Approaching someone in public

Post Reply New Topic

there is a risk that any thread on L&D started by a man is going to be subject to over-policing but sure! this is an autism forum and we all have to be extra careful about triggering anyone so I'm cool with that.

No, there’s no overpolicing going on. The rules are consistently applied.

I'm pretty sure if there was a long history of Stacy Thundercunt gets all the boys, why don't boys like nice girls and why do boys have it so much easier threads we'd see similar levels of policing.

People tend to be more aware of regular problems than of rare or hypothetical problems.

Ok so the message here is "don't approach females you don't know for romantic purposes"

I'm not sure if you mean for this to be a bad thing. I think it's a pretty reasonable point of view. Women don't want to be harassed by random strangers in unexpected circumstances. Save the approaching of women for situations in which it is expected or appropriate, and don't go in for the romantic goal right off the bat. Be nice and friendly first, and then continue only if it's reciprocated.

Yeah I personally have always been this way, and I can't imagine other men could not do this. If you strike up a conversation then do it for engaging/being friendly. Not because you have ulterior motives.

When I visited San Diego Seaworld, the host says "be like the dolphin, they seek friendship without anything in return"

Also, if the woman seems offended, dismissive, or scared please don't judge her and all other women as irrational man-haters, and don't blame yourself as being "not good enough" or a failure.

As they say we don't know what people are going through, or what they've experienced in the past. We all have a right to be fearful of situations which might have hurt us in the past so that goes for abused women as well as lonely men.

On the flipside it's really a small minority of men who "hate" women. I think a lot of the men and women who struggle approaching somebody in public just accept the status quo.

Define public.

If it's in the street, with a complete stranger, don't.

If it's in a venue where both of you frequent, maybe.

Can't no man mansplains another, or two men mansplain each other? Or a woman pretending to know a topic more than you while she obviously doesn't?

What about someone like Kamala Harris, who claims she knows about a topic that she obviously has zero understanding about. https://www.instagram.com/reel/C-OSVP0O ... k5bzkwbw==

I don't understand why this dynamic shown in the diagram (one acting to know-it-all in a conversation) is gender specific.

My girlfriend has been asked out a couple times in public by complete strangers while walking down the sidewalk. Both times were after we were a couple so she turned them down. Cass was flattered by one of the guys because she's kind of empathic & the guy seemed sweet. Cass told me she probably would have accepted that date offer if she was single. The other guy was a creepy perv & after she told him that she had a boyfriend the guy actually said he doesn't have to know Those were the only times she was asked out in person so perhaps that was a factor for why she would have accepted one of them if she was single. As for Cass's looks, she's probably not what most guys would consider hot. She's a bit overweight & very slightly shorter than me but I find her very cute

The fact that you don't understand that, might be part of the issue.

If it were only a small minority, the world would have looked differently.

It's personally weird approaching random strangers in public with the intentions of romance or whatever.

That being said, the mansplaining diagram is over the top. The only way not to mansplain according to the diagram is to only speak when directly told to by a female. It seems pretentious by bringing in class/education and completely disregards the fact that others might have their own differing opinions.

And as boo says, it can be extrapolated outside gender too.

Anyone can engage in condescending, mansplaining type of behavior (jerksplaining). However, it very often happens to women due to deeply entrenched sexist beliefs - beliefs related to thinking women are less intelligent, less rational, etc. simply for being a woman. On WP, it usually occurs in conjunction with (and by folks who regularly engage in) other sexist behaviors like making sweeping generalizations (e.g. claiming that women have it easier).

I agree. ^

It's also important to note that mansplaining is about explaining information to women in a patronizing way when the woman hasn't asked for an explanation and especially if she doesn't need one because she's more of an expert on the topic for whatever reason (e.g., women's experiences, or subjects the woman might be very knowledgeable about).

It's not usually about discussing topics or sharing opinions in a normal and reciprocal way.

There's an underlying assumption by the man of "I know more about this than you do, on account of the fact you're just a woman." Whether they think that way or not, it's what their tone and their attitude conveys.


Example: Man approaches me when I'm in a boat. He explains to me how to operate a boat, the regulations and requirements of watercraft licensing, or offers to drive the boat for me -- all without asking if I want/need that information, and with an assumption that I'm female so I can't possibly know more than he does about vehicles.