What NT Women Want

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I mean if you want to date a 'normal' and you are not one, yes it is possible you may need to re-invent yourself as a normie as well. That said there is more than NT women and also not all of them are normies. I do kind of get the impression its a lot of normies on dating sites so can perhaps be harder to sift through and find the outliers.

Does kind of seem like it used to be the normies would kinda make fun of people using dating sites, and the stereotype was just weirdos and people who fail socially use it, but now its like a popularity contest for normies.

I personally don't believe a relationship is worth it if you have to totally change who you are. I have seen guys in that kind of relationship and they don't seem very happy. For instance my Grandma and her husband, she's even like bragged about how she 'changed' him. I honestly think he might be a happier and healthier guy if he had never made the changes she wanted and hadn't got with her.

I sure had communication issues like this trying to get into romantic relationships.
I think there's two kinds of NT women who would really try & go the extra mile with an Aspie. One is someone who's very kind & sweet & the other is someone who is very desperate to have/maintain/keep a relationship with an Aspie for whatever reason. The 1st type is very rare & hard to find & get cuz they have LOTS of options whereas the 2nd type is a lot more common but they tend to have various issues. My 1st girlfriend was NT but had lots of issues & my current girlfriend is on the spectrum but also has lots of issues. I think the issues type is much more realistic for me since I have way more than my fair share of issues & that type is more common. The problem for me has always been getting to the point where someone sweet will really get to know me well or to the point where someone with issues would feel like she needs to have a relationship with. If I had abit of money & resources I would of solved the issue with the ladder type by going the mail-order bride route & if I had my own place I would of solved the issue with that type by taking in a woman who needed a place to stay. I believe love forms over time & things like initial attraction, connection, & spark can wane & fade & do not make a relationship last.

I read all the comments and appreciate the feedback.

My post was about how to attract of the majority of NT women from the thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors of what I have seen and heard from myself, friends, and strangers. I know that there is a minority that are different, but I’m talking about the majority.

Yes, I know that AS women are out there, but this was specifically about NT women.

About the stable job, as long as you are trying to find a job, that is acceptable to some women, but the majority would like you to have a job.

I think about finding a girlfriend that is NT, as I said before looking for similar interests (possibly nerdy interests or out of the norm).

Also, I think that dating NT women who are the breadwinners of the relationship, who are smart, or/and who are feminist would be more likely to being open to dating an AS man, to appreciate them for who they are and not feel emasculated by them.

You could also try to find a truly kind and understanding woman, but they are rare, or one that is desperate to be in a relationship with anyone as another poster said.

About the “neckbeards”, yes there are some women that like them, but most do not, and I am talking about the majority of women.

If an NT tells you “let’s hangout sometime” they probably don’t actually want to. If they say “What are your plans for ____ (the weekend, this week, etc.) they want to know if you when you are available to hangout.

Most NT women are not open to accommodating AS needs in dating, but some are. I can post a list of what NT people say and what they really mean if people want it.

Who are you though?

What makes you think you can just barge in and offer patronising advice to a group of people who have been using this forum for a long time.

Do you really think all autistic men are neckbeards who don't wash?

I’m an NT woman. This is not meant to be patronizing & no, I don’t think that all autistic men have neckbeards that don’t wash.

Aha! Now we’re talking!
This section is in essence a very broad-brush description of my wife. (Not sure if she’d use the word feminist, but she’s not not one)

I’d say that caring & understanding are things that are necessary though, if they’re not prepared to accommodate you to a workable minimum... don’t touch it with a 20ft pole, it’s bad for you.

Also: the patience to explain why they react to things in the way they do, and listen to you explain the same in the other direction.

These are important things to consider: you’re potentially looking for someone to share the bulk, maybe the rest, of your life with. It’s a much bigger consideration than “how do I get a girlfriend” sounds...
you need to have standards of your own, to avoid making mistakes that’ll blight years of your life, and the life of your mis-chosen partner.

I can’t give any advice on how to find a woman with this combination of character traits I’m afraid... I stumbled into something amazing by sheer blind fluke at a family dinner party.

I respect that. I too believe that you shouldn't expect something from someone else that you aren't willing to do yourself.

Mona Pereth you would be surprised as to the many men that would date a woman even though she has no job. As far as men go from what I read and talking with other men, besides looks and a decent personality most don't have much of a requirement outside of just that. I don't know, maybe men should start raising their standards and start giving women the same requirements.

I think this has to do with different social roles with the sexes. Women used to be housewives while their husbands worked. Women still haven't achieved full equality sense those times. Men tend to be paid more in the workforce than women do. Some argue that women are paid less for the same amount of work & others argue that the type of jobs women tend to have are different than the jobs men tend to have. Also women are the 1s who get pregnant & are expected to breast-feed which means they have to leave the workforce for a while aka take maternity leave. Because of these things it makes more sense to me that women would be pickier abut the men having a job than men caring about women having jobs.

I was just replying to the OP and her ridiculous and condescending request "for AS men to be dateable" which is basally to change who we are and become a person with Great Social Skills which is unrealistic expectation. Personally if you ask me after many past attempts and fails,even with employment,I accepted for while now that I likely wouldn't compatible with NT women anyway,but at the same time it's really difficult to find AS women(atleast near my area).

Yes, please post that list. The "let's hangout sometime" kind of has me in shock, and I would like to know of these so I can navigate conversation better.

Here's another one:

when NTs say "that's interesting" they usually mean ("I couldn't care less about that."). The AS person, taking them at their word, feels encouraged to continue the conversation topic..

I think we all know who gets blamed for the failure of NTs to accurately report their real response, which could be done in polite ways eg "that doesn't really interest me". But many NTs seem to lack this capacity for respectful disagreement.

Um, we knew this.

Is there anything NT women want us to know in general? Can we all make an effort to get along better in some particular ways?

Not as along as the effort is expected only from AS people, and that is the status quo at this time. Today all over the world there will be AS people who are experiencing being shunned and shamed for "acting like" AS people by the dominant majority. Until that dominant majority change, and become educated about AS in real ways, and willing to meet AS people halfway, it will continue.

With the "Let's hang out sometime.", or the "That's interesting." meaning the opposite, this speaks in a broader sense toward NTs in general who unlike most literal autistics, often don't say what they mean or mean what they say. I assume and even expect that people will be honest with me. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I'm wise enough to know that people often lie about such things, however.

I'm married. However, if I was a single man and a woman I was talking with said: "Let's hang out sometime.", you better believe I'd assume she was being honest and I'd assume that she really does want to hang out with me. I think it's a bit sad if this is how things really are now.

I wouldn't say "Let's hang out sometime", unless I meant it.

Then again, I'm not neurotypical.

If someone said it to me I would take it literally, and start thinking of ways to avoid hanging out.

I've had communication issues like that when trying to start a romantic relationship. It's like how in some cultural groups the word Bad means Good. When people say the opposite of what they mean some of the time but only some of the time instead of all the time, it becomes impossible to know what the hell they really mean. At least if they said the opposite of what they meant all the time, we could learn it's all the time & then just always know they mean the opposite. But when it's only some of the time, it becomes a guessing game & we might as well flip a coin to try & figure it out.
I think this is what the experts means when they say autistics don't lie. We don't say the opposite of what we intend to say unless we're trying to emulate NT conversation.