Why are Aspie Men Bitter Towards Women??

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i gave up on girls a long time ago i don' t understand them.

I coulnd't have said it better myself.

I've had women interested in me before, but this is usually what happens:

1. They get mad because I don't pay enough attention to them.
2. They wonder why I don't talk much (although I talk more now than I ever have).
3. They wonder why I don't get out much.
4. If I turn them down, they get frustrated and ask me if I'm gay...evidently they aren't used to guys turning them down.
5. I usually get scared and push them away.

I'm looking for someone that is like me and understands me. Most of the ones I have met so far don't. I did meet someone that is alot like me awhile back, but she was very bitchy and nosey and happens to be married, so I'm not sure about that.

Here are my 2 cents. Be kind.

Why are Aspie men bitter towards women?

For me it is simple. I'm logical.

I am not bitter towards all women, only women that want to be treated like an individual but at the same time use being a women as their defense or excuse for nearly everything. Women that want to be treated as an individual but don't want to be individually responsible for their own actions.

And, if you are an unlucky guy that has only had experiences with women of this nature, then it might be pretty logical to assume all women are like this. Not saying all women are like this, but I have met my share.

Now, most of the times women jokingly use being a women for their defense or whatever, but for an Aspie that may not get the joke, what is the Aspie to think? Aspie thinking...(All women meet up at a convention center once a year to go over all of the new things out there in the world that can now be excused or dismissed because of the female gender while practicing on their methods of delivery to maximize male disappointment).



Peace

[b]Q F T ! !![/i] They play the gender card when it suits them, saying "I'm just a girl after all". Yet males had better stick to their traditional gender roles, or else.

I typed this reply to a different thread but it fits well here, so...copied & pasted...

Aspie males think too much? Of course. Consider the aspie mind: all logic, even when dissecting emotion. Aspies like things they can figure out. The best analogy an aspie male can come up with for trying to figure out women is that they are an unusually complex machine. Since we're devoid of the intuitive empathetic and emotional "feel" for social stuff, we must decipher women by trial and error, with each possible comment or gesture being a single button or lever that, on a machine, would get a consistent and replicable result: insert 75 cents here, press A4 on the keypad, and one Snickers bar is dispensed. The typical aspie male experience - especially among the virgins on here, of which I was one until very recently - is making attempts to understand how women work and coming up empty after many tries. Until my recent breakthrough, at age 38, I was 0 for 300 or so in attempts to get laid and/or into a relationship. This kind of long-term wall of failure, for a group that tends to value and/or possess intelligence, is frustrating to a degree impossible for any woman to imagine.
I know a woman is not a candy machine. We all do, all the frustrated male aspies. With perhaps just a few exceptions, the anti-female rants on here are born of this frustration, and are not indicative of violent tendencies - remember, the aspie male's goal is still to get to know women better. I have never slagged women as a group. I think that the worst of the hostility is not directed at women overall, but at hearing the bad advice and mixed messages that women often give on here (dress nice/money's not important, be confident/be yourself [it's one or the other], etc). It's like the Snickers bar telling me "Just insert 75 cents and press A4 and I'm yours!" and I follow the instructions and it doesn't work...on that machine, or the next 299 machines that I try.
I understand if women on here are turned off by the rants, and perhaps I missed the most inflammatory examples. But again, the aspie male's goal at the end of all the anger and perplexity is still to get into a satisfying sexual and/or emotional relationship. Many of us are capable of being good partners, but it's an exceptionally trying process and that is showing up loud and clear on this forum.

You might be onto something with the control thing. But this isn't just an aspie male trait. I know a lot of men who are bitter with women who do not have AS, they are bitter because they have not had a lot of luck so they eventually just get very bitter, which obviously doesn't improve the situation.

I'm not really bitter or spiteful towards women....I'd say I'm more cautious. I can't hate someone who hasn't done anything to me. Its not their fault I can't understand them and vice versa.

