Help, NT wife messed up

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Thank you for the resource.

Thank you to everyone who had left suggestions, resources, tried and true tactics, methods, or comments. Alongside counseling I’ve implemented some of the suggestions the last few days and last night my husband and I had the first nice connection in weeks. While I still don’t know what he wants in terms of us, I’m giving him space, as many of you suggested, and working on my own codependency in the mean time. Thank you again for help during a difficult time.

If anyone is in an NT/AS relationship and would be comfortable sharing additional methods or tactics that work well in your relationship I would be so grateful to hear them. Please DM me.

^
Good luck to you both, I'm glad to hear things are looking a bit better

That's great news, I'm really pleased to hear it. One thing you might want to do more of on here, as people with AS are more often detail oriented, it might be a good idea to provide more details on your interactions with each other. As for me, I find it a little difficult not to interpret the information as vague.

While not directly related to this thread and I do sincerely hope your marriage recovers via mutual efforts, because it is a partnership regardless of who's at fault for any problems.

Reading this specific thread inspired me to join Wrong Planet in an effort to learn how to better interact with the world in general.

As well as with my own Wife and Children to prevent such a tragedy from occurring in our household.

Believe me, we've had our ups and downs, but 13 years in we are stronger than ever

Maintain your sprit, focus, and drive to succeed, then hopeful your marriage will

Last edited by TheStigOnline on 19 Jul 2019, 6:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's wonderful, I'm so happy to hear that. I am hoping there is only up from you for both of you. <3

Thank you.

Hi smudge,

So far I’ve given sincere apologizes (both verbally and through email) and I’ve given him space, I haven’t brought up any of our issues, or asked anything of him. I’ve sent a few emails of gratitude for things he’s done in the past and he seems to appreciate the acknowledgement of his efforts.

I also attended a CoDA meeting to get myself on track and bought CoDA books.

Yesterday I talked to someone who lifted my mood from weeks long depression and I was in a good mood when he got home and I think it got his attention which was why we were able to connect yesterday.

Today has been incrementally better. We’re joking around. He said he’s looking forward to a future outing with me.

I’m still giving him a lot of room. I don’t want to push him even though I’d love to get back on track. I’m taking from the advice people gave that’s applicable to my relationship. My husband doesn’t like it when I’m obsequious or submissive, which is good because I’m not, so those suggestions weren’t really applicable but I agree with many other aspect regarding written communication, give space, make things light, reduce nagging and when things get better I hope to use the method of having one time a week where we air grievances and let that be the only time we “talk”. I think that would be beneficial for both of us.

Really great advice from so many people. I plan to do some in phases as I work on myself.

Hope that helps in terms of “more detail”.

I know what you mean. I’ve been reading all these inspirational quotes and Instagram therapy posts and it all is sound logic and reasoning but not as easy to implement because it take two people to get on a similar wavelength to make it happen well. Arg. It’s okay, he’s worth it.

Thank you.