Price of a date in USA.

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I'm not American and never did what we call here "(Anglo)American dating" - dinner and a movie etc with basically a stranger - so I'm aware of the etiquette only through hearsay. Personally I wouldn't even consider dating someone I don't already know a bit, but with a complete stranger, I would definitely go for the "coffee date" thing mentioned, for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with money.

I would never consider spending a lot of money on a first date, for completely non-financial reasons: I often invite friends and sometimes colleagues to expensive restaurants or gift them little (and sometimes not so little) luxuries I know they can't afford, but I would never do this with a woman I barely know unless, maybe, my intentions were strictly sexual. First, the kind of women I always liked as prospective long term partners were independent and driven, highly educated and intelligent and wise enough to know that money brings comfort and can cushion but not protect you from a variety of vicissitudes caused either by human nature itself or often enough by an unsuitable partner. These are not women easy to impress in general and more often than not will see an ostentatious display of wealth as tacky or suspect. It's also true that the women I'm attracted to are very cerebral and usually dislike the cheesy Disney/Holywood type of "romantic gestures" and culture and personality will play a big part in this (As a side note, we were in agreement of teaching both kids to never accept anything "free" from anybody except very close family members)

And - just in my experience - men who go the money route when they look for a wife (not a hook-up) have very high expectations from her too - often the kind of demands that will be particularly difficult for women on the spectrum.

The way I always figured it, if a woman was willing to spend time with me over coffee and croissants, then she was worth a second date -- maybe she could actually be interested in me and not in how much money I would spend.  Of course, if I was the one who asked her out, then I picked up the tab; and if she was the one who asked, I would offer to pick up the tab for her -- it's just the gentlemanly thing to do.  If she insisted on buying, then I cheerfully accepted and said, "Next time, on me ... steakhouse?"  I almost always got a second date.

Agreed with you both ^ ^

Beyond feeling like an escort, I wouldn't want the pressure of an expensive date. I'd feel obligated to get my hair done, or buy a new outfit and handbag, etc. That's a waste of money for me but as an autistic woman the last thing I want to do is go shopping for clothes, or make small-talk with a hairstylist. I know that the man wouldn't explicitly expect me to do this preparation, but it would feel unequal to me if they were taking me somewhere fancy in my regular dress, or if they were trying to create a sophisticated appeal and I wasn't at my best.

I would be very uncomfortable fussing up for a man I barely knew, because that's just gross. I would also feel uncomfortable if I didn't fuss up: it's not fair if he puts in all the effort, and I do nothing but roll my eyes.

On top of this I don't value materialism, fancy places would cause me social anxiety, and I'd be masking the entire time just to survive the stress and get home to my pyjamas. That's not the way to meet a person or to learn if you're compatible. It's far too much window dressing. Besides, what would you do for Date 2? Downgrade, or do something even more costly?

In my opinion people who want to spend a lot are hiding the fact they don't have much to offer in terms of conversation, personality, or character. I hope the men of WP who worry about first dates will rest assured it's not about money. The key is to find / meet someone you have a connection with -- so you won't need a costly venue to impress them.

I was a real man even when I was 18, had no job and car, and lived with my mother.

You're a real man Sly.