I think this is closest to the point... I know that there's decent women out there... there has to be if the fact that a free society exists is true... But all of my interactions with women that expressed any kind of "interest" in me have all turned out to be fake, mostly to use me for my brainpower... the aforementioned "decent women" category has a bunch of women that just don't like me in that way. They may be friendly with me, but that's as far as they'll go... Personally, I don't blame them at all for that... everyone has their own likes and dislikes, and if a woman doesn't like me romantically, I don't break a sweat about it (at least now... as a teenager that was not the case) and just accept her as she is... But I got dealt the crappy hand in that the women that do "like" me are only after something other than me as a person... I'd love to meet a woman that was romantically interested in me for who I am, but I haven't experienced such in my life thus far, and it's doubtful that I will in the future...

In any case, since the only "interest" in me is faked, I have to, by nature, be cautious about it whenever a woman seems a bit flirty around me... I'm not being spiteful (unless said "interest" turns out to actually be faked), I'm just covering my ass...

I'm 27 and still no dating experience and a girlfriend.The reason I have bitterness towards is because their nothing but professional girlfriends!They want a confident guy,but then all of the sudden guy is unfaithful,wife-beater,alcoholic,drug addict,gangbanger,skinhead,etc.Anyways confidence is overrated,there needs to other good qualities.

I feel the same way. But I try to point out that my bitterness is pretty much exclusively directed at NEUROTYPICAL Women since Ive met only 2 Aspie women in my whole freakin life. Its a shame that many aspie women have such a strong sense of gender identity that they have more solidarity with NT women than aspie men.

In my case, women pretty much NEVER accuse me of being boring but women often complain about me being too intense, aggressive, and pedantic. When I get excited about something and go on about it they get all annoyed and say things like "you think you know EVERYTHING", misconstruing my enthusiasm with arrogance/attempts to show off. Im also constantly chastized for being "too serious" and "taking myself too seriously". When I meet a woman and I start telling her about myself that seems to make them think that I only care about me and not them which is totally FALSE. I continue to have some major problems communicating with women and putting up with how capricious and fickle they are.

I've met a lot more than two Aspie women, and my experiences with them have been across the entire range, although largely positive. Some have treated me like I don't exist, others were rather harsh at times, some are really good platonic friends, and one of them I'm engaged to!

When it comes to neurotypical women though, they seem to be a different species, regardless of whether I find them physically attracictive. Part of that may be that the area I've lived in for the last 25 years (and five days) is especially NT. All the aspects of Australian machismo and anti-intellectualism taken further than in elsewhere, really. However, a lot of them are fickle and capricious on other parts of the country (and elsewhere), so geography's not the only expectation. Let's face it, I shall never be able to play the typicals' dating game. I don't have conventionally attractive looks, I dropped out of high school and am still in an entry-level job with insecure hours, have never owned a car, and just spent half the weekend drawing up a fantasy transit map. Plus my current relationship didn't start until I was 35 (which does create a lot of regret). What's helped to cut through all that is meeting fellow misfits. Sometimes you have cast a wide net (numerically and geographically), but it's definitely worth it. Although I often feel resentful about having to cast a wider net, and having not being able to fall in love at a young age with a young girl in my local area.

It's a shame that most NT women are so narrow and prescriptive in how males are allowed to be, to be considered desirable. Surely it wasn't always like that. Men used to be able to have varying personalities, abilities and interests, and not be in danger of being left to rot because they weren't alpha enough. We've really lost something valuable over the last few decades...

I have to say that my experiences with (young)NT women are totally in agreement with the generalizations that he made. A generalization though is NOT an absolute, it is a statistical inference. If more than 50% of people from a certain group have a particular characteristic than its fair to say that most of them are like *that*. I am very rational and logical, but I am also impatient, impulsive, uninhibited, easily provoked,and emotionally volatile. Women being moody and emotionally doesnt bother me, but what REALLY bothers the sh*t out of me is how fickle and capricious they are. I know what I want but I find that most women really DONT. Or maybe its that the ones who do are uninterested in me and so the ones who dont think that Im someone who is easy to play games with. The more capricious and fickle someone is, the more inclined I am to distrust them and be suspicious of them. If I were in a relationship with someone who's fickle and capricious, I would feel a compulsion to try to control them and even manipulate them into being dependent so they would have an incentive not to drift away from me. I suspect that control and even abuse in relationship stems from conflicting needs and wants among partners. Those who crave loyalty, stability, and the need to feel secure are not compatible tempermeantally with those who are inherently capricious and need to feel free to come and go as the please.

