A tip for women who want to know who are their admirers.

Post Reply New Topic

He quite likely will be, but then it was his own fault. He was the one that couldn't keep to his potential gf.



It's not my method. I was the target, and found it kind of amusing. Sure, it's not definite evidence people will not stray, but it increases the odds, which is what counts.



I beg to differ. That is the NT preference. Exclusiveness starts with a crush and ends with a relationship (yes, I'm polyamory too). Also, for me, relationships never end. You may stop seeing each others, but the feelings never end.



Exactly. That's what you want. A girl that will not leave you for any reason whatsoever.

But if you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend what is wrong with going after several people for dates? That is how people decide on who they want as a boyfriend or girlfriend. Typically people will go on dates with multiple people before finding one they really hit it off.

You can't just develop a crush on someone and decide they and only they will become your significant other...if they don't fancy you, or they turn out to be a terrible match after all then what are you left with if it's 'wrong' to pursue a woman that's not your crush'?

And I find the best way to check intentions is direct communication and looking at their general demeanor/behavior and if they actually act in a way that seems suspicious. Not playing games of seduction to test that...before they're even in a relationship. Even if the crush has expressed some mutual interest if they're to subtle and wait too long to express that its not really a sign of character flaws if the guy loses hope in that potential match and becomes willing to maybe give some others a chance. But then again I am not well versed in the whole do cutesy things to hint you like each other until someone gets the guts to say it. Also though I've found a boyfriend who doesn't just want sex just fine without that cumbersome test so clearly its not a necessity.

Also are you implying only neurodiverse people would only fancy one person....or that all neurodiverse people are that way? I think its your personal preference to only fancy one person at a time even when not in a relationship....I personally find myself fancying lots of different guys I see or interact with when I'm not in a relationship, yet I am neurodiverse apparently.

Where do you get the idea guys have any obligation to keep to their 'potential' girlfriend, key word being potential? Potential means it may or may not happen.

Well to each their own, but I certainly would not be amused if someone led me on just to test my 'loyalty' to someone I have no idea has any mutual interest in me or not that I find attractive. Would remind me of the crap I dealt with in highschool.

Also its not an NT preference to disagree with the notion exclusiveness begins with a crush....Honestly to me that is creepy to think there are guys out there who might develop a 'crush' on me and see it as the start of an exclusive relationship simply because they developed a crush regardless of if I share said feelings. Especially since now I have a boyfriend and I am exclusive with him....by your logic if a guy who didn't know I had a boyfriend developed a crush on me it would be wrong for him to pursue anyone aside from me until the crush is completely gone regardless of my relationship status. Sorry but weird, weird, weird.

And what I mean is a girl who does that kind of test might turn out to be very possessive, judging and excessively keep tabs on what your doing at 'all' times...and would go stalker status if you break up with them due to said behavior.

There is generally nothing wrong with it, but if you have the neurodiverse preference you may not like people acting like that, so you devise a test check their intentions. Nothing wrong with that AFAIK.



Of course you can. Done it and succeeded with it. The trick is that you don't develop a crush on just anybody, rather make sure it's mutual and that your target is responding correctly to the neurodiverse courtship.



Dating is a rather crude way of checking people intentions, and all the abusive relationships formed with dating clearly shows it's inadequate to address these issues. In fact, dating is a dream come true for narcissists that can play a game for a while to appear proper, and then abruptly change their ways as they get into relationships.



Those things happens out of luck as well.



Only those that have the relationship preferences, which is not all neurodiverse people.

Potential means you aim at something, and thus keep it exclusive. Kind of the same thing as if I send a manuscript to multiple journals at the same time and waste the time of peer-reviewers and staff. You will be wasting people's time by going after multiple people when you suddenly decide to go only with one of them.



People in high-school generally are less damaged by cultural scripts.



If it is not mutual, there is no obligation. You can just ignore any guy that has a crush on you. It's his problem, not yours. He had a bad judgement when he got a crush on you.



I'm sure they are. That's part of the picture. As I already noted, break ups are serial-monogamy stuff. You shouldn't be with such a girl if you are serial monogamy.

It seems that all neurodiverse people in this thread except you don't find anything wrong with it.

