First date tips for this Aspie (this Fri.)

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So glad to hear you've been doing some research! I apologise if I'm speaking out of turn, maybe I'm just being overly cynical (an NT thing perhaps?)

My son has AS Central and I know how loyal you aspies are! I also know how incredibly trusting you can be which is where my concern lies I suppose. I hope that doesn't sound patronising - it isn't meant to.

I wish you well in this relationship, keep us informed!

oequals, there are some evil people out there. So I believe this happens everyday for attention.

Well guys, it is over! We continued to call and talk to each other up until last week. She tells me Thursday morning that an old ex boyfriend knocked on her door the night before. He was her boyfriend during her entire second pregnancy until he left for boot camp in the Army. He didn't even tell her that he was leaving. Then he comes knocking on her door over a year later and said that he couldn't tell anyone he was leaving, blah, blah. She said they spoke for 2 hours. I said that it worried me a little because she said in the past that she cared so much for him. She said not to worry (yea right). That night she calls me and says how much she cares for me and if we can go out the next Tuesday. She said she would promise that she would not break the date. I said ok.
Friday night I had a dream that she fell in the arms of this man and they were back together. I have a sixth sense about these things. I call her Saturday night and she said she would call me back (but didn't). This is her way of putting people off I've discovered. I call her an hour later and she is in bed. She said she was sorry but was sleepy. I told her about my dream and that I was worried that their old relationship would rekindle. She said, "oh there was nothing to worry about". She said that she was going out with him Sunday with her girls to Disney (yea I know) and that they he was going to stay over the night Sunday because they would get in late (yea, I really really know). I call her Sunday night and she said she would call me back. Ho hum. I didn't attempt to call her back that night.
Then Monday rolls around and I have not heard from her even though we were suppose to go out the next day. So I call her Monday night and she said she would call me back (yea right). I call her back an hour later and said is there anything wrong. She said she was in the hospital all day because of her kidney due to the bone marrow cancer. I said are we still on for Tuesday, and she said of course. So we are talking for about 30 minutes and she goes silent all of a sudden and said I'm sick I have to go, I'll call you tomorrow morning.
Well this morning rolls around and she hasn't called me yet, but I remember she said we would meet at 10am at a theater on the lake. I called her house and her Mom, who goes over there a lot, said she was not in. So I get in my car with pictures to show her, a teddy bear I bought her weeks ago, a key chain she asked me to get her from the Dominican where I went last week, a restaurant reservation, and an open heart. Around 10 I park, get out of my car, and look around. Yes I had my doubts, but I was very hopeful. I look everywhere, behind the building, the cars nearby, etc., like a fool that I am. Nothing. 10:30 rolls around. Well I thought maybe she forgot the time and would come at 11:00. I call back to her house and ask her Mom, who I don't know, if she was admitted to the hospital and that I was due to have lunch with her. Her mom stated that she this morning said she was going out but didn't tell her where. I called her cell phone, that she says she shares with her Dad. Her dad answers and I explain to him that I was due to have lunch with her and sort of who I was. He said that he didn't know if she was at work or what. He asked me if I knew she was sick and I said yes. He said that this is her dad. I thanked him and told him bye. By 11:00 I was sitting on the grass with my teddy bear doctor in my hands wanting to cry
I was still giving her the benefit of the doubt. I wondered if she got sick that morning and was in the hospital. She was due to have chemo today. I can see why she wouldn't tell her mother that she was going to the hospital because that is just the way she is. But.........I am a fool and loyal to the end, most of us Aspies are. We have loyalty like a beaten dog. We are always the third wheel. So I think I have an idea what kind of person she is now. I cared and still care about her so much. I can't understand why she would do this to me. Even if she wants to get back with her ex, there is no reason she couldn't be up front and honest with. Hell, even write me an email, so I don't waste my day. I could have been working. She knows this. This just hurts so much because of the way my soon to be ex wife treated me 2 years ago. This seems to be my place in life. This is the scar that I am meant to be carrying around my whole life. I use to always have hope for my life. This is what kept me moving and hopeful, but now I'm 33. My days behind me are starting to outnumber the days ahead. I am sort of relieved that this (could) is over. SHE, was my obsession temporarily. I couldn't think about anything else. It's like Chinese water torture. Every minute that goes by, she (the Aspie obsession) is on my mind. Now there is a conclusion. There is an end. Exhale!! !! Tony Atwood stated that us Aspies have a great desire for closure. I guess I have closure now. What a loser I am. Life seems so hopeless. What a fool I am. I wish I were normal.

You are not a fool. You'll meet someone some day that's worthy of you. She was NOT.

I'm so sorry

I was really hoping things would work out for you. You're neither a loser or a fool and you are normal!

