I'm an NT girl falling for a guy with AS...i need advice

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As someone who dated an Aspie and then married him, here are my thoughts

1. Don't expect him to just "know" what you're feeling/thinking/trying to say. Be honest. He can take it. It's much less stressful for him if you're honest than if he has to try and figure out what's going on in your head. You will save both of you some frustration and moments of miscommunication if you just say what you need him to hear.

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] ok im currently dating an aspie too and ive taken on the advice of truly letting him know what im thinking by just clearly telling him. but what about when i have no idea what hes feeling or thinking. is it just a case of asking? and he sais he loves me and is happy he met me and stuff but because i have normal teenage female insecurities i naturally doubt he means it that much sometimes. now that i understand that aspies are extremely honest, should i not be worried? does it really mean if he didnt mean it he wouldnt say it?

It is a case of asking, but also letting him know that "i don't know" is an acceptable response... many times aspies have to confront complex emotions they don't entirely understand, and if expected to return an answer (which an aspie will assume means a *definitive* answer unless told otherwise), with only uncertainty available as input, he may have a nervous breakdown...

Another thing is to give him some time to process everything... most aspies simply cannot process emotions in real time, but will often just store them in memory to process later... It may take a couple of days, instead of seconds, but he will eventually return a response if given time...

Also, when an aspie says he loves you, he generally means it... and in a much deeper way than most other people mean...

thank you heaps. this is really helping. i tend to get a little hurt when i ask him something and he sais i dont know. i guess i really should stop taking his little quirks so personally. he is who he is and ive never met someone so amazing.

it annoys me how alot of people ive met say that aspies are just jerks who dont care. how wrong they are

O.M.G. I know EXACTLY what you're going through, believe me!

My boyfriend Luke has Asperger's as well. He's not a severe case, but you can tell he has it, and is SO into video games. It kind of bores me, but I don't mind. He's happy when he plays them, so that's all I want. ^^

I'm also 15, and he's 16. Last September, I had started liking him, and I couldn't stop myself. It just grew more and more, and I found myself thinking about him all the time! I had diagnosed myself with a severe case of love, lol, and I pursued him. We were already friends, but around March, my friend Micha texted him and told him I loved him. He began to talk to me right away, questioning about how it felt, and was really intrigued by me. He invited me over to his house to talk and stuff, and we watched movies all day. Now here's where it gets silly. He allowed me to love him, as well as tell him, even kiss him! But he wouldn't love me back. Little did I know, he was having his own battle, as it is hard for them to process to many overwhelming thoughts and feelings. He couldn't decide whether he was in love with me or not. He was confused, and I wasn't helping, but I didn't know any better. But he soon realized it, and then he became distant. He didnt' want to tell me. Later along in our relationship *yes, we're together now*, he tells me that he was distant because he was afraid to hurt me. So here's where I help you.

I asked everyone on here for advice as well, and with my own self knowledge after looking up the syndrome's information over and over again. *Yes, I was obsessed in knowing all about it. lol*, I pushed on in trying to get him to love me and just admit it.

He finally told me, after 7 months, that he loved me on May 2nd of 2008. ^^

Here's what you need to know- Aspies are realists, and with realists come logic and pessimism. As the person who likes the aspie *or even love them*, you need to have a positive attitude. TRUST ME. You need to make sure you can reassure them, but you have to be smart about it. The only way you'll win most of the time is with logic, as well as compassion.

You'll also need patience. LOTS of patience. In a lot of things- conversations, understanding intonations of your voice, everything. But once you get used to it, it's not so hard to do. I love him dearly, so it's quite simple.

Sometimes, even though it seems rude, you need to be blunt. They don't get it sometimes, so it'd just be better for both of you if you're blunt, if the conversation is going nowhere. ^-~

Lastly, make sure you pay attention to what he likes and doesn't like. They're very particular about their schedules, so if you're late to something, or if you do something a wrong way, or even distress him, it could end pretty badly.

Here's a warning and a piece of advice- ASPIES HAVE MELTDOWNS. Big ones, sometimes. PLEASE ask him what happens in regards to them, and what causes them. Typically, they have a fit of rage, and you need to get away fast. There's almost no help for them at that point. Just give him time to calm down, and go back to comfort him when he's done.

The last thing is that loving an Aspie is one of the luckiest things you can do. They're emotionally deep. As in, they're very...true when it comes to feelings, especially the loving kind. If you look at his eyes, tell me- do they seem to tell you how he's feeling, a story of some kind? They're said to reflect their souls. And with Luke, that's true. I can tell what he's thinking, how he's feeling, and that he truly loves me. They're quite intersting to look at.

Just do what your heart tells you. Each Aspie is different, but I hope I've helped. But to stay with him, you will most certainly need patience and a very caring heart. And in return you have love that seems eternal and better than anyone else can give you. The relationship in the beginning will be a little bit awkward, as was mine, but we've never broken up and have been together for almost 9 months now. You just do as I told you, talk to him. Communication is key with him. You have to be sure to tell him everything, because if there's ever a problem, he won't know if you only hint at it. Please message me back with a response. I'm really interested in how it's going and stuff. ALSO, Luke would like to talk to you about it. He's an Aspie, so he's going to know what your guy will be experienceing. Don't worry, he's nice and is quite knowlegable in being social, so he'll be very friendly. ^^ So if you have an AIM, could you send it to me? I'll tell him what it is, and he'll help you out.

HOPE I'VE HELPED! GOOD LUCK!! ^^

For aspies, it's kind of like reminding someone to wear a seat belt before you put the car into gear... Just don't get all flustered when you say it, though, or he will be overwhelmed by the emotional content...