(non-intelligent) girl has a crush on me

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Questions enough indeed, like "No_YOU_get_over_it" posted, there are some cultural differences especially where I come from. But still a lot of points need to be thought about. And having some new points of view was one of the reasons I raised the question. The answers may be sharp and sometimes hurting, but I think I can put them to good use.

I do hope that people here are not starting to fight... some discussion is nice, but it would be a bit strange to have personal attacks about a question of mine. Be respectful to eachother, that is one of the reasons I like WP.

A bit more about the the original question...
You can notice a bit of influence from a different upbringing, but she has a great character. I admire her perseverance, despite certain people hindering and blocking her she still is really active in her several volunteer jobs. I really admire that in her (that resulted sometimes in some help from me with getting rid of certain people). She has probably a same kind of stuborness I have myself.

Last few days we messaged a bit and she is going to visit in two weeks. She also had some things to talk about, so there will be plenty of place for a good conversation between the two of us.

We all want to be admired. Isn't it great to have a woman to look at you like that?

Is it possible, though, that some part of you believes that by rescuing her, you'll earn her devotion and tolerance of your AS themes?

If on some level you're weighing a trade-off, it's a deal that can only work if it's signed by both in the clear light of day. It may be that entrance to your social circle would be worth far less to her than you presume.

Here's a mental exercise to try. This isn't about factual planning; "I don't know, we'll see when it happens" or "it'll work out somehow" aren't valid answers. Make something up!

First, imagine your lives together in five years. Walk through the course of an average week, imagine the two of you at family and social events, at a ski trip with your pals and their partners. Visualise how you connect during the boring daily routines, and what fun things you do together. Imagine the kind of conflicts that will come up, and how you'll resolve them and make up. Come up with a realistic potential crisis for each side of the family. How would she react, how would you support her? and vice versa. What hobbies or freetime activities would each of you pursue individually, apart from the other?

See what comes up for you. If you like, let me know and I'll give you the second part of the exercise.

Mmmm, you are right. But sometimes I think opinions should be stated clearly. Honesty and tact/diplomacy/politeness often do not mix. (Someone who is truly honest is not being diplomatic, I believe Temple Grandin said something like this.) If it is necessary, or if you think I'm going to far, you can indicate this to me and I will stop posting in this tread.

I can relate with you when you say you like it that she's determined. I'm quite a flip-flop myself, IQ-intelligent but haven't achieved much, because I'm not determined enough. That perseverance is a mental quality (even a form of intelligence maybe) I realized only until later in my life.

I want to say something else too. Earlier you mentioned she asked for help and guidance on the workfloor, and that you had coached her. It is a rule of etiquette for man to help a woman in need. More than once I have noticed, that the woman/girl in question actually knew very well what she was doing. During the teamwork (emotional) contact is being made (I think you knew this already).

If my reading between the lines skills haven't failed me, than I'm not far off saying, that you are not just "giving it a try" but seriously making an attempt figuring out if the two of you are a (near) perfect match. In the case you start a relationship, you don't want the relationship to fail, so she or you might get hurt. If I'm right (I might not be) you and openly questioning if you are just attracted to her physically, hence your concerns about like-mindedness. Because in a relationship a man and a women should connect at three places. *Now indicating the head, heart, and below*

I know where you coming from in these kind of situations. A few women (and Dutch women can be extremely attractive) have created similar dilemmas for me as well. I hope it will work out. Het ligt me na aan het hart.

I guess in your situation it would really depend on her personality. I've found in life that while IQ is nice, having a girl with good direction and what I'd think of as wisdom is still better than a girl with misdirected intelligence. For example I have known girls with 100 IQ's, similar to what you described; but they were more analytical, seems like they'd been raised by intelligent people with intelligent viewpoints, and it also seemed like they had a good intuitive knack for being able to tell who knew what they were talking about on things.

That said, having someone that's both is ideal just because the quality and caliber of the emotional exchange is that much higher and that much more gratifying. Finding a girl with anomalous intelligence is rare though, especially when you want someone with clarity on life rather than snobbish social posturing (the way a lot of the 'intelligencia' are).


I guess the real question for you to ask yourself is this, can you communicate with her? If most of what your saying goes over her head, if conversation feels ungratifying, and especially if she's more of a person to talk at you and not listen - don't do it. If she seems interested, has curiosity for things she doesn't know, likes to learn new things and isn't hung up on any weird outlooks on life that separate her from truth - in that case its likely much less of a problem than you think.

Five pages?

This has been COMPLETELY overthought.

Asterisp, just f*****g go for it. Date her for a while. If it works, great. If it doesn't, that's too bad, but everybody's gotta have a failed relationship sometimes.

And if it works for you but your friends are judging? f**k your friends, becuase if she makes you happy that's all that matters.

Seems that either way, he's not into the girl. So analyzing or making him feel bad beyond that is meanigless. Maybe his reasons are silly (especially objections from his friends), but I doubt that he'd let them stop him if he saw her as someone he wanted to date.

Anyway, I don't have much problem with the statement. It's very difficult to connect with a person who isn't at least near your level in something you value highly in yourself and shares the same interests.

I know I've run into a few situations where I've quickly lost interest with girls that couldn't challenge me even a little mentally. On the other hand I've taken second looks at girls with interesting insights.

A small update for all people here that were so kind to give me advice:

I had a 'city-date' with her; a really nice day. Unfortunately the day was cut short because she had obligations somewhere else (and it was no excuse, otherwise she went on the wrong train). So there was not enough time for a nice deep conversation, we both regret that. Besides the date I chatted and phoned her a couple of times in the last weeks.

I still thinks she is a great person. On one hand I see some differences grow bigger, on the other hand I found some more similarities than I had expected. Which makes the dilemma only more difficult. At least I gave her a lot of opportunities (and also myself).

So I plan to take here to a nature reserve or something like that, so we can have a good talk. She likes to walk in forests and stuff, so that should be ok. Than I am going to make a decision, otherwise it would not be fair .