What DOESN'T count as Nice Guy behavior?

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I personally don't think being a "Nice guy" is not horrible as it sounds or is made out to be. Some women might like a nice guy. But what wouldn't count as nice guy behavior? I have to think about it, cause there was a "Non-Nice Guy" move I've dealt with a lot. I'll post what it is once I can legit remember it and talk about rejection. Though I don't condone "Non-Nice Guy" behavior in my opinion or in general.

I've never been part of a dating scene I try to avoid this as much as I possibly can. I've never done online dating, because it wasn't available during my dating years.

I've usually met girls, established a little relationship with them, then gone out on dates to the movies/cinema or something of that nature with them.

I'm not anti-dating, nor am I necessarily pro-dating.

I used to like The Dating Game on TV, though, back in the 60s-70s.

That's the difference between us. If I go to a movie, shopping or whatever with a girl I fancy romantically, it means we have a relationship. It doesn't mean we are dating. That's how it always have been.

We're not that much different.

Usually, when I go on so-called dates, I'm already "solidly" in the relationship. These dates are not, usually, a prelude to a relationship.

Interesting. I have observed this very well. I have seen some woman write off a guy of their 'potentional partner' list because she felt like the guy was not her type. Yet, the relationships that they start with the 'right' type usually crashes within a 3 year timeframe. Most woman will never get to the point of realisation who THEY are and what they need in life. It could be very well that the guy they wrote off as not the right type would've been a succesful relationship.


Anyway, to the OP :

In my opinion, there is not much difference between a nice guy or a jerk. The jerk expresses his egoism more, while a nice guy keeps it to himself. The nice guy typically wants to show the world how good he is or how much better he is than anyone else (still egoism, but hidden). A nice guy who typically fails with dating makes a few mistakes listed below :

-He tries to show how much better he is than the jerk
-He tries to impress the woman with his overwhelmly goodness
-He tries to show how serious he is when it comes to dating and relationships.
-When doing the above, the nice guy looks boring, has no sense of humor during a date and the woman starts to date someone else.


The above attracts only a very few number of woman, if at all. The nice guy then starts to spend alot of money on pickup artist websites, ranting how unfair the world is and how all the woman f**k outlaw bikers. What the nice guy lacks is a basic understanding of what dating really is. Dating is nothing more than channeling the available ingredients ( attractiveness from both sides etc) into something potentionally good.

It is a dance, a game, but it can be a dangerous game too. If you have a very good sense of humor, you can attract a certain type of woman even more during a date. It does not work with every personality type.. some will find your humor too simple or too subtle that they will never laugh. On the other hand, acting too much in your dating role can push your date away when you have a relationship because acting as an aspie costs ALOT of energie. Chances are the girl will find you very boring after a few months. You either need to keep playing your role in a relationship from time to time to keep the attraction there or you will fail miserable.

I have had dozens of relationships that ended within 6 months because of that. My psychologist adviced me to just be myself instead of acting weird and funny.. but when i see a girl that i really like, i cant stop myself from acting funny again during the dates.

I disagree rejection is in everything, rejection form a job, rejection from a school, rejection from friend groups. It's a part of life that everyone has to deal with.

It's been claimed that dating is like a job interview, and there is a lot of truth in that. Dating is like an interview with a potential partner and a social activity aimed at seeing how you fit together socially. The view that dating is like a job interview then leads down the murky road that if you apply for enough jobs you probably will succeed in the end, and so people extrapolates this to dating as well.

For people that want a social companion and don't mind finding him/her in similar ways as they find jobs, this is all fine. However, I'm not fine with the idea that a partner is a social trophy.

Not the same thing. I won't get upset if I don't get a job, or if I get rejected from a school. I have nothing emotionally invested in those things, so it's not the same thing. If anything, it just makes me try harder the next time.

Rejection from friend groups is more similar, but it's not a big deal for me either. I don't need friends, so if they don't want to be my friend, that's all fine. I also don't obsess over friends.

I don't know if you really think being rejected by a crush is similar to not getting a job, but for me those are very different things. If not getting a job is a small nuisance, then getting rejected by a crush is like being hit by a truck.

They may be slightly different bit are still rejection. Therefore rejection is part of life

It depends on whether the crush knows you exist or not, i.e. crush on sitcom actress you've never met, hot guy you've never met on college campus of 50,000 students, girl you've already had 4 fun dates with.

I never get crushes on girls that don't know I exist. That would be pretty useless.

Might be a generational issue. I have a feeling that back when you and I were in our 20s, guys typically wouldn't date random stranger because she looked attractive. I think people did far better background checks back then before going on an official date. Of course, there were no online dating either, and newspaper ads usually were thought to be "desperate".

You want to hear something funny?

I did, a few times in my 20's, "pick up" girls on the subway, and "took them home."

Risky, not a good thing.

But I survived it unscathed.

I don't recommend it! LOL

I think the 'nice guy' concept is mainly psuedo pyschology. Whatever valid points it contained were buried under a pile of confused and sometimes misandric add-ons. It seems mostly a vehicle for criticism now.

So I would forget it. Be yourself, be good to your partner and move on.

OH MY GOD, THANK YOU.

The answer is keeping your interest in her at around the same level as her interest in you.

Nice Guys are any boy or man who has internalized the prince charming message from all angles in the media and society and is angry about finding out it's all a lie.