Is looking for autistic women a realistic option?

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Awe I see. Well I hope that all guys who want women can them too of course .

Oh yeah, and I usually crash and burn more times than I am successful for sure. Probably crash and burn like 80 percent of the time.

thank you for that, you're the first person to deign to tell me these things which normal people take for common-sense granted but since i don't have common sense, it was not obvious to me. but there is a very large art aspect to it, steering between BS p/u lines and honest interest in a charming way. i guess my uncanny valley effect gets in the way among other addlements. i'm getting a bigger clearer picture of why my social life sputtered and failed.

how can you tolerate that failure rate without being totally discouraged? that is amazing that you have such determination, clear-headedness and courage.

it is indispensable that both you and your object of desire be on the same frequency. if one is an outlier that is an insuperable barrier.

Many women find me witty and charming and laugh at my jokes. But still they all insist they only like me as a friend.

Last year a coworker was flirting with me, but she wasn't serious and backed away when she realized I was. That was the last time I met a woman who didn't have a boyfriend or husband.

It is rare for me to meet single women, and that's before taking attraction from either side into consideration. And it keeps getting worse the older I get. At this point I'm lucky to meet 1 single woman in an entire year.

Oh I see. Is this even more reason to for younger women like how you talked about because there are more single younger ones?

TBH, I don't know a lot of single 18 or 20 year olds either.

Thing is, most women are not very interesting. Most like things like sports and clubbing and alcohol and other things that just don't interest me. I need someone intellectual and nerdy that I can enjoy spending time around. And those seem to be the hardest to find single. And even when I have met someone like that's single they all wanted to only be friends.

I also can't handle smokers or women that take religion seriously. And I live in Oklahoma.

Oh I see. I can see how those things might be a problem. Most women don't smoke nowadays though compared to before, do they?

A lot of women still do. Some years ago a mutual friend set me up on a date and she turned out to be a smoker. Next time someone tries to set me up I'll tell them up front I won't date smokers. That way I avoid wasting everyone's time.

It's good to see that you are concerned with other commonalities besides just age.


Thus, any relationship you manage to get into is likely to start out as a long-distance relationship.

Seems to me your best bet is to find some nerdy female-dominated national or regional subculture that you can be a part of, that would have frequent online meetings and in which at least some of the women are nonreligious and have an aversion to alcohol and smoking.

As I've said elsewhere, you're in an excellent positon to help build one such possible subculture.

Even in such a subculture, of course, most of the women probably would still want to be just friends with you. But hopefully there would be enough women that you could have a reasonable chance of finding someone romantically compatible.

Problem with long distance is that I can't even tell if I like someone until we meet in person. Some years ago, I was chatting with a lady online for a few months before we agreed to meet. But when we met there just wasn't any chemistry or attraction. We went on a second date to give it a chance but there was still just a whole lot of nothing. I don't want to invest a large amount of time in a long distance relationship and have to spend a ton of money to meet only to be disappointed.

dorkseid.
there's a consistent negative, woe-is-me vibe coming across in your posts - I get why that is the case - but I want to point out to you that if that carries across in the way you communicate with women online and offline then that will show up really quickly and put them off. I often hear people say they don't want to be around negative people. it's just the way the world works. I see this as a truth. There are a few ways you can react to being made aware of this insight. You can add this to the woe-is-me tally and do nothing other than complain about it. Or you can understand it and try and learn and build from it. I have generally tried to do this second approach with my coping strategies and masking behaviour through my life. It's sub-optimal of course, but you have to work with the hand you are dealt.
another truth that i have been made aware of is that even an extremely attractive, rich, successful, stable, bla bal man will not have a 100% success rate when approaching women. It will be a lot lower than you expect. the law of large numbers is 'your friend' in dating matters according to many so-called 'dating successful' men I've spoken to. It's also a learning by doing thing. These things are typically v hard for autistic people to do, and I include myself there (and i chose not to put myself through this because I had shutdowns and panic attacks - see later). but again, it is better to be aware and learn about the dynamics than to rage and complain about a lack of success. if you attempt something and consistently or v regularly fail then it is madness to expect that to change unless you change something yourself. there are lots of things that can change, it is about pushing aside the woe-is-me attitude as best as you can and trying to dispassionately learn and analyse the situation. as an example you were moaning above about saying you had only met one single female in the last year. so, do something about that. meet more women. not only will you learn more - which will increase your probability of success - but by meeting more people even with a fixed low probability of success you improve your likelihood of a successful outcome. best way of maximising exposure to women that are single is online dating. they will be single, and there will be a lot of them. practice. learn. don't moan, don't get angry. treat it as an educational experience, try and treat it as a special interest.
there's loads more stuff to say but you won't achieve anything different if you don't do something different. you will need to change your strategy, behaviours, and other aspects.

Agreed and I'd also like to add that that has been a common theme among many others with similar struggles here.

People might still like that person but it's unlikely someone will find romantic interest in someone they pity.

When you mean "chat" do you mean text or send emails or messages or do you mean have phone calls?

Between marriages I met probably twenty women from online dating. Everyone of them, with a single exception, I spoke to before I met her. You learn about much more about a person from actually having conversations with them. I spoke to women with very attractive profiles who totally turned me off when I conversed with them. Having reached the point where I was comfortable speaking with her and interested, then we would go out (almost always for dinner on me). Then que sera sera.

By the way, the single exception who I met without talking on the phone to her? She's my wife now.