Will She Buy YOU Dinner?

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I only wear bits and pieces of Victorian like jewelry, lace, hair barettes. I used to wear long skirts, but not much anymore - nowhere to wear those. I have large pictures of the Gibson Girls in my bedroom and my whole bedroom is wallpapered in roses and roses in the bathrooms and roses in the livingroom (I like to watch BBC movies drinking tea from my rose china tea set - and holding my pinky finger out, of course!) . My Aspie friend also shares the love of BBC movies and drinking tea in china tea sets (made in England and not China that is). I also really like the time period of the Flappers, the Titanic and the Roaring 20's. I have pictures of me in my early 20's when I wore a red Flapper costume and had one of those fake cigarettes that were really long. Good times. One of my favorite movies is Titanic and the main character's name just happens to be "Rose". That movie makes me cry every time. Have a Titanic picture in the livingroom of the actual blueprint of the boat - limited edition of only 350 pictures and (I really love it) a Casablanca fan replicated after the 19th century fans. I can't tell you how much I wish that I lived in the 19th century instead of now. Things were so much simpler and people were more "friendly". Much more laid back without all of the TV's, telephones and computers.

Those groups you speak of where everyone has to wear precisely the right clothes or they get reprimanded would make me anxious. I'd want dressing up Victorian to be fun - not something wear I'm worried if I'm dressed appropriate. I'd love to meet others that have the same passion for the Victorian Era, though. That's why I really like antique stores too. Oh! I have an umbrella that has pictures of Victorian couples on it. And another picture in the living room has a Victorian street scene. Thomas Kinkade painted a lot of Victorian Christmas scenes too that were just beautiful! I felt like I was actually there when I looked at them. Yes, if you would like, please do PM me. I can tell you really like the subject, as do I, and I would like to hear more of some of the things you have and do and maybe I can find one of those groups you spoke of.

It sounds exhausting. I don't want to be around someone where I'm wondering if I'm calling them too much or too little. Why can't everyone just come out and say what they are thinking and feeling? Life is too short to be playing these stupid games. That kind of thing turns me off more than anything. That is what's wrong with relationships these days. If I'm calling or texting too much, then tell me. My Aspie friend did and it hurt at the moment, but I'm ok now. He was honest which I appreciate. I don't want to get on someone's nerves. And these people wanting to be "chased" - it's all a big goose chase if you ask me. Keep playing those games and you'll find out that it's not going to get you anywhere but a one-way-ticket to Aloneville.

interesting. what color rose is your favorite?

I love and crave touch. I suppose in that way I'm odd even to aspies.
sorry abot you and your friend

indeed. humans are so messed up today.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a financially responsible partner. I wouldn't date a woman that didn't work, or at least, wasn't making a genuwine effort to find a job. Their salary doesn't matter to me.

There are a lot of "traditional" couples out there that do the whole provider/housewife thing, but that wouldn't work for me, unless it was only temporary (to have, or raise a child, etc.). I think the problem is, many women have jobs and support themselves these days, but they are still looking for the traditional qualities (provider), in a man...this is where things get dicey.

I'm a housewife and have been for almost all of our 28 year marriage. It's by choice. It started out because we couldn't afford daycare and by the time all the kids were in school we had noticed that we were both happier than when I worked, we had a nicer house and homelife than most of our friends where both parties worked, and my kids seemed to be very happy and I was much more relaxed than when I was during the times I would take part time jobs when the kids were little. It was our decision that I would stay home with the kids and take care of the house etc and I haven't regretted one minute of it. We get by on my husband's salary and there were times when the kids were little that I had to work when my husband was out of work and there was no work to be found in his field so I supported us, but when he found a job I quit mine. There were also times when I'd have to send them to daycare for one or two days a week just for my sanity but that was also good for them, to get out of the house and around other kids. I'd also sometimes find a part time job then and do that, but it was mainly for something to do, or it was because it was a job that looked interesting that I wanted to do, etc so I did it.

I also worked at home for a while as a writer. I wrote for a paper in Bham for a while writing a weekly op-ed column and did a few freelance pieces as well. I was a bounty hunter, a private detective working for a company under their license, and a vet tech and later on did vet anesthesia for the vet orthopedic surgeon in Bham. All but the vet work (which I did when I only had one child and it paid more than enough for daycare so I worked for about two years then) was done part time when I wanted to work and when I was needed. I could write anywhere and doing anything so most of that was done in my livingroom while the kids were watching cartoons.

I don't see a thing in the world wrong with being a housewife and I don't see anything wrong with planning to do that after marriage if both parties are fine with it and you can get by on the husband's salary. There are still girls who plan on doing that and who don't go to college or prepare for a career, although I don't suggest that for anybody. You never know what may happen and you might need to work. I went to college twice but never finished because the first time (criminal justice) I moved to DC to get married and the second time I was in nursing school and quit when I got pregnant with my first baby and was doing my clinicals. I always said I'd go back, but just never did. I don't regret it at all.