Oh yeah, devoting yourself completely to a girl you don't know at all is a much better way to not get into an abusive relationship (if you get into a relationship at all).

Also, let me say that devoting yourself inconditionately to a person without getting significative positive signals from them could also get you into a situation where you are being used.

*yawn*

This is getting boring.

You don't devote yourself to girls that don't give positive feedback. I thought that was a given?

I also fail to see how checking people over longer periods of time could possibly result in more abusive relationships or getting used? It's the briefness of dating that makes it worth-while for narcissists to pursue.

Nice, because most of the things you said made it seem otherwise. But Boo is right, I'll stop responding.

I think leading people on is wrong...even as part of a test of character.

Also beings people just get crushes on people....probably brain chemistry reaction more than conscious thought. How do you ensure you only develop a crush on someone who feels mutually. I had a crush on a guy in highschool turned out he did not feel mutually which much of the time the person you get a crush on wont like you back. Also what is it with you and 'the neurodiverse courtship'? Last I checked there isn't a single set way of neurodiverse courtship and pretty sure my methods of getting relationships would not follow that....but I am still neurodiverse not neurotypical.

I also don't mean dating is how you check peoples intentions....I mean looking at behavior whilst dating, repeatedly evaluating that I still feel comfortable with them and looking out for certain red flags is a way to do that as well as obviously see how it goes. Also if I was dating someone and once it got more serious they changed that would be a big sign I may want to break it off.

How do you keep a non-existent relationship that may or may not happen exclusive? Also I am not suggesting after deciding to go with only one women you continue seeing other people....I mean before you're in a relationship with that women it shouldn't matter. For instance my current boyfriend sent me a message on Okcupid, and it took me like a month to respond in which time he did go on dates with other women even though he thought I seemed the most ideal to him. Then after getting together a few times we discussed if we wanted to see each other exclusively and get rid of our OKcupid profiles and thus was the ending of any dating of other people. I hardly think the appropriate reaction on my part would have been 'Whaaaat! you dated other girls after messaging me instead of waiting a month to hear from me!' I kind of figured he likely had gone on some other dates since that is a long time to hear back from a potential girlfriend.

Now that it is an exclusive relationship....it would be wrong for either of us to date other people, but before it became one I didn't feel the guy had any obligation to me or that i had any obligation to him as far as staying 'exclusive'.

I think that is because a girl needs to lead me on in order for a crush to develop. I don't fall in love just like that.



The answer to that lies in the typical definition of a relationship: The talk of being exclusive. In high school and college I had crushes on two girls (edit: one in high school and one in college) and we had a nonverbal thing going for several years. I wouldn't have accepted that any of them dated or flirted with other guys, and none of them ever did. They intuitively understood that was the way it operated.



It's not an obligation. People do this voluntarily as a natural preference.

Last edited by rdos on 29 Sep 2015, 1:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Wtf

I am now under the impression you don't know what being led on is.....leading someone on basically means using them for pleasure but having no actual intention of starting a relationship. It would be like of a women pretends to like you for say a night maybe even does intimate things with you but then once they're through with you its like you never met as far as their feelings for you are concerned.

I think you mean you need a girl to express romantic interest, or flirt with you before you can fall in love with them...leading on is much more sinister.

So you are certain these two girls you had crushes on never dated or flirted with other guys? Did you ever actually discuss that with them? Or did you follow them around and observe if they expressed interest in other guys or not. They could have lied about not dating or flirting with other guys, simply not talked to you about it

And wait a second...I thought you said it was wrong to fancy more than one person at a time, yet you fancied two crushes at the same time and had non-verbal things going on with both of them?

Anyways did things work out with one of these crushes or did things fizzle out after those several years of the non-verbal thing not growing into a romantic relationship?

I imagine after long enough a woman would just move on if they are expected to not date or flirt indefinitely with only some non-verbal thing with a guy who has a crush on them to keep keep company in the meantime. Especially once they get the impression the cutesy 'make pretty eyes at each other, and send flowers with little cards with cute little messages of romance' phase of the relationship will last for years before becoming anything more.

I suppose though if you can find a women who is willing to do that cutesy stuff for years before actually going into an in depth relationship and that is what you want good for you.

:popcorn: