"I just didn't see you that way"

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What if you can't even be adequate

Why do you see yourself in such a negative fashion? None of us can give a realistic picture of ourselves in an objective fashion, you need to realize that such depressing thoughts only take a toll on your self esteem rather then being a vehicle for positive change.

Only the kind you pay for.

I used to be very positive about myself, until I realized I was only bluffing myself. The truth always hurts, and sometimes you're just not as great as you thought you were, and not as great as people said you were, all their compliments were lies to make you feel better, as they couldn't tell you what was really going on.

I learned most people compliment out of hate, not admiration or liking for you or something you did.

Last edited by AdrianR on 30 Dec 2015, 1:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

you ARE adequate, it is just that it is a terribly wicked world we live in that demands much and gives little back to most of us.

I think you are too hard on yourself. I mean so dates you've been on don't result in a second one...you still have gone on dates. I mean it would be better to see it as not succeeding yet, rather than never being able to. I mean my current boyfriend went on quite a bunch of dates with girls he met online and he told me most were pretty crappy dates, like just not hitting it off with a lot of them up until he met me. I mean he could have decided that was it, and he'd never have another relationship after his ex because of all the crappy dates or ones that didn't amount to anything...but that wouldn't have gotten him a girlfriend.

Also I mean I think he is attractive, but he's not conventionally attractive...he's rather on the chubby side, has a viking looking beard(which I like but plenty of girls don't like beards) and wears jeans and t-shirts mostly of metal bands as me and him are metalheads. I don't know unless you're horribly disfigured or have a very visible deformity I don't think its likely every women looks at you and thinks you're too ugly to date. If it's you in the profile picture I am not seeing this terrible ugliness you seem to think you've been cursed with.

I say it would make sense to keep at it...you've gotten as far as meeting and talking with women, which is one of the hardest parts according to a lot of people on this forum. There are lots of women who are sticklers on social norms and fitting in, maybe you don't have a chance with those ones...but keep in mind there's women who don't fit in either they may be more interested in guys who also don't really fit in to society norms. I mean my boyfriend wouldn't have gotten some 'normal' girlfriend they'd want him to make his appearance much more clean cut and start wearing designer clothes before they'd consider him.

So what about the people that can't even get first dates and women look at them with disgust all the time?

as a long-time denizen of the creepzone, I can tell you the water's fine in here I have a loving and if that doesn't translate well into the opposite [or even the same] sex, at least I tried.

Because it's how women see me. After years I had to except it

you only need ONE woman to see you differently, sly. even if only 1% of women weren't materialistic, that would still give you plenty to choose from. i think your negativity is your biggest obstacle.

I've been where he's at and it is a tough depression to climb up out of.

Moreover this is usually the result of repeated and extremely negative interactions with women. When you can't get women to notice you, interact with them in any meaningful manner, find anyone who shares any of your interests and are in your age range, and are repeatedly looked upon from the start as though you're some kind of disease rather than a human being, you will have a negative view of yourself in regards to dealing with women. You are going to react based on your past experiences and if they are generally negative regardless of what you do or say, there is usually nothing you can do to change that.

i'm glad you said there is USUALLY nothing you can do to change that. i had an alcoholic father and a fiance who beat and raped me, who also assured me that 80% of guys were just like him. i could have given up, but a wise psychiatrist pointed out that if 20% of guys are feminists, that gives me plenty to choose the just ONE i need from. and i (years later) found him. never would have happened had i given up. i asked him out to a movie. he said we'd do coffee instead. months went by, so i reminded him we were planning coffee. we had coffee and the rest is history.

She probably lives in North Korea and will never be allowed out.

Women in my area and state seem extremely focused on a mans job and income. If I found one who isn't shednstillmhave to be attractive to me, pro gun, into history, OK with video games, and my odd silly personality(which has gotten more odd the longer I've been alone) shed also have to live very close as I can only get places by bus or walking.

But, seriously, like what do you do when women just CAN'T see you romantically?

That's what they tell me, they just can't. They just don't see me that way.

I always got the impression that at best they saw me as akin to their pesky little brother.