Romantic loneliness in men

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That's easier said than done, especially when you see heaps of people around you in happy relationships and take into account that the longer you wait the more unappealing you'll become.

Everyone has to bring something to the table; it's the only thing that makes sense and it is stupid to be upset about the inequity of life when it comes to gender because regardless of the differences we experience there is still much bigger differences individually. Women aren't going to want to start a relationship with you just because you had a pleasant interaction once, if nothing else is going for you in your life as far jobs/friends/money then you are pretty screwed unless you can improve your situation because even those that harp about all the forgotten lonely 'ND' women we talk about as exceptions(most aren't alone) to the rule but I can't imagine many want to double down on problems they're already familiar with. If you are disabled, don't work, have no special skills or savant ability, no money, you are essentially undatable. People aren't interesting in having a relationship with you for just existing, there are people that look just like you or better with much better prospects than you that you have to compete against. I think a lot of the resentment comes from the societal rule that men are to initiate relationships which is almost impossible for some of us on the spectrum.

I can't stand this whole depressing zero-sum mentality on relationships. It doesn't always take energy away from yourself to make someone else feel less lonely. All it takes is being together. If being together drains you, then you're not compatible.

It just seems like a lot of people have ridiculous demands. Maybe 90% of the population is narcissists. I don't get it. Life isn't supposed to be so goddamned serious and miserable.

I'm not that serious

It just doesn't seem like relationships should be as hard as people make them. Maybe the real problem is people tend to "fall in love" with people they don't really get along with. Blinded by hormones in other words. I think normal human biology is pretty messed up.

In other words, love is a bunch of phony BS to most people. Why would I want to date someone who only wants me for materialistic/narcissistic reasons.

Not you. The people who have such whacked ideas of what a relationship is supposed to be.

Are there potential partners that actually dont care if you are disabled, don't work, have no special skills or savant ability, no money? People who have experienced challenges, the type that altered their outlook on the world, might notice the qualities that you do possess, I know they will be the exception rather than the norm.


It takes very little to give, but I guess everyone has their individual flaws. I keep thinking that the move away from community life is contributing to the individualistic mindset.
Maybe the type of person who is attracted to an egalitarian community living might have an alternative value set.

Having fun keeps you youthful Kraftie

that made me hate everybody for a while, I considered the people around me to be no GD good, just mean and materialistic. then I just withdrew from their "civilization," first in my own mind then in body as well after my parents passed. now I live out in the woods and find a peace I never had before, outside of when I was a little kid and played by myself out in the woods.

I have found someone that doesn't care about those things. She's in a similar boat to me. Both of us were fairly desperate, and neither of us holds it against the other. That's why I don't understand the mindset of normal people. I'd rather deal with someone with challenges than deal with someone with no challenges who is a soulless emotional dud.

Yeah I'm more able to relate to someone else who has been through challenges too.

I have been criticised for being willing to "take on" a relationship with someone like like that.

I need someone like me and I know how to be there for someone like me.

I think the last time you said this I touch on this.

If you want a relationship, there has to be some exposure. That much is obvious to anyone with common sense. So the "forget about and it will happen" is a bit misleading.

I get the sentiment however.

I tell you what is desperate, even worse than this case!

1. rebound relationships - crying whinging single people looking for a shag and be happy with someone. This is desperate. At least they still get relationships when being desperate?!

2. Going to a night out to a bar and find a one night stand. That is desperate, because the influence of alcohol and you have been stressed in life. Want to forget about negative stuff. So you randomly shag someone. That is desperate.

3. Friends with benefits - that is simply desperate because of wanting to shag. No matter with emotions or not. Its still desperate.

4. Lots of single men go to escort - that is desperate.

So what's worst? Have passion and admiration of stable and forgiving relationship, OR the above four aspects? Which is more desperate? I want a honest answer here.

Forgetting about romance and live on your life, is more like giving up and become asexually uninterested for romance and sex. Women can sense that.

So what rules?! Hello!?

Tbh I don't care if people do the above. I won't judge them for it necessarily.

It is not for me though.

I get what you mean in the sense they can be motivated by desperation.

However you can be desperate and not want to do those those things or not feel able to.

Ecomatt please don't reduce other people's lifestyle choices to the word desperate, that's quite rude and likely to cause disagreements. It's not a 'the most desperate person' competition thread, or making others look worse thread, it's about romantic loneliness.

I don't know if I would say it is phony but it is definitely superficial at first but what is love in the first place? From my perspective it makes perfect logical to be adverse to someone that is mentally ill or disabled, if you can get partner that is normal then why wouldn't you? It's an awful thing to deal with, most people are thinking about fun things they can do and what their plans are for the future. It really is a competition, it's silly to think fatalistically anybody is meant for anybody so if you can't compete YOU LOSE! Lots of people have the social capacity and compatibility to be together, there isn't anything special about you.

If I have problems then why would I want to double down with someone with the exact same problems? I can perfectly see that perspective, it's smart and makes sense altho it hurts in its implications. I don't know how everyone has these amazing hobbies they can share with people and find partners, I just don't have much to bring to the table as I said other than the desire for companion of some sort. I'm sick, I need to get better before even having these thoughts. Is there a clock, is there a time to late? I'm not good with human relationships period so a romantic one just seems like fantasy. For some people there just isn't much reason in existing, you're just here and then you die without much happiness or satisfaction in between.




They are few and far in between unfortunately. That's not the person I want to be, that's not the person I want to stay, every day is a struggle but all I do is try to improve my situation altho it sort of feels like I am a day late and dollar being where I am from, at my age, with my life experience. You miss those important developmental years and it screws you for life almost, I have a lot of anger and resentment at the system that in my opinion failed me and my entire generation. I'm disgusted at the schooling I got, I should not of even graduated high school but they were willing to push me along and pay some union contracted teacher much more than than what the tuition to the private school my therapist thought I should go to coming out to my house twice a week for an hour or so. It's a joke, I hate every one of those administrators and policy setters because they are the destroyer of lives.