Online dating is pointless as a guy

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good question. but in the end, to me at least, it just doesn't matter. i've come to terms with the fact that i come with a lot of catches myself, so it's only logical and fair that any girl i date will have plenty of catches too, and it would be unrealistic to expect otherwise, because it would be uneven and there wouldn't be much in common. so i try to be prepared to deal with it. by now i've learned to see "normal" girls as uninteresting. because they're simply not relevant to me

Aren't most people, though? Men and women? I don't mean that as a challenge, just saying I'm in agreement with you. I feel like most people, while individuals, have no individuality. Too afraid of standing out. I'd rather find a nice person with catches than someone easy to understand, but with little depth.

i think it depends almost exclusively on what i'm looking for from other people. i have nothing against people who don't think much but don't try to impose anything, and sometimes i sympathize with them. i can theoretically imagine how i could benefit from the counterbalance someone like that could offer me. but in practice they can easily find someone else who would be better for them, even if they might like me and i might like them. so if i want that counterbalance, i'll look elsewhere in my life. and that's what makes a relationship with them pointless and unsustainable, and what makes them essentially irrelevant to me. but otherwise, they might not be

There is no one-size-fits-all way of going about it. Be it dating in general, or online in particular.

It really depends on who you are and what you want.

I had a pretty good time of it, but I knew I had both a narrow field of taste/interest/type in who I was looking for, and a narrow appeal in terms of who may be interested in me. I'm lucky these overlap pretty well. My biggest difficulty is finding someone who interests me. I spent hours at a time going 'no. Nope. Maybe. No' through profile after profile. As such, I didn't take offense that plenty had no interest in me.

Had I done a scattergun approach, I would have had far fewer responses as a proportion and possibly in total. I had to really search to find women to message. When I found someone I actually wanted to message, I found it easy to have something interesting to say, precisely because I was interested in them.

From the point of my profile, I worked and worked on it. Honed it. I tried to be as me as I could. Though I had no diagnosis, i was well aware I was weird. I figured, if someone was still interested after wading through my profile, if they were interested because of my profile, there was a chance something could work.

Most couples I know of met each other through work or education or gatherings with friends-of-friends. They were consistently and reliably in the same place, and got to observe and interact with each other in such a way that interest and attraction could blossom.

Hopper, are you in relationship?

and the right person for them is simply because she said Yes, nothing more.

In my mind, the "right" person is someone who, if there wasn't a physical attraction, would still be my best friend.

Ditto.



Nope.

That’s what I think, too, but there seems to be an almost universal consensus against that idea. Women typically say anything resembling friendship automatically bars physical attraction; in fact, they seem to abhor the possibility of accidentally finding a friend sexually attractive. In a similar fashion, men typically deny anyone they find sexually attractive the possibility of being a friend, and they’re seen as losers with no dignity if they behave otherwise. This dictate is often summarized in aphorisms like “bros before hos”.

Then why do so many men and women who lose their partners after decades of marriage say they lost their best friend?

i think that just how ridiculous it sounds is already indicative of how the opposite would probably be wise

there's also an implied conclusion to the aphorism: "bros before hoes" - "word" - "[lol. sucka!]"

Maybe because we usually don’t learn to value what we have till we lose it?

That's weird because I usually hear the opposite. A lot of women would love to end up with their best friend but the problem is sometimes attraction isn't there. Personally I can't be attracted to someone I wouldn't be friends with.

i also hate those online surveys they make you take on online dating sites

I take much of what Spiderpig writes with a large pinch of salt. All the same, aside from good old emotional immaturity and fear of closeness ("it's easier to make love to a stranger than to ask a friend to call" went a favourite song of 15 year old me and I, a friendless virgin, would nod along in agreement), I think there is something in familiarity which can work against or undermine the erotic.

That said, I'd connect those two, and suggest that sex with someone you value and hold dear is so wonderful because of how vulnerable it makes one/requires one to be.

Don't listen to the people here OP, they aim only to put you down because you said something remotely negative about women.

You're are totally right that dating websites are a huge, huge waste of time for men. If you want a chance to date someone, meet them in real life through activities. Dating websites are a joke lol.