02 Dec 2016, 8:28 pm
Jacoby wrote:
I don't think somebody that isn't ignorant that considers it a 'dealbreaker' would make the mistake. What is the purpose other than to screen somebody out? It's not like herpes or having a kid because I might not want herpes or I might not want to be father to a child or deal with baby daddy drama, what ultimately is the damage in 'not disclosing' here?
there isn't physically but some NTs would consider it deception by not being completely open. Like a person on a dating site pretending to be someone else. Technically they are that personality and the person you spoke to but you would still be upset if they didnt look like the picture because they kept it from you and deceived even though they didn't lie because technically they never claimed the photo was themselves. (an exaggerated example i admit)
And exactly what auntblabby said! I pretended for years and it only lead to me being around toxic people who i felt uncomfortable around. As soon as i admitted my ASD i became their target and decided i would have been better off not knowing them in the first place.
Auntblabby you are so wonderful i cannot imagine anyone calling you creepy! There are some cruel people in the world
02 Dec 2016, 8:29 pm
I just realised how terrible it sounds comparing children to herpes 
oh well
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,295
Location: the island of defective toy santas
02 Dec 2016, 8:30 pm
Alliekit wrote:
And exactly what auntblabby said! I pretended for years and it only lead to me being around toxic people who i felt uncomfortable around. As soon as i admitted my ASD i became their target and decided i would have been better off not knowing them in the first place. Auntblabby you are so wonderful i cannot imagine anyone calling you creepy! There are some cruel people in the world
thank you
the hindus [in the Bhagavad Gita] refer to our world as a "hellworld." more and more I see what they mean.
02 Dec 2016, 8:43 pm
02 Dec 2016, 8:50 pm
Jacoby wrote:
It's really disheartening to make an effort and to try to better yourself only for that to be turned against you too, kind of damned if you do and damned if you don't. There are things we can help and change painful as they may be, I've worked hard to even get where I am now. Am I suppose to accept things as they are? Reading the stories on that site about all the partners that suddenly had a 180 change, I would say that is a character flaw in their specific partner rather than 'mindblindness' or anything to do with autism because you don't need that to understand the concept of reciprocation and the golden rule. The better you know someone the better you can read them and their intentions, what offends them and what their needs are so I don't think there is any excuse for such a change.
You have to keep in mind this woman likely picked out the worst stories to display so i agree its likely to be the specific partners rather than the autism. Although I realise that dating someone with autism must be more of a challenge and some people are not willing to take that on. I feel sorry for my partner sometimes with him putting up with my weirdness and meltdowns.
I've found that being in a relationship and being autistic I have to put in some extra effort to try and understand my problems so i can explain them to my partner. I also have to try really hard to not get caught up in my interest and remember to contact him. At least because he knows im autistic he is more forgiving (I once didn't message him first for weeks because I got a new video game
).
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,295
Location: the island of defective toy santas
02 Dec 2016, 8:54 pm
I watched that "autism in love" documentary, and one of the aspie male subjects [the one most like Sheldon but with none of the charm] made me wanna reach through the screen and slap him silly! 
02 Dec 2016, 8:58 pm
auntblabby wrote:
I watched that "autism in love" documentary, and one of the aspie male subjects [the one most like Sheldon but with none of the charm] made me wanna reach through the screen and slap him silly!
I watch that undatables program and sometimes i just want to go into to the screen and coach them. I really feel like there should be some sort of social and romantic coaching available. I'm lucky my mum insisted on coaching me about social situations and romantic situations. (on my first date with my now fiance she spent a week coaching me on what was appropriate, good topics to talk about, bad topics to talk about and certain movements of the face and body that may mean things).
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,295
Location: the island of defective toy santas
02 Dec 2016, 9:00 pm
Alliekit wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I watched that "autism in love" documentary, and one of the aspie male subjects [the one most like Sheldon but with none of the charm] made me wanna reach through the screen and slap him silly!
I watch that undatables program and sometimes i just want to go into to the screen and coach them. I really feel like there should be some sort of social and romantic coaching available. I'm lucky my mum insisted on coaching me about social situations and romantic situations. (on my first date with my now fiance she spent a week coaching me on what was appropriate, good topics to talk about, bad topics to talk about and certain movements of the face and body that may mean things).
you're fortunate you had the advantage of such a wise person in your corner.
02 Dec 2016, 9:02 pm
auntblabby wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I watched that "autism in love" documentary, and one of the aspie male subjects [the one most like Sheldon but with none of the charm] made me wanna reach through the screen and slap him silly!
I watch that undatables program and sometimes i just want to go into to the screen and coach them. I really feel like there should be some sort of social and romantic coaching available. I'm lucky my mum insisted on coaching me about social situations and romantic situations. (on my first date with my now fiance she spent a week coaching me on what was appropriate, good topics to talk about, bad topics to talk about and certain movements of the face and body that may mean things).
you're fortunate you had the advantage of such a wise person in your corner.