Might I add:

One of the things that DOES make me bitter is the fact that the more I learn about women, the more I realize just how little in common I have with (most of them).

Wow, this is a bit of a bitter thread!

I don't know if I'm qualified to comment being a girl, but I consider myself to have a 'male brain', so here's my two cents.

Basically.... women scare me. I have about 4 close friends who are girls, but they all have a case of 'male brain' like me. The rest of my mates are all guys.

We're (humans) badly designed - women (NT women anyway) are designed to be very empathetic, men (NT men anyway) are designed to be 'tough', food bringers, fire makers, etc. etc. all that crap.

That doesn't work a lot of the time in NT relationships - the 2 sexes' brain don't function in the same way at all, they're not meant to. Then what help have we poor aspies got of understanding one another?

I think there's been a massive sterotyping here - 'women' this, 'women' that. That's not fair. Everyone's different. I see what you're saying, as us women can be real b*****s. But so can guys! And I know women (a lot of the ones I know anyway) stereotype men too... e.g. "Oh that unfeeling ba***** doesn't care about me. He never rings, he never buys me chocolate....." yadda yadda yadda.

Ladies... did you *ask* him to? Male brains work differently - it's been proven so. There's no point not reminding him of your anniversary, and when he doesn't remember it, wait 'til the end of the day and YELL at him! That doesn't work on any level - least of all logically.

But anyway, as I was saying. It's not fair to stereotype women, just like it's not fair to stereotype men. Both sexes should be equal. I think we all know it's not nice to be stereotyped. I used to have a HUGE downer on people in power - anyone in a position of power in my eyes was a corrupt so-and-so. This showed in my posture, my face, etc, therefore they 'knew' I didn't like them though I pretended I did.

So women run a mile when you tell them you have AS. Hurtful, yea. But not the kind of woman you want to be with anyway, so it's their loss. But it could be that 'cause you guys have had negative experiences with some women, you feel bitter towards "all" - even though you may really like them at the same time. Even if you're not feeliong the bitterness at that exact moment, it'll be showing in your posture, your gait, your face, your body language.

As I've learnt, you need to let what is essentially prejudice go if you want to get anywhere with the people you are prejudiced against about.

So some real bit**** have been vile, and that is unnaceptable. But 'cause they upset you si bad, you show it with other, possibly nicer women, who feel maybe you don't like them.

So essentially, women in the past have caused your current problems with women *but* you are the ones who are carrying it one. Life is a b***h, but we've got to let go, or we'll never move on.

Any help?

Raikai

Lets see, where to start....

Bitter because I ask them to be honest and they say they want to be "just friends" but they really mean they want nothing to do with me. They are letting me down easy. They don't mean any of what they say, but thats ok because thats how society is.

Bitter because of the constent rejection. I would like to start as friends, but they are not even giving me that chance. If a women ever means she wants to be a friend, I will never belive because every other women that has said that to me has never meant it.

Bitter because they never respect me enough to be honest. All they are doing is making themselves not feel bad.

Well, I once met an Aspie man at a social function. I hung out with him afterward, and thought that we had a good time, talking about various subjects. He expressed his desire to find a girlfriend, and I made it clear that I enjoyed talking to him, and wouldn't mind hanging out, but that it would go no further than that. Because I wasn't attracted to him. Well, I really meant what I said. I spelled it out. I offered to be his friend.

So, he proceeded to dump me. When another opportunity presented itself to hang out and talk, he dropped me like a hot potato. That smarted. What this guy didn't seem to realize, was that accepting me for a friend, would have helped him to learn how to attract what he wanted. I had said that I was willing to listen if he wanted to bounce ideas off me about any woman he felt attracted to. But he was just a tool.

IMHO, if this guy couldn't be a friend to a woman, I didn't see him getting any further with any woman, beyond the most casual flings. Which, btw, he'd admitted to having a few.