Being a housewife is important, and it's not just something that you do while you are unemployed. There is much more to it than just killing time. My kids are grown now and have all four told me recently how glad they are that I was home for them growing up and that they knew I was there on purpose because I wanted to be. I was the mom who was literally there with fresh cookies when they got home from school, and who did crafts with them after our snack and before homework. I was the mom who made intricate elaborate Halloween costumes or costumes for their school plays. I'd make fresh cupcakes in the morning to take to school that afternoon for somebody's birthday and was there to volunteer for the book fairs and playground duty. I was always there for them and had more time for them than other moms were. I'm not saying I was a better mom than them, or that I cared more, I'm saying that I had more time to give to my family than they did and I wasn't rushed by other demands like they were. Yes, they were doing something important too, but so was I. I also had time to take better care of our home and make it look much nicer with what we could afford than I would have been if I had been working, and I had more time to take care of myself as well so I look better than I would have if I had devoted a lot of time to a career. My choice isn't the choice for everybody, but it was right for me and for my family, and it is just as important and worthy of respect as having a career outside the home.

First, I did say there that I would tolerate clingy even if it's a one annoying trait.

It's not a mind game like you're painting it, and it's not a new generation thing - before smartphones there was phones.
But it is not normal, for a guy to date a girl for months and she never initiates anything, not even a single call or visit or anything; like if he died - she wouldn't even have noticed - this just shows the insignificance of the guy's existence to her life; these girls tend to be good looking and just love attention and there's an abundance of guys willing to do that- so he's easily replaceable.

If it was a friends-with-benefits thing, I would have understand, but t wasn't.

Many girls expect the guys to make the first moves, and "take control" over certain things, but they do initiate phone calls, texts, etc., after they get to know you. So, you are right that it isn't normal for them to do this, if they are in a relationship, and/or actually care for you.


Here are a few reasons why a girl would not initiate anything:

1. She isn't into you.
2. She is very insecure, and "let's" you do all of the initiating, in order to continually reassure her.
3. She is playing games
4. She likes the attention (see number 2 and 3)

some girls (not me) are raised to believe that calling a guy is immoral and overly forward to the point of "asking for it".

When I was growing up I was taught that girls never ask a guy out or call a guy first or even call him on the phone at all until you are dating a while or he specifically asks you to call him for a reason. It wasn't seen as immoral per se, it was seen as forward, pushy, tacky, trashy and possibly a sign of sluttiness. I didn't believe it though and made the first move many times and never had a problem with it. My generation may have been the last one that was taught not to do that. However it wasn't seen as something as extremely important as it was to the previous generation.

Lots of silly things were seen as a sign of being easy or trashy back then. Clothes that were too short or tight, smoking while walking down the sidewalk or standing on the corner talking to friends (oddly enough you could stand in front of your house and smoke and talk to friends but not on the corner, hookers stood on the corner probably smoking lol), kissing on the first date, going parking before you had been dating at least three months, certain colors of eye shadow, double pierced ears (yes, really), certain hairstyles, etc etc etc. It was a very judgmental time and place where I grew up. Luckily I didn't buy into most of it, although to this day I try not to smoke while I'm walking down the street and if I do, I feel very tacky doing it.

ETA: Strangely enough, one of my best friends is a hooker and she won't walk down the street smoking either so that blows the whole "hookers do that" thing out of the water. She's not a street ho though, she's a phone ho. You call her on the phone and set it up and she comes to where you are. She gets new customers by word of mouth, she doesn't have a pimp or anything.

He wasn't rich in 1999. He was really really wealthy. A house he bought in 1999 is known as Beckingham Palace. They didn't struggle by any definition.

The question should really be is, would she even have married him in the first place if he couldn't afford the first house.

It depends on if they are really in love or were then, and if she's a gold digger or shallow b***h.

Two people together deciding that one will work while the other will "housewife" is a perfectly valid choice. I couldn't, wouldn't, stay home because I'd go batsh!t crazy without grownups to talk to and an externally imposed schedule but, hey, diff'ent strokes for different folks.

I earn a good living and support myself and my dashund. I don't expect the guys I date to be rich or to cater to my every whim but I do expect them to be independent, self-supporting and financially responsible (ie pay bills on time, live within means, etc).

If the whole provider/housewife thing works for both people, and neither feels cheated, then so be it, but I have known too many couples where the guy works, and the girl just sits at home, and does nothing all day. If that was me, they would be out the door real quick.

I have a cousin that is married and she has never worked a day in her life, and I don't think she ever intends to. That's all fine and dandy, but if one day they would ever get a divorce, she's gonna be hurting.

It's good that they don't have any kids.

In our days, the only guys I know who can afford marrying non-working wives are from the wealthy class, and often the wives won't do ANY "Housewife" work- because this would be the job of the slav....**cough** I mean the immigrant maid/nanny (and yes, including raising the kids) that they "hire".

All what the wives of this category do is doing sports, going to gym (in order to stay in shape - you know, in order to keep their husbands), shopping, and organize events like parties and birthdays, the less lazy of them would do some charity work or home business (which again, the hubby has to pay the initial investment) but all this is optional.

The maid thing is a very popular slavery business of women for the local women who are pampered by their wealthy men.


I was at the pool the other day, and I have seen a local snobby-looking woman in bikini who's bringing along the Filipina maid...in her work costume, so she wasn't even allowed to swim in the pool; her task there? Oiling the employer's 2 little toddlers and keep an eye on them, because god forbids if she (the "Lady") does something motherly like oiling her own children lol, that would take a lot time from sunbathing, you know .

And it was on a Sunday, so it was supposed to be a day off for the maid.



Below is the situation of maids in most of the middle east.