Is it a myth or not that women dislike us?

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I agree with Magz.

It's the individual that counts----not some "numbers" or "collectives" such as "men" and "women."

I am a man----but I am not "men." I am Kraftie.

Sometimes----sometimes not.

It is a paradox. Just as you can attract girls with diverse subjects, you can get them to drift apart due to impaired social skills.

Yep. Both can definitely happen. This has happened with me.

Anyway - there are traits seen as attractive and unattractive in friendship by the majority of a given culture.
Do you try to fit to the image of an attractive friend or do you look for friends who like you for who you are?

I mostly seek friends who "like me for who I am."

But, more recently, I have tried to do things like dress better and make myself look better in general. I do this for myself, as well as for the purpose of impressing people. I feel depressed when my clothes are dirty and my hair is messy.

I just feel better when I feel clean, and when I look good in clothes.

I think that Boo and Fnordy have a pretty accurate general perspective on Aspie men and their ability to be liked and loved by women, though each aspie is different as far as social skills, masking abilities and most importantly, being able to communicate their feelings and needs and enabling the woman the necessary validation and attachment that she needs in order to feel nurtured and an important factor in his life. Women need to be listened to. All men and women have a hard time sustaining relationships, but on the surface aspie men seem acutely cerebral, logical, practical, and (those I know) need more solitude than NT men who also require more than most NT women are willing to allow.
Now, I am very competent in my social skills and easily integrated into most social sectors, but given the choice there are very few people, men or women who I wish to include in my intimate circle of close friends.

Aspie men are not superficial, or fickle followers of the herd, they don't tolerate fools easily and they value loyalty, integrity, transparency and individualism. So not many women (or men) actually meet these high quality requirements in order to be invited into their hearts.

Rafael mentioned I believe, that internet dating doesn't cut the mustard and I agree, though this is how I met my aspie lover who immediately stood out as being different but in a less superficial way, and in an unusually solid and honest manner.

There is a great advantage in work related connections, because of prolonged interaction and diversity of situations presented, that assist in breaking through the quirky perhaps annoying and brittle initial perceived personna of the aspie and digging deeper.


I agree with Rafael (his therapist?) who said that women are not attracted to weak, needy men, and most aspie men reach this realisation at some stage, and try and present a tougher facade, and reach an optimal physical fitness. But strength can manifest in many ways such as a strong sense of integrity and loyalty, not necessarily in some aggressive macho bravado.

There is a crucial turning point between casual acquaintance and deeper intimacy with aspie men when a woman is gradually exposed to his deep integrity, humour, loyalty and depth of feeling when her feelings may transform from irritation and annoyance with his seemingly detached arrogance, into endearment, respect and affection. It takes a deeper more complex individual, but would you want less?

The aspie man often fails (in my experience) to fully be present and comprehend his role in emotional crises, does not communicate his affection and is often oblivious to emotional cause and effect, does not provide the support a woman needs at the appropriate times. My friend does not like public displays of affection, has poor soft skills and often misenterprets worry for anger, does not read facial expressions etc so we have learned to be more verbal and explicit. Improved communication can be learned, with or without professional guidance, if the goal is important enough for you to concede that there is room for improvement, and there is for most of us whether NT or ND.

One of the ladies pointed out that often nurturing women are attracted to aspies, I agree with this observation, I am such a woman myself. That's fine if it works.

Basically it is productive as an aspie man to focus on your assets not your deficiencies, you don't need to inspire all womankind, you just need one who can recognise the diamond that you are within the raw lump of coal.