Slys dating site advice help thread.

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No one is gonna admit that in a dating profile.

368 hits for "not ambitious" within a 200 mile radius for women from 40 through 54 and under 5' 5".

to be fair that might be a little old for sly ? try running the search a couple decades younger.

I tried setting it from 20 to 24 but it won't let me search that particular age range. Any ideas what I can do short of buying a paid account? Everything is at defaults of "anything" except the 200 mile range. Seems to be stuck on middle aged women. Not that I mind, but I can't do the search you want me to do. Nor can I do 20 to 30. Still comes up with women in their 40s. Maybe someone with a paid account can do a search for Sly?

Is this because they charge money to search for younger ages? Or because they're playing the part of age-police and not allowing users to search for people much younger than themselves? Either way, pretty lame.

Are these women saying they're not ambitious or are they saying they're seeking a man who's not ambitious?

Example of a POF profile:
I am Seeking a Man For Long Term
Needs Test Not Completed Chemistry View her chemistry results
Do you drink? Socially Do you want children? Does not want children
Marital Status Divorced Do you do drugs? No
Hair Color Brown Eye Color Brown
Do you have a car? Yes Do you have children? Yes
Longest Relationship Over 10 years How ambitious are you? Not Ambitious
Pets Cat

Women tend to date up, it doesn’t mean they want an equally not ambitious.
I bet most of them prefer ambitious men even tho they describe themselves non ambitious.

But yeah, they’re less likely to want too ambitious; this is a good idea overall.

How ambitious is too ambitious?

No search option for ambitious on the pof app.

All this searching instead of just living.

I can be guilty of the same at times, and so many friends (and people on this forum) have recommended that I, and others, not focus on finding a partner and that by just living and being your authentic happy true self, eventually at some point you might just meet someone you're compatible with. It's happened for countless others.

Anyways, its what just popped into my mind when I read this post. Yeah, I get that with technology & apps and modern society we're a click or two away from a query to find someone to chat with or go on a date with or hookup with or whatever. But to what end? A bunch of stress searching and searching endlessly. That time is better spent living your life, as my friends and others have advised me and countless others to do. There are TONS of things I'd rather be doing with my time than searching a database of single people, and for MOST of us, we're more likely to be happy doing those things we enjoy - and then just like others have pointed out & I'm doing now: someone might just catch you being you in your moment of happiness, and that starts a conversation, then a future meeting, a date, a friendship, a relationship etc. And if not, oh well, at least you spent your time doing something you enjoyed vs. frustrating yourself searching a database of single people on a phone app.

Just sayin'.

Won’t meet any women living my life. If I every going meet a woman and get a gf it’ll be from a dating site. I don’t meet women in my room playing video gamers. And women at work all all too good for me. And women out and about want left alone and also are too good for me.

This isn’t 1950.
The only chance I have at finding a gf is online dating sites.

And I don’t enjoy anymore much anymore since being alone means non of it has any meaning. Christmas sucks now, I use to love it. But is just hollow and empty and horrible now. Same goes for anything I do. For people like me nothing means anything if you don’t have anyone to share it with. But you and others who are happy alone or prefer to be alone won’t and can’t understand. People like me need companionship to be happy and content. I won’t judge hermits so I just ask you don’t judge me. There’s no one way to happiness.

This all started because Sly was wondering how to find women that weren't ambitious.
It took me only a few minutes to look at POF and figure out how to use the advanced search on the Web Browser version of POF that would quickly locate a small number of women's profiles with exactly that characteristic. But, with modern technology being what it is, apparently Sly can't duplicate my experience.

This precisely why I don't like the common question of "Well, what would you do?" Well, I could tell you exactly how I would do it in great detail, but no matter how much time I spent explaining it, you still wouldn't be able to do it that way. There is always an excuse or reason as to why you can't do it the way I do it.

Maybe you do have a higher probability of meeting someone via a dating site.
Maybe you'll meet a gamer girl online - that's happened for other humans.
That's YOU deciding all women at work are too good for you vs. talking with any of them.
That's YOU deciding that women out in public just want to be left alone.

Meanwhile, in reality, countless people meet each other out in public while they're grocery shopping, getting gas, grabbing a coffee, going for a jog or hike or any other number of things that takes them out of the house and into public areas. Get real, sly. It's not IMPOSSIBLE for people to meet a potential date or partner out in public. It happens All. The. Time. It could happen for you, too, but not if you're automatically opposed to it and have already decided that there's no way no how you're ever going to allow the possibility of it to enter your life. That's on you & your negative thinking and assumptions vs. there actually being a reality where ALL women want to be left alone and not "bothered" in public.

Christmas? It's up to you what you make of it. I've been single my entire life, technically, only having had crushes and dates and fwb's vs. an official relationship. I've had good Christmases and bad. I LOVE Christmas, though. It's such a wonderful time to spoil my God kids, nieces, nephews, and friends. I MAKE IT what I make it & you can make yours whatever you want it to be. Go spoil some random unfortunate child if you might get some fulfillment out of it, or volunteer somewhere if you have time to spend but not money. Or stay home and play video games & throw yourself a little pity party where you've predetermined that you're not going to enjoy Christmas one bit if that's what You Choose to do, but just know that however your Christmas is it's what You made it.

As for general happiness, the cliche holds true. It comes from within - from your own thoughts and reactions to the world around you. Believing that you can only be happy with some partner in your life is a fallacy. It's also called being codependent and generally not an advisable way to live one's life. Learn to overcome that and be happy on your own terms, with yourself, by yourself. Once you're happy, that happy vibe will attract others and maybe you won't be forever alone. Again, I've NEVER had a significant other, yet I've had MANY happy times in my life enjoying things I like to do with my time, going to beaches, kiteboarding, working, learning, spending time with friends and family etc. I make my own happiness. Happiness is not something someone else can bestow upon you.

Women usually want to be left alone in public.

Those gamer girls---an excellent option for Sly.

Not necessarily so. They don't want to be catcalled or harassed, that's for sure. But there is no general rule of thumb, especially in North American society, that women are to be left along in public and engaging in conversation is taboo. Get real.

Just because someone's social skills are extremely limited and their attempts at engaging a woman in public may be received by the woman as awkward, creepy, or uninvited.. does NOT mean that women usually want to be left along in public. They don't want to be bugged or harassed, sure, that's pretty understandable.. but to say they usually want to be left alone is BS. Pretty well all people are open to genuine social interactions in public from a simple hello to a conversation or even the beginning of a new friendship. They're just not interested in pick up artists being sleazy as if the only reason they've left their house is an open invitation for some horny guy to F*ck them.