She has had to put up with my father who is very very likely autistic for the last 30 years hahaha
I really believe it could benefit other autistic so it would be nice to see if it could be offered
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,295
Location: the island of defective toy santas
02 Dec 2016, 9:06 pm
Alliekit wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I watched that "autism in love" documentary, and one of the aspie male subjects [the one most like Sheldon but with none of the charm] made me wanna reach through the screen and slap him silly!
I watch that undatables program and sometimes i just want to go into to the screen and coach them. I really feel like there should be some sort of social and romantic coaching available. I'm lucky my mum insisted on coaching me about social situations and romantic situations. (on my first date with my now fiance she spent a week coaching me on what was appropriate, good topics to talk about, bad topics to talk about and certain movements of the face and body that may mean things).
you're fortunate you had the advantage of such a wise person in your corner.
She has had to put up with my father who is very very likely autistic for the last 30 years hahaha
I really believe it could benefit other autistic so it would be nice to see if it could be offeredthat is very interesting how this all developed.
02 Dec 2016, 10:46 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
That's why I always say you all should keep your asperger secret, even from your future wife - because they will google it and find things like this.
Keep it a secret till your death - you have no obligation to tell it.
It is way better to be perceived as odd and weird for your entire life than as AS.
We are cannibals too!
Keep it a secret till your death - you have no obligation to tell it.
It is way better to be perceived as odd and weird for your entire life than as AS.
We are cannibals too!Problem is, this article is suggesting spotting an AS man with, without or a man that purposefully for the decent reasons, withhold telling others their AS diagnosis. The article suggests quick ways to tell who these men are and make a judgement call on the relationship. Often though with this in mind, women may be more able to tell an autistic man out, correctly or incorrectly.
Keeping a secret is null and void if people desire to second guess, for which is often a lose/lose situation if keeping secrets and having as can involve a lot of mistrust and resentment.
02 Dec 2016, 11:44 pm
All these stories make me wonder if I'm terrible will I suddenly not desire touch, and become an a**hole after getting married 
maybe I am unloavable.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,295
Location: the island of defective toy santas
02 Dec 2016, 11:45 pm
sly279 wrote:
All these stories make me wonder if I'm terrible will I suddenly not desire touch, and become an as*hole after getting married maybe I am unloavable.
maybe I am unloavable.your mileage may vary.
IOW don't generalize from the aforementioned negative examples.
03 Dec 2016, 1:08 am
auntblabby wrote:
sly279 wrote:
All these stories make me wonder if I'm terrible will I suddenly not desire touch, and become an as*hole after getting married maybe I am unloavable.
maybe I am unloavable.your mileage may vary.
IOW don't generalize from the aforementioned negative examples.Iow?
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,295
Location: the island of defective toy santas
03 Dec 2016, 1:14 am
sly279 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
sly279 wrote:
All these stories make me wonder if I'm terrible will I suddenly not desire touch, and become an as*hole after getting married maybe I am unloavable.
maybe I am unloavable.your mileage may vary.
IOW don't generalize from the aforementioned negative examples.Iow?
In
Other
Words
03 Dec 2016, 2:09 am
Alliekit wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
I don't think somebody that isn't ignorant that considers it a 'dealbreaker' would make the mistake. What is the purpose other than to screen somebody out? It's not like herpes or having a kid because I might not want herpes or I might not want to be father to a child or deal with baby daddy drama, what ultimately is the damage in 'not disclosing' here?
there isn't physically but some NTs would consider it deception by not being completely open. Like a person on a dating site pretending to be someone else. Technically they are that personality and the person you spoke to but you would still be upset if they didnt look like the picture because they kept it from you and deceived even though they didn't lie because technically they never claimed the photo was themselves. (an exaggerated example i admit)
And exactly what auntblabby said! I pretended for years and it only lead to me being around toxic people who i felt uncomfortable around. As soon as i admitted my ASD i became their target and decided i would have been better off not knowing them in the first place.
Auntblabby you are so wonderful i cannot imagine anyone calling you creepy! There are some cruel people in the world
If I had met someone and they seemed to be this good of person I met and then all of a sudden they changed into a different person after we move in together or got married, I would feel deceived and tricked because I want people to be themselves, not put on a persona. I think it's so wrong to be something you are not because if you are not willing to keep up with that charade for life, don't do it. That is just hurtful and very dishonest. But apparently some aspies do that according to NT women. BTW I have never seen any aspies say they did this so I am not sure where these NT women are finding these aspies that do it but if they are self diagnosed, I don't take it seriously because they could have anything or they could just be a jerk and women are just using an armchair medical diagnoses to explain their behavior.
If someone wants to better themselves, I am fine with that. But if it's about deception, I am not fine.
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| Sensory Issues |
22 Jul 2026, 11:39 am |
| Is it wrong to talk about personal issues at work? |
22 Aug 2026, 2:15 pm |
