Not all virgins are ugly misogynist clueless idiots.

Post Reply New Topic

I believe it's more about "a man's view of his own masculinity" than it is about the "lack of sex."

I, myself, don't view a virgin as being "less masculine" than a non-virgin--especially if he is a good person who has pride in himself. If he takes care of his business in a virtuous way. If he treats people like he wants to be treated.

Some of the most idiotic people have had sex before; some of the most sublime people are virgins.

Immediately after I lost my virginity, I asked myself? What has it done for me? In retrospect, the act of sex itself did nothing to enhance me. And it certainly did not enable me to have an actual relationship with my "first."

A few points could be made here:

1) Not every mention is a complaint.

2) Hasty generalizations about what is obvious enough to be redundant usually miss contexts you didn't bother to think of, and sometimes one of those is actually the original context the phrase was taken out of.

3) When there are several ways to interpret what someone says, only one of which doesn't make them look like a complete moron, that's usually the most productive interpretation.

4) "Being X and not by choice" can mean simply "being X, and not because of a specific choice to be X", regardless of other possible choices made.

5) Analogies have limitations.

6) Cats have rough tongues.

7) I'm tired.

Heehee. I like #6

Imho sir, a lot of people here did start-off positive, and then failed, and then became positive again, but still failed, etc.

I believe happiness and positive thinking is just extremely elusive, but I guess that's just life.

Nearly every possible piece of positive, uplifting advice given here and in real life can be countered. It's all also usually pointless, useless, unhelpful little anecdotes and idioms that have no sort of reflection on real-life.

It can take 5 minutes to think of a positive argument, but 5 seconds to counter it.

E.g: Positive: "Why not join clubs/groups in your area?" Counter: "There is none for my hobbies/interests, unfortunately." Positive: "Why not ask friends to help set-you-up or meet someone new?" Counter: "Most of my friends are male and all in the same boat as me. The people I meet through family I'm usually not compatible with" Positive: "Why not try online dating?" Counter: "I alreayd have been." Positive: "Why not therapy/psychologist to help you overcome anxiety/depression/insert issue here." Counter: "I already have been for x years."

Maybe it's because negative thinking is more in touch with reality and there is more evidence of failure than success. You could give yourself daily 'pep-talks' to try and feel better and always feel positive, but then once you think of a negative counter, you realize that is the reality.

"I am a perfectly fine person, am capable of love, and capable of being loved" says the 40 year old never had a relationship man. "Oh wait...I've been searching since 15 and still haven't found any success." The first thing might be true, or might not, but even if it's true, he's got no proof except for family and friends, people incapable of loving him or being interested in that way, say he is.

I'm not taking about the pressures of virginity either but building emotional connections like you say. Surprisingly as a teenager I've experienced no sort of negative outcomes or pressure due to being a virgin and frankly I don't give a damn if I am. I have no cultural views of virginity and to me it makes no difference.

I'm not disagreeing with what you say. I perfectly do agree. I'm just arguing it's a little understandable - misogynistic, hateful attitude? No. Whiney, crybaby attitude? Well, yes.

Does it justify the attitude, especially among adults? Not at all.

But I think even those who do have that 'just get back up and keep going' attitude and remain dedicated no matter what adversity stands in their way, also have their low points. There comes a time where everything's jsut so wrong in your life, all you can do is breakdown and cry or in this case, whine and victimise yourself of the 'big bad' scary world. I call this 'rock bottom' and usually most people should pick themselves up again as soon as possible and quit the whiny, failure attitude, but that doesn't mean you won't end up there again.

I see all the negativity and self-depreciation here not in a cruel way.

These people aren't losers or failures, they're depressed people, people at 'rock bottom'. Those with the hateful mindset are the absolute extremists.

Many people here complaining about a lack of success in love and dating may also have difficulty in other areas of their life - e.g. Sly mentions how he was in debt, has a degree for a job he can't do, a low income job, along with loneliness on top of it. Ecomatt mentions loneliness, difficulty making friends, speech difficulties and the discrimination he may recieve for his hearing difficulties, etc.

I think there's two points to make:

1. Most people here who have never been in a relationship think it's the answer to their problems, when usually it won't be. It's because they've never been in one that they can't say they don't know if it is or not.

Heck, even I still have this mindset after being in a relationship. One of my only major problems is loneliness, and anxiety.

The anxiety thing I've got covered and working on. I can be confident now in many situations and can pass as quite normal a lot of the time.

