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"You'll find love when you stop looking for it."

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kraftiekortie
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10 Mar 2016, 6:53 am

Always remember: you're not in University to socialize; you're in University to get that degree.

When are you moving--in six months' time?

I don't think the presence of those friends should deter you, in any way, from finding a way out of the abyss which is residence in a dead-end town without an education.



androbot01
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10 Mar 2016, 6:56 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
To be fair, just because she's giving advice, whether it's good advice or not, I don't think she's trying to force anyone to act a certain way. People can choose to take the advice or not take the advice.

I personally see neither the logic nor the practicality in her advice, but she still has the right to give it.

Thanks Inquisitor. I think my advice is valid, but it's up to others if they want to take it or not. I'm just arguing my point.

marshall wrote:
Her advice is due to the fact that she thinks autistic people are inferior and have "nothing to give" in a relationship. That's why she thinks autistic people should give up. We need to be learn to be hard-hearted emotionless "independent" people who enjoy being boring and being alone all the time, even if it goes against our nature. We are supposed to fit the autistic stereotype of having no emotions and only liking "things". We're supposed to enjoy the bland and mind-numbing meaningless sterile routine of the corporate work world. Turn into a cold unfeeling automaton. What's the point of consciousness? If you could be replaced by a robot and nobody would notice? Robots are just as good as humans at empty glad-handing.

Wtf are you talking about? When did I ever defend the corporate work world. I think you are projecting your grievances en masse onto me.

Outrider wrote:
Androbot, it was an understatement - I probably feel just as lonely as you.

Once or twice every few days, I'll have a moment where I feel very lonely, and may spend 1-3 hours re-checing every dating site I'm on for possible people to get to know, looking for events to do in my boring city (there is never any), asking my Mum if we may be moving soon, etc.

It all proves futile and I feel just as terrible at the end of it than I did before.

Try spending time on yourself. Reading, walking, whatever interests you. The more you invest in yourself, the more you will have to offer a partner.



MissAlgernon
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10 Mar 2016, 7:08 am

Quote:
"You'll Find Love When You Stop Looking For It."

This is only partly true, I think.
On the one hand, being actively looking for a relationship to the point where it's a major priority creates pressure, and sometimes even a feeling of desperation on long term. And that's never good to attract someone else. It's even rather repulsive.
On the other hand, if you totally give up hope, and think that you're going to be single for the rest of your life, it's likely that you're going to neglect yourself (both physically and mentally), and you aren't going to be attractive to someone else.
I think the best way is to not look for a relationship too actively, but to still be open to a relationship when it happens.



CryptoNerd
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10 Mar 2016, 12:38 pm

ThisAdamGuy wrote:
Whenever I tell people how depressed I am because I can't get a girlfriend no matter how hard I try, they always tell me I'll find love when I stop looking for it. This makes absolutely no sense to me, so can someone explain it please? I mean, it might make sense if I had any sort of social life and met new people on a constant basis, but I don't so looking for someone is literally the only way I can find someone.


There are a couple things you have to keep in mind:

1. This advice pertains more to women than to men, since men are the pursuers, and all women have to do is wait for the right man to hit on them. As a general rule they don't have to actually do anything.

2. This advice pertains more to NT people, since they are more likely to have active social lives and be meeting new people on a regular basis.

If you're a male who hangs out in your room all day, you have basically zero chance of getting a girlfriend.



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10 Mar 2016, 1:17 pm

CryptoNerd wrote:
ThisAdamGuy wrote:
Whenever I tell people how depressed I am because I can't get a girlfriend no matter how hard I try, they always tell me I'll find love when I stop looking for it. This makes absolutely no sense to me, so can someone explain it please? I mean, it might make sense if I had any sort of social life and met new people on a constant basis, but I don't so looking for someone is literally the only way I can find someone.


There are a couple things you have to keep in mind:

1. This advice pertains more to women than to men, since men are the pursuers, and all women have to do is wait for the right man to hit on them. As a general rule they don't have to actually do anything.

2. This advice pertains more to NT people, since they are more likely to have active social lives and be meeting new people on a regular basis.

If you're a male who hangs out in your room all day, you have basically zero chance of getting a girlfriend.


That's not actually true, women have a lot of pressure to look attractive and 'put together' to even be appealing to guys, then they have to actually know where to go to even have a chance of getting approached by a potential 'right person'. Then of course you have to be 'approachable' otherwise people might assume you want to be left alone.

Also you have to be receptive to flirting or advances from interested males and return it...and within the correct amount of time or they judge it as lack of interest and make off with an apology for bothering you before you can form any words to say...or they look at you like you're mental or a bit slow before quickly vacating the area when they realise their 'mistake' of trying to get a date with a ret*d girl.