Don't beat yourself up about it - she's the fool for losing out on a good man. It's going to be hard but you will move on from this and find someone worthy of your affections.

Take care

Central, i was reading through this thread and wanted to post that this girl is probably full of b/s, and then i saw your last post.
I am so sorry, it sucks, but you have to be careful on the internet, if she did not want to see you, she is probalby marrier/in a relationship and wanted to get some attention. Dont believe everything people say--many people lie, especially online

this might sound weird but i'm actually relieved for you that it didn't end worse. That it turned out to be someone feeling lonely/blue/rebound-ish and needing comfort, who then rediscovers an old flame. It wasn't some one she just met, nor was she ( apparently) winding you up. In a way that's not too bad; i was imagining the worst.
I used to play "I will survive", and "I'm still standing", and "Total Eclipse of the heart", and that Tanita Tikaram song, A Twist in my Sobriety, amongst others. (Don't know what i'd play now; it's a while since went through that experience). Stompy or desperate depending on what phase of recovery i was in. Do you play music when love is dead?
Good luck. By the way i don't get the impression that you're stupid, just hopeful and dreamy.

Thanks for all the comments guys. Well, she wasn't lying about being sick. This was confirmed by her father. I was thinking today that I am a little relieved that it ended. I feel her sickness is pretty bad. It would destroy me to continue to fall in love with her, only to lose her to cancer.........and then to grow attached to her daughters and see them lose their mother. It probably would be too much for me to take honestly. I also get the impression that she is an extreme perfectionist, even more than my ex wife. I am untidy and not detailed oriented. Come to think about it sometimes I get stimuli overloaded with my 15 month old daughter. I can't imagine being around another 2 young girls. But, I do care for this woman still, but I'm not going to have anymore contact with her.
She made me feel special for over two months. I should just accept this and think about the good that this made me feel.

Uggghhhhh! So she calls me tonight and leaves a message on my voice mail saying that she was sick all day, sorry, and "you must be busy, I'm going to bed". So I call her back and like a dork said "I knew you were sick and was worried about you". Yea, attach a big Walk All Over me Sign" on my back. We talk for about 30 minutes. I asked if her ex boyfriend was interested in her and she said "I don't know, but I think she has a girlfriend" because he was talking to a woman over the phone while they were at the park. The question is, "is she interested in him", but do I care? Yes and no. Then she says that her ex wants to take her out somewhere tomorrow with some old friends they use to hang out with, but won't tell her where it is. She says she doesn't want to go and told him that she is sick and not take her anywhere far away from a hospital. Whatever, right? I know you guys are chomping at the bit to tell me, "well why the hell doesn't she ask to go out with you tomorrow and how come she can find the time to see him and not me", and you are right. I didn't tell her this, but should have I guess. I'm emotionally through. I'll be there for her as a friend but she is going to have to do the real ground work now to attract me and go out with me. I should have more dignity for myself.

dude, man:

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE,

FOR YOUR OWN GOOD,

STOP TALKING TO HER

please please please.

computerlove you are so right, but I'm so attracted to this person intellectually and emotionally. This girl was proposed to by her ex on Wed. and she told him no. (I know this gets crazier). She said that she told him that he left her and he would never give him another chance. I can't tell in her voice that she is trying to avoid him for now until he goes back to service next month.

Then the girl tells me yesterday that she was in a recruiters office all day taking tests for the Army. She said she has been talking to them for a while and she would be an Army doctor. She said that she would complete her MD next year after boot camp. The one reason she wants to do it is so she can get her specialization in surgery degree (4 more years) for free. She said in the private sector it would cost over $300,000 per year which she says she can't afford. She would have to sign up for 8 years in the Army. She also claims she scored a 99 on the ASVAB test, which anyone who knows this test, this score is incredible. You only have to get a 50 to pass. She also claims that it would be better for her 2 young daughters in the long run if she went into the Army. So the next question comes up, how the hell can she go in the Army if she is sick and has bone marrow cancer? Well she said that she has not been officially diagnosed with bone marrow cancer and the doctors don't know exactly what is wrong with her. It is a mystery. She said she has had health problems since she was 16. She said she knows she could "tough out" boot camp is she really wants to. She has not raised her hand yet to commit to the militiary. However, I'm thinking, where does this leave us if there will ever be an us?

So she calls me again last night and asked when I was going to get a divorce and if I thought it was morally wrong to date her. Yes I'm still officially married and I have discussed this on here before. My wife said she was through almost 2 years ago. My Asperger symptoms definately had a lot to do with it and issues that she has had to deal with regarding her past. I found out I had Aspergers this summer, but my wife still didn't care or work on the relationship. She refused to go to marriage counseling. Anyway, the paperwork is filed and we are waiting for the house to sell. We still live in the same house, but still get along well now for the most part. We are just indifferent to each other now, the anomosity has left. She has seen other people as well.
LOL. So anyway, this girl asked me if I thought it was morally wrong, but she had to go.

