Online dating I only attract low value women.

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You know I wasn't always bitter right? I had high self esteem and they took it away from me and turned me into this.

Last edited by jerry00 on 31 Oct 2014, 8:59 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I think he's talking about the way you speak to people, and the way you portray that you think about them. That's a good insight into your soul tbh.

Don't have too much to suggest, but I did note you mentioned having a lot in your profile about hobbies, interests and such and that the people responding have little or nothing written down about them.

I think with some people it is that they do not want to go that deeply at first, and are more live in the moment types. They just light to keep it light and chatty at first.

They way I talk to people might be different depending on where I am and how I'm feeling. Do you not think that's a possibility?

No one's suggesting you speak to people combatively or defensively or like you're arguing. But the way you speak about these people reveals elements of how you think about them. You might not tell them they're low value, but by categorizing them as 'low value' instead of simply 'incompatible' does both yourself and them a disservice. Once you categorize someone as low value it's going to impact the attitude you have towards them, even if you don't consciously notice it. It alters the dynamics of the relationship you have with them because it makes you see them as lesser beings, not equals.

What about them makes them less valuable as human beings? They may not directly serve your needs, but they're still people. Just as valuable as yourself. Maybe not as bright, but just as valuable nonetheless. Some of them likely have their own psychological baggage to deal with too(same with the 'high value' folks), in the same way most of this community does. Since everyone has their own unique negative traits we need to be careful categorizing others as less valuable than ourselves.

Like other people have mentioned, the people you're currently dismissing may have more to bring to the table than you're willing to consider.
Besides those people, there's also the possibility that you can improve how the people you desire perceive you, but I have to admit I wouldn't know where to start if I was making an online dating profile.

Sometimes I mean at least in California most women prefer a man with a lot of money! If you have no money your a loser and will be forever alone and double that if your autistic!So if I were to hit the jackpot on megamillions it would solve all those issues!

Some of you need to realize that just because you don't like that a social hierarchy exists, doesn't mean that's it's not real.

People with low merit will date low merit people... that's just the way this world works.

^.

In fact, my whole life has pretty much been one person after another denigrating me for my aspergers traits, because lets face it, most NTs do think we are low value people. Do you know what it's like to spend your formative years being called a wierdo and a freak? I do. Not my fault if I've started to use their own sick logic in an attempt to fit in with them. The alternative is too horrible to contemplate.

You can tell me to rise above it, but I know for a fact you don't have to be Ghandi to be loved one time.

I know reprehensible people have found love all through history. The only people who don't deserve love it seems are those with aspergers and other monsters like the one in Frankenstein.

Last edited by jerry00 on 01 Nov 2014, 4:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

Reprehensive people in hisory have found "love" because they were all powerful and wealthy.

Yep.

This is true also. There is a social hierarchy, and certain qualities (intelligence, good looks, good social skills, being independent, having your own live) are generally regarded as more positive in a partner. That doesn't mean that people that are less intelligent, reflective, wordly, good looking, etc. are less valuable as a person. These people might be great contributors to society in their own way. Yet, I understand you, topicstarter. Unfortunately we don't know how you come of in conversations or how you present yourself so we cannot determine wether you are too quick to judge and simply arrogant & short sighted, or that these women really don't posess any of the postive, high value traits.

Honestly, I see women use such terms to describe many men on online dates all the time.

What do women usually call these men who can't write well or send stupid messages or men who seem to have nothing going in their lives: Lowly, crappy, creepy, losers ...etc

Don't worry, most men there get badly rated and labeled.

And his tone is no different than many smart or successful women: ie. "I am a career woman making 6000$ per month and I want a man who's as accomplished"....you hear this a lot.

I dunno why when a man complaints about many women on dating sites, you all accuse him as being arrogant.

And you can't oblige him to like what he perceive as low-value women.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 01 Nov 2014, 8:38 am, edited 2 times in total.

No. And he shouldn't try either because that would just lead to misery for both him and these women. But his problem remains that the women he wants are ignoring his profile and the women he doesn't are replying.

There is something in his profile that is causing smart women to steer clear. Women who are (presumably) not quite as smart are responding because they think they are compatible with him or are trying to move "up" and can see a downside to him that might give them a chance (they can figure correctly that other women are rejecting him) or they are just bored and passing time. Whatever it is, the women he wants are not interested.

I see two major possibilities:

1)There is something in his profile that is a red flag for the women he wants. The women he wants either don't see then red flag or do see it and figure that it increases their chances with him. Solution: let the L&D pundits see his profile to find the red flag and remove it.

2)The women he wants aren't even on the site or are very outnumbered by the women he doesn't. Solution: other dating sites

I agree, but the general consensus of this board (at least in the past) is that girls don't work like that. Apparently, when you meet someone new, there are two options: either you become friends or you start dating. Once you are friends, however, there is no way the girl will ever see you as boyfriend material in the future. Yet I've asked married couples what they think and they say that in their experience the strongest marriages always came from people who were good friends first.

I sense your frustration here? But this is a problem, because it may be a reason that you feel alone. I am routinely frustrated by people who simply don't see the world as I do. I also see MANY people in this community alone who are quite obviously extremely intelligent but they don't defend their actions by stating they are borderline gifted. They don't really need to; it is clear they are highly intelligent.

That said- as I mentioned, I understand the frustration of not having people who you can connect with that maybe think in the same way you do or view the world you do or want to discuss the same things you do.

I think one of the issues is that you present that there is something inherently wrong with these women and inherently right with you. That's not the case- you are likely different kinds of people. So maybe you need to try a new arena. Stating you have a gifted IQ proves nothing except that you like to tell other people you are smart, really. It doesn't aid in communication, relationships, or understanding.

I'm just being honest here in saying it can seriously piss people off because really IQ means nothing in the real world. It's a number that you are born into and if you do nothing with it but use it to defend your personal judgement of other people, who cares?

Maybe try meetup.com or similar. Find a group that might have interests and maybe you will find someone with whom you are more compatible. Clearly the online dating thing isn't working. I know you want to vent, but you are also getting pretty insulting at this point so people aren't going to leave you alone on that simply because you are frustrated.



This isn't "your" thread. It is a thread you created on this site. Since it is in an area with no other specifications other than, basically, don't be a total ass... those are the only rules people need to abide by.

Last edited by SignOfLazarus on 01 Nov 2014, 7:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

That's all BS. Sorry.
I don't represent every female in the world but neither does your little summary ^up^there^. The successful relationships I have always have started as friendships. The ones that were total crash and burn didn't.

My very long term relationship right now- he is my best friend and we were friends first. There is no accurate generalization, really.



*nodnodnod*