Maybe I should go ahead and date non-whites

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I also feel good about being single reading this. There's no use having a partner who is going to emotionally abuse me because my educational background isn't good enough and I'm on disability.

Nope, I wouldn't. I am live and let live type of person. The only people I want to hurt are the ones that did something "to" me. Like if said "non-white partner" is a foreigner looking for a visa and/or asking for money, then I would be angry, yes (although I still am not sure what I would actually do to them, other than ending the contact of course). But if they are simply non-white, there is no reason to be angry at them.

My only concern would be discomfort to be seen around them. But it won't be their fault, would it. So I won't be hurting them. I would just act really awkward and whatever. Kind of the way a kid would act with their hands caught in a cookie jar.

the situations with anne and anita are weird , like you were prevented from saying the right things which would have
prevented breakups with them

A "one-sided" conversation means you're not listening to the other person or persons in the conversation.

I wouldn't like it if somebody "misrepresented" me while they were angry at me. I don't respect it when a person clings to inaccuracies, and doesn't listen to "your side." I've had this happen to me numberless times.

If anger is based upon something that is not true, I don't respect the anger, because it is unjustified. I would expect the other person to at least LISTEN to me, and to be able to tell MY SIDE OF THE STORY. I would give the other person the same respect.

I don't get why the Chinese person would even think that you're calling her the "N-word." That doesn't make sense.

But it's still not nice to call the other person the "N-word." You have to stop that. People of African derivation are not "N-words." They are people like you and I.

Usually it's a - but it doesn't cool down with time because memories are also inaccurate.

I would never consider being with someone who would be concerned about being seen with me, for any reason. That would mean that person does not value me. It's just... offensive.

Maybe the OP should lower his standards.

I would be PROUD to be seen in the street holding hands with a beautiful black woman.

Oh but he is lowering his standards (in his opinion) by considering a non white woman.

As a non white woman, I would never consider someone like you. That would be lowering my standards to zero, and having no self respect.

If you do wind up dating a non white woman, I hope she very quickly realises your issues with her race.

I struggle to understand why a person a socially adept as the op himself doesn't have all manner of women falling at his feet and just begging him to date them.

And why are you acting as if me not being socially adapt makes me deserve this? I thought its the opposite: if I am not socially adapt then I should be given some leeway.

Well, the way I feel like is that I do listen to other people, its the other people who don't listen to me.

As far as misunderstanding goes, it happens both ways: we both misunderstand each other. But we treat it in a different way. I want both sides to explain themselves to the other side:

--- I want to explain myself to them, so that they hear my side of the story and stop misrepresenting me

--- I want them to explain themsleves to me, so that I get to know how exactly they arrived at that misunderstanding and thus feel less angry.

On the other hand, they are the ones who refuse to do both of those things:

--- They refuse to listen to my explanation because they assume they understand me better than I understand myself (how is it even possible?) Or they don't think I am someone worth listening to

--- They don't want to explain themselves to me because they feel like I won't hear them anyway. Yes I do hear them: look at how I obsess over their every word?

So when I misunderstand them, I want that misunderstanding to be corrected, thats why I keep asking them to explain themselves (along with trying to explain myself, of course). The only reason I stay with my misunderstnading is that they don't bother correcting it.

But when they misunderstand me, they don't want to be corrected. They want to stay with their misunderstanding.

So we both end up staying with our misunderstanding but for very different reasons: I am the one who wants to communicate!



Exactly. This is the exact thing I am frustrated about, and I use WP as an outlet for this.

Its interesting that you can relate to my exact frustration yet in the past you were telling me I overanalyze too much. Overanalyzing is a substitute for that communication that I wish could happen, but didn't.



Those are two separate people. The incident with N-word involved Dana, Hannah and Jonathan (Jonathan was African, while Dana and Hannah were of European ancestry). The Chinese woman was totally separate from them and she had nothing to do with that incident.

Chinese woman accused me of asking her about her going to the bathroom, while Dana accused me of trying to follow her to the library (NOT the bathroom). Chinese woman was my fellow graduate student in math department. Dana was in a different department and she was in a group therapy with me.

Hannah was in neither of these two places. Instead, Hannah participated in Baptist Student Union. And Jonathan was in none of those places either: he was my roommate.

So Dana, Hannah, and Jonathan didn't know each other. Thats why the fact that they mixed themselves up with Jonathan is so ridiculous.

Chinese woman didn't know any of them either. But she didn't mix herself up with them. With her I had a totally separate incident that involved the bathroom.

But the bathroom incident with Chinese woman was even more ridiculous. Since I didn't intend to ask her if she was going to the bathroom. I intended to ask her if she went to report me. Yet she misinterpretted it because she "happened" to have gone to the bathroom. Well, how was I supposed to know it?

Well, I know you are married to one. So how is it "would be"?

ummm you are going to make a girl run if she suspects that you were hoping she will have to teach you social skills.
Please make an effort yourself.

It might not be a misunderstanding, sometimes it might be a difference of opinions and regardless of what person A and B says to each other their views don't line up.

Also they have coaches who teach social skills to people on the spectrum. Might be worth seeking one out if you're having so much difficulty with it and they can educated you not leaving it all on a partner as it will drain anyone.

But if we are talking about what is in "my" head, then its not really an opinion, its a fact. I would be the one who knows what is in my head, just like the other person would be the one who knows what is in their head.

The only way for this to be the matter of opinion is if I have multiple personalities so I am not sure what is in my head. Then I will be guessing along with others.

But the thing is that I know what is in my head. Yet people are telling me otherwise. Which is one of the things I am frustrated about.

For example, is it really the matter of opinion whether I was enraged at Dana or at Hannah, and whether I was planning to follow Dana to the library? Is it really the matter of "opinion" whether I asked that Chinese girl about the bathroom or not? And is it really the matter of "opinion" whether at the Jewish club I meant to talk about sex or not? Those things sound like facts to me.