She calls me this morning. I tell her that I prayed about my marriage at the time my wife wanted one and now. It seems God has brought this girl to me as a friend or possibly more. No I don't think it is morally wrong to talk to someone or even see someone in my situation. No I'm not worried about any possible ramifications with my soon to be ex wife. I know her (yes even in the face of divorce) and I know that she doesn't want anything from me that is not hers. She is just proud that way. But I ask this girl why would she be asking me about possibly dating if she was possibly going into the miltary? She said, "oh that wouldn't effect us dating that much".

So most of you are saying, "Don't pass and go, don't collect 200 dollars, get the hell out of dodge". lol But you have to admit, this is just too damn interesting not to see where it goes right?

She is crazy crazy crazy, the sooner you STOP TALKING TO HER the better.

Dude, you are beating a dead horse. She already thought about going out with her ex, and didn't care about your feelings about this, did she?

She doesn't give a damn about your feelings.

She basically said:
"There's this guy (YOU) that always is there for me, I can go out with other people, and he is still there!! !"
And she said this to you!
I mean, she told you about it (going out with her ex), telling this isn't common. People do this behind your back. If she told you it's like she invented it all. Did I explain myself?

Maybe the ex doesn't exist, have you thought about that?

So, she is crazy and DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS

She can't go out with you, but she goes out to the recruiters office all day?
Why didn't she call you there for you to meet her?
Be suspicious man, please, for your own good. She doesn't give a damn about your feelings.

She is crazy crazy crazy, the sooner you STOP TALKING TO HER the better.

Be suspicious man, please, for your own good.

next thing, she'll ask you for money for her treatment.


Be suspicious man, PLEASE, FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

I can't really stress how important this is, PLEASE, stop talking to her, please.

She is irresponsible and inmature, she is using you.



You say that you want to STILL continue, after all the times she has dumped you and didn't give a sh*t about you. Did she apologize about the last date (the one you said at 10am). I bet she didn't. I bet she started asking you about your divorce so you forget about that last dump.

It's your turn to dump her.


Dude, I need your phone number, I need to SCREAM at you.


Question about your Asperger and your feelings:

Do you understand HOW MUCH has she been USING you?
And SHE WILL CONTINUE to do it if you allow it.
Do you understand that she will continue hurting you?
Do you understand that she will do it again and again?


Dude, I need your phone number, I need to SCREAM at you.


Dude, be proud, raise your head, you are more valuable than that piece of sh*TT.

God, thanks guys so much, computer love, lola, and the rest of you guys. I should have cut this off at least a month ago. She didn't call me yesterday so I call her cell and left a voice message. She then calls me this morning and says that she is giving her phone to this guy for now and that they are getting back together. She told me not to call that number again. Wow. Part of me believes that she would have never called me back, but she called so I wouldn't call that number to make her boyfriend jealous. She lead me on. Oh and by the way, they moved boot camp up, so she is going next week. Just a bunch of lies. But she told me as early as last week that she would take me with her if I didn't have a daughter. She said that we could still work it out. Can you believe this guys???? I like a dweeb, said yes. Then she says she is getting back with her boyfriend.
I asked her if what we had meant anything and she said of course it did. She said that she just does complete 180s in life and changes so quickly. I cried on the phone. I told her that 180s are fine, but not if a person is involved that you supposedly care about. She said we could still be friends. I feel emotionally raped!! !! !! !! ! There is no other way to discribe it. Is this girl a sadist. My God. Well, you all warned me and my family warned me weeks ago. I guess it felt so good to think someone loved me. ..............................................................................................................................................................................
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But it gets worse, a lot lot, worse. I have her Dad's cell phone because she has used it a couple of times. I call him, introduce myself to him again, and ask him if he can keep what I am saying confidential. He said yes. I tell him everything that has been going on in my life the last 2 months. He said, "you can tell if she is lying if her lips are moving". She is a pathalogical liar." He said that she is not going in the military and that she weighs over 250 pounds. She doesn't have cancer, but is sick, she has diabetes. He said that she going to UCF, but as a psychology major. He said that she was never married because her ex got cold feet. He said that she does have two daughters, but the oldest one does not have Asperger Syndrome. Can you believe this, she lied about her daughter's mental health? Her ex boyfriend did come back in town, and they are dating again. I feel like such a fool guys.

You are not stupid, just trusting and
hopeful and dreamy.
You are still young, there's time to find someone,
if that's what you want.
And don't beat yourself up.
It's difficult after starting to believe someone,
and after all the time you spent
in the reasonably credible part
of getting to know each other,
to step back.
Stay away from her now!
Don't let her tell you any more lies.

xxx o