And do you figure a female who hangs out in her room all day would have a high chance of getting a boyfriend? Basically if you hang out in your room all day it will be extremely difficult to find a S.O regardless of your gender. Also though I don't know a lot of people that could cope with an S.O who never leaves their room...as that would make it kind of hard for the two of them to ever go on a date or do any activity that needs more space than a bedroom.


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marshall
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10 Mar 2016, 3:16 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Also though I don't know a lot of people that could cope with an S.O who never leaves their room...as that would make it kind of hard for the two of them to ever go on a date or do any activity that needs more space than a bedroom.

It's a lot easier for me to leave my apartment when I have someone to do something with. It's silly to assume someone will have the exact same habits with a date vs without.



marshall
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10 Mar 2016, 3:21 pm

Quote:
androbot01 wrote:
It all proves futile and I feel just as terrible at the end of it than I did before.

Try spending time on yourself. Reading, walking, whatever interests you. The more you invest in yourself, the more you will have to offer a partner.

There aren't many things that interest a person when they've become depressed, especially in a boring town. Your advice is akin to "don't be depressed", i.e. useless.



androbot01
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10 Mar 2016, 3:23 pm

marshall wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
Quote:
It all proves futile and I feel just as terrible at the end of it than I did before.

Try spending time on yourself. Reading, walking, whatever interests you. The more you invest in yourself, the more you will have to offer a partner.

There aren't many things that interest a person when they've become depressed, especially in a boring town. Your advice is akin to "don't be depressed", i.e. useless.

Well if your advice is to blow my head off, I think mine's not so bad.



marshall
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10 Mar 2016, 3:26 pm

androbot01 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
To be fair, just because she's giving advice, whether it's good advice or not, I don't think she's trying to force anyone to act a certain way. People can choose to take the advice or not take the advice.

I personally see neither the logic nor the practicality in her advice, but she still has the right to give it.

Thanks Inquisitor. I think my advice is valid, but it's up to others if they want to take it or not. I'm just arguing my point.

It isn't a matter of "choosing". Your advice is simply vacuous and illogical.



androbot01
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10 Mar 2016, 3:27 pm

If your advice is to blow my head off, I think mine's not so bad.



marshall
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10 Mar 2016, 3:28 pm

androbot01 wrote:
marshall wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
Quote:
It all proves futile and I feel just as terrible at the end of it than I did before.

Try spending time on yourself. Reading, walking, whatever interests you. The more you invest in yourself, the more you will have to offer a partner.

There aren't many things that interest a person when they've become depressed, especially in a boring town. Your advice is akin to "don't be depressed", i.e. useless.

Well if your advice is to blow my head off, I think mine's not so bad.

I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about me. Your "advice" is supposed to be for other people, not yourself. There is a difference between yourself and other people.



androbot01
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10 Mar 2016, 3:35 pm

marshall wrote:
I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about me. Your "advice" is supposed to be for other people, not yourself. There is a difference between yourself and other people.

So sorry. I didn't realize this thread was about you.



marshall
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10 Mar 2016, 3:38 pm

androbot01 wrote:
marshall wrote:
I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about me. Your "advice" is supposed to be for other people, not yourself. There is a difference between yourself and other people.

So sorry. I didn't realize this thread was about you.

It's not about me, but it's about people who are more like me than like you.



androbot01
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10 Mar 2016, 3:42 pm

marshall wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
marshall wrote:
I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about me. Your "advice" is supposed to be for other people, not yourself. There is a difference between yourself and other people.

So sorry. I didn't realize this thread was about you.

It's not about me, but it's about people who are more like me than like you.

Now that is a vacuous statement.



Sweetleaf
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10 Mar 2016, 4:57 pm

marshall wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Also though I don't know a lot of people that could cope with an S.O who never leaves their room...as that would make it kind of hard for the two of them to ever go on a date or do any activity that needs more space than a bedroom.

It's a lot easier for me to leave my apartment when I have someone to do something with. It's silly to assume someone will have the exact same habits with a date vs without.


Well that makes sense, I don't like going out alone so much either...I've forced myself(which hasn't always ended well) but yeah I spend a lot more time at home when I am single and no one is available to go anywhere. I am on disability so I also don't have a job to interact with anyone at.

The only way I got a boyfriend was with the okcupid dating site, hypothetically one can find someone to meet from the comfort of their room...just so long as they're willing to go out and meet the person. I guess I was more thinking if someone spends most their time in their room and is more unwilling to change that for whatever reason, then a relationship could become stagnant real quick. But I certainly understand being at home because there's no one to go anywhere with, especially wanting to go to an event and just not going because I know it will suck going by myself...and also knowing should that be the case I might drink a little too much and make an ass of myself because I'm pissed off that it sucks being out alone.


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kraftiekortie
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10 Mar 2016, 6:45 pm

I like this avatar too, Ann.

But what made you ditch Cinderella?