing frustration for hate, if these people (which I include myself) hated women, there will be no desire whatsoever to want to be near them.
Kind of life how race debates degenerate into everyone being labeled a racist. Simply calling someone a woman-hater is just a cop-out, it's trying to paint something that is grey as simple black and white, someone frustrated with women is frustrated because they want to have a woman's affection. Multiple rejections over along period of time leads to frustration, which might lead to comments that appear as misogynist
-- and at that point the thing to do is to catch oneself saying such things and stop, recognizing that the problem is not "women" but some combination of oneself and particular women, and if one cannot stop, then the mods ought to step in and do the favor. Why? Because one shares the world with other people, some of whom are women, who should not have to put up with completely undeserved bile aimed at them simply for showing up female. And who deal with sexism, discrimination, and maltreatment on a regular basis for being female anyway, and should especially not have to deal with it in a supposedly friendly forum.
And it's extraordinary, but after a while, when you get used to catching yourself before spewing misogyny around, it starts to sound really rude and awful when other people do it. Because it is.
Well a person might say something nasty but I think it's important to take into account the perspective he might have, being dealt rejections over and over again isn't the sort of thing that goes without causing great grief, overtime that grief accumulates, and accumulates and then it comes to a boiling point where he must simply say something.... It's going to be insensitive, but I don't think most of the guys on these forum mean it.
Okay, so random woman who comes in and has sexist awfulness pitched her way should suck it up and be understanding of the guy who's mistaken his handful of rejections for the evil of all women. This sounds suspiciously like "it's not my fault I hit her, she got in the way of my fist."
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You can catch yourself once, twice, perhaps a few more times, but with each time you muffle yourself... it just adds more heat to your pot. People are going to want to express the reason for their pain eventualy, and in the heat of that frustration, it's going to sound nasty
Then don't say it. Nobody's forcing anyone to hit "submit". And maybe after catching yourself repeatedly, you might tumble to the idea that the problem is neither "women" nor "censorship", but something else specific to you and your relationships. Or maybe it does have something to do with institutional sexism, though my guess is that if you were looking at it carefully, you'd find it had more to do with how men treat men than with how women treat men. At which point you could talk about it in a more reasonable and thoughtful way and without throwing verbal acid around.
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but I don't think most of the guys here mean it because they really want to be with women in the first place. If there was hatred there wouldn't be any frustration because the only reason those sort of things hurt in the first place is because they were important.
It doesn't matter whether they mean it or not, just like it doesn't matter if that punch gets thrown out of frustration or because you really mean to disable. The problem is in the fact that it gets thrown at all.
23 May 2014, 3:09 pm
