Should me and my ex-GF go to couples counseling?

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Well one of those times, she says that I penetrated too hard and she got hurt, and that is the time she is referring too. But I didn't intend to rape or anything, I just pushed in too hard by accident, and felt bad about it after, at that time.

It is worth noting that consent can be withdrawn at any time during the act and also the idea of coercion in to sexual activity can be considered a form of assault in some places. Sexual intimacy is an incredibly complex thing and the idea of what is and is not acceptable can vary from person to person as well as culturally but generally speaking 'No' always means 'No' even if it follows a 'Yes'.

Perhaps, if this ex-gf is insinuating that an assault took place, perhaps- contact permitting, it is worth speaking with her to find out exactly what she means in this context and working through it. I gather that things like this are not easy to discuss no matter what neurological status a person may be, but a bit more context for you would probably be very helpful.

That certainly sounds like an assault. Was there a sort of "safe word" in place in your relationship for these rough/risky situations (presuming they were common/discussed) in place of 'No'? So that you could distinguish between the fantasy and a genuine need to stop?

Otherwise it has to be taken that 'No' means 'No', no matter how much you want it to be the contrary.

You are entering into VERY dangerous territory if you maintain contact with someone like this. If she went to the police you wouldn't have a leg to stand on! You need to get away from her permanently and ignore all her messages no matter what. I will repeat that I was in this exact same situation: this kind of woman will go to ANY lengths to appease her impulses, including false accusations and "accidental" pregnancies. RUN like hell from this person!

You do sound like a kind hearted person but you really don't seem to understand what kind of danger you are in. Just getting arrested and having to fight a sexual assault charge would probably be the best case scenario if you keep her around. I got lucky: the only thing that happen was that my car was keyed at work twice a week after I broke up with her (I can't prove it but it's pretty obvious who the culprit was). Luckily she doesn't drive and has no idea where I live now!! !

Ok, I'm officially DONE with this conversation.

I really hope she doesn't know you're on this website and can read your posts because something like this can be twisted into an admission of rape.

I've worked in the legal system before, plus I've been close to an accuser in something like this. You never, EVER admit to something like this. Why? First, you probably didn't actually do anything wrong and it's not worth acknowledging. You said it yourself. She stayed in a relationship with you even after that and everything was fine, which supports the fantasy defense. So you have nothing to answer for.

Second, I earlier indicated without evidence, she doesn't have a leg to stand on. You could have been lying the whole time because it would have been up to her to dig up actual EVIDENCE, of which there was NONE except her word alone--and she's clearly psychotic. That would have come out in court if it even could have made it that far. All you had to do was deny, deny, deny and the case would have been dismissed.

I'm not trying to worry or shame you. You just need to get a handle on self-disclosure and self-incrimination. I strongly dislike advising and fighting for people on the losing side. All I want to know is that you have completely shut this GIRL (she's no woman) out of your life. That means you don't read or answer emails, text messages, that you block her phone calls, and you avoid her out in public. If she comes around your place, do NOT answer the door but rather report her to the police.

Maybe I'm wrong here, and that's ok. But I feel I/we aren't being listened to. As much as I try not to take things personally, I can't help but feel offended by this. This is not just about the potential rape thing. It's that this GIRL is still in your life. Because you continue to acknowledge her existence.

For the last time, I'm telling you she is a NOBODY. She doesn't exist. If police or friends or enemies ask you about her, the correct response is, "Who?" She's in the past. History. A bad fever dream. And right now you are AWAKE. Now start acting like it!

I'm done. Best wishes.

Mod note: Describing the perpetration of forced sex on an unwilling partner is unacceptable content and this is a warning to all posters to think carefully before posting offensive material or affirming/encouraging members who do so. If any further offensive material is posted in this thread then there will be a two step process - thread will be locked and formal warnings will be issued if necessary. I

Sorry I didn't mean to give that sort of impression or be out of line.

Can we be done now???