Now, the loneliness thing, a relationship CAN solve that. Friendship, a relationship, or both. I am seeking both simultaneously.

There's no way to really argue against this. You could say I should learn to enjoy independence/solitude, but not only do I already enjoy independence, but it's more like 'been there, done that, don't like it" when it comes to spending large amounts of time alone.

The only way to solve lack of human contact is just that - human contact. I'm sure the other users here also have this mindset but some may believe it will solve other issues other than loneliness even though it will not.

2. I just don't think using an escort will always be the be all, end all answer to these people and their issues. It's so much more complicated than that imho.

Yeah it doesn't help with loneliness.

I had a friend who managed to lose his "virginity" on his own, he was doing a hand-speed contest with another friend and ended up breaking it, lol. The other guy told me, it's not like I was participating or even watching.

Don't worry it is ok. I don't blame girls who reject, I blame myself because I know I am a mess. The only girls I blame are the ones who fake an interest to mock you or to stroke their ego.
About the expression I don't see anything wrong with it and I will use it if I feel like, independently of what other people think.

Paid sex feels different to me and if I don't want to regard it as an option I am free to do it.

Depends. If she wants to have fun it's ok, but if she really cares for me I wouldn't want perhaps if I find her repulsing, 'cause it could hurt her.

I really agree with this except for the standards thing, not wanting to go to prostitutes is not about standards. Also it should be obvious that we want to remain within the limits of what is valid and reasonable.

Not really the same if you never had a partner. I suspect you might think that we are trying to disregard the trouble a guy who had previous relationship can have finding a new one, but we're not doing that.

This thread is too damn long to read anything. I didn't have oral sex until 20 and I didn't have intercourse until I was 22. I'm finally able to really talk to women at age 27. Honestly, if you want to learn how to talk to women; watch James Bond movies. He's assertive, but he's not an a**hole. He would never hit a woman, but he would also never beg a woman for anything. You have to find the right balance of being nice and assertive and James Bond is honestly the perfect example. I know it sounds silly, but it's true.

That whole "Just be yourself" advice is BS and if you notice, more women give that advice than men. The truth is, you DO have to be yourself to a certain degree; however you have to be yourself without your insecurities. That's what they don't tell you. So, yes be yourself, but be a confident and assertive version of yourself. How do you do that if you're not confident, or assertive? You pretend to be, until you are.

I have this girl talking to me that my buddy put me on the phone with. I didn't know what to say to this girl. She was talking about eating cereal and I just went along with it "Yeah, I love that cereal. I haven't had it since I was a kid." Now the girl wants to hangout with me and all I did was not care what I said to her.

It's a moving goalpost. If people know your a virgin, then people will read your posts with a biased slant. Things that would read with a positive connotation, now have a negative connotation if a virgin said it.

wow i just realized something. when you said you are not a doctor, i thought maybe that pic wasnt you. then i thought you were a doctor and lying. lol thats funny. i get it now, you are just a guy in a suit so you look like a doctor.

See, the biggest problem with this statement is that it takes away from the fact that a lot actually are. I think most sane respectful people out there recognize this to be true, women and men alike of all social status. However, enough women have experienced enough shy guys turning out to be massively misogynistic a**holes to where they have the right to be skeptical until someone proves they're a decent enough person.

People have this crazy idea that this stereotype is out to hurt them, and it doesn't have to.. it's just meant for you to recognize this obvious personality flaw so many people have and make sure you don't conform to it yourself. I sure as hell know I did when I was 18 or so.

That's why "not all men" and all variants are annoying as hell, we act as if we need to be defensive about it and we don't.. just read what some women have experienced and don't be those men. It's not hard.

Hey Magi...what's your problem?

I never claim to be no doctor. I'm just me. This was what I was wearing when I went on a cruise with my mother.

Or....are you here to pull my chain somehow?

It's going to be awhile before he can answer you.

you have a chain? i'm just fleshy stuff.
*imagines kraftierobocop*

What a massive load of nonsense. Everybody starts barking like rabid dogs if a guy says such stereotypes about women but now it is fair to make these awful generalizations about guys who are already having a hard time. Hey they are only a bunch of bedroom nerds anyway so who cares, they should just man the hell up, these useless nerds.

If they have experienced it I don't really care and it's none of my business, if they treat me bad because of some virgin a**hole from their past, I will be mean to them because it is not my fault and they shouldn't blame me for it. I had women do it in the past and I won't allow it anymore.

Wouldn't it be nice if I was RoboKraftie?

But....alas, I'm just flesh, bones, blood, etc!