If you're 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?

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Joined: 12 Aug 2015
Age: 43
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12 Aug 2015, 1:58 pm

Robert312 wrote:

A girl friend will not solve your problems. Getting into a relationship can get open up the door to a host of new problems. I had a relationship where the woman wanted us to do only what she wanted to do. Was always right even over insignificant things. Was always trying to make me spend money I didn't have. Insisted I pay for everything even my own birthday dinner. This relationship ended when she attacked me, literally hit and kicked me.

Eventually what I got out of that is I had had about the worst possible thing happen to me that could possibly happen. (Other than being murdered) Hey! What am I afraid of now? I also know the warning signs to look for.

I can also think back to so many times when a girl showed interest in me and I didn't react. One time in Blockbusters the girl had a sticker on her badge that said rent me. I asked if she was for rent. I really think I was on the verge of getting a date but didn't follow through. But rather than dwelling on the past I find it better to cherish the fond memories I have and work on being better prepared when I do have an encounter. I think that someday I'll tell a woman how I have kicked myself for not seizing opportunities in the past and then say, "But If I had. I never would have met you."

Solution to the first problem is to immediately stop dating a person when they get to be unreasonable (like wanting everything their way or treating you like an ATM), so it doesn't have a chance to progress to abuse. (Abuse that's not your fault at all).

The second? Eh, a joke fell flat. If that's all it takes up "end" it, so wasn't meant to be in the first place.

Spiderpig
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12 Aug 2015, 4:57 pm

I've always found focusing on the positives completely pointless. I want to improve myself, not to indulge in telling myself I don't need to because I'm so awesome. And I'm not exactly awesome by any means.

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ProfessorJohn
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12 Aug 2015, 5:47 pm

[quote="RetroGamer87"]A gratitude journal? That's a good idea.

I guess I just have to stop assuming that everyone else has a perfect life. Many do but not everyone.
/quote]

Nobody has a perfect life. No matter what someone has or doesn't have, it doesn't shield them from the problems and challenges that come with life.

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12 Aug 2015, 5:52 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:

ProfessorJohn wrote:

I am plenty flawed and I found a wife and have been married for almost 16 years. We have a really good marriage. She isn't someone who I just "settled" for either. I had a couple of girlfriends before that as well.

The previous poster had it correct-I was very anxious to speak to females most of my life, and when I did overcome that in college I still had the idea that no one would really want to go out with me. I can look back and see how some females were expressing interest in me but at the time didn't realize it.

Fortunately today there are plenty of websites to learn how to spot these cues, and how to appear more attractive to women. The internet was just starting when I was in the dating world. It would have opened up a whole other source of possibilities if it had been there earlier, but I have learned from KraftieKortie to not assume that that would have made my life better today. There is every possibility that it could have turned out worse.

But how did you stop regretting the past?

Even now that I've got a girlfriend I can't stop regretting the years I didn't have one, the missed opportunities, how I didn't get one at the normal age.

That is something that I have struggled with for some time also. As someone else mentioned, a gratitude journal can help. Therapy can help. Realizing that you cannot change the past and just try to enjoy what you have in the present can help. I am far from perfect on not regretting the past, but have been getting better in that area over the last couple of months. I try to remember the good times I had in the past, not what I missed out on, and how being single let me experience some of those times.

MissUnderstud
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12 Aug 2015, 6:51 pm

sly279 wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

being that it is easier for me to be negative than positive, I have to take pains to continue the habit of seeing the silver lining in the dark clouds or [figuratively speaking] at least have an umbrella handy. :idea:

I'm better at seeing the silver lingn for other sand trying to cheer others up.
but I'm also more of a realist. I've seen mistakes happen that I could have avoided. but to point them out before hand is seen as negative. you don't think of worse case situations being positive. and if you dont' thin of them you can't plan for and stop them. do you think the govment think tanks who job it is to do that is made of super positive all the time people.

bob what could happen if there was a earthquake in ____ city

oh you're silly mr prez. they won't be an earthquake ever. stuff is always good, the sun is shinning. lets all hold hands and sing.

then as is real life earthquak happens. what good does ingoring reality do.

I can be a really postive and funny person to be around,b ut so many people get mad at me. see when I'm ppsitive and happy I get hyperactive. I talk more. I want to do things. people prefer me depressed.

There is a happy medium between ignoring bad stuff and constantly dwelling on it.

Bob: What would happen if there was an earthquake in ___?

Well, we have a detailed emergency plan that was done three years ago that is scheduled for its 4 year review next year. Is there anything that has changed that warrants reviewing it this year?

kraftiekortie
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12 Aug 2015, 7:01 pm

I would rather you be a little "hyper" and be happy, Sly.

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12 Aug 2015, 7:38 pm

be excellent to yourself FIRST and LAST.

RetroGamer87
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12 Aug 2015, 11:01 pm

Robert312 wrote:

I also know the warning signs to look for.

What are the early warning signs of a toxic relationship?

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auntblabby
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12 Aug 2015, 11:15 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Robert312 wrote:

I also know the warning signs to look for.

What are the early warning signs of a toxic relationship?

some might be-
*controlling behaviors in general
*scorn when one expresses an opinion different from the other person's opinion
*flying off the handle over perceived slights
*having to "walk on eggshells" to avoid the above things.

MissUnderstud
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12 Aug 2015, 11:17 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Robert312 wrote:

I also know the warning signs to look for.

What are the early warning signs of a toxic relationship?

http://www.stopabuseforeveryone.org

Gavin de Becker's "Gift of Fear".

sly279
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13 Aug 2015, 5:32 am

auntblabby wrote:

be who YOU prefer to be and not what other people want you to be. you gotta be true to YOU.

that only works if you want to be alone.

kraftiekortie wrote:

Wetshaving has to do with using hot water, and letting the steam soften the beard.

Am I correct, Sky?

in the techincial sense its using water to shave. so soaking your face with water , using a sink full of it ot wash razor etc. but in terms now adays it more the traidtional shaving of the past. so you have a shave brush, shave soap/cream, double edge razor or a straight razor though some use mordern safty razors too which is what a DE razor is.

you wet or soak the brush depending on what kind of brush, swirl it on the soap and then lather in a bowl or on your face. the lather is your own custom made its a mixture of water and soap. hench wet. different to each person. then you shave. some also call it traditional shaving. but wet shaving is the most used. so when people say wet shaving is making a come back thats what they mean. DE shaves better and is way cheaper. you dipose of just the blad which cost $0.08 to $0.25 a blade. I use 3-4 a month of the cheap ones.

sly279
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13 Aug 2015, 5:37 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

I would rather you be a little "hyper" and be happy, Sly.

well women and most men don't. you don't actually ahve to deal with the hyper. ADHD annoys people. depression calms that down, where as happiness brings it out.

auntblabby wrote:

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Robert312 wrote:

I also know the warning signs to look for.

What are the early warning signs of a toxic relationship?

i find one has to walk on eggshells with all women. with women its all bout hiding just everything about you. so they can't really eve love you. for example you have to walk on eggshells about sex even if they try to start talking about sex. this is a trap to gt you to talk about it so they can then get mad at you over you talking about it.

auntblabby
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13 Aug 2015, 5:59 am

^^^
those sound borderliney to me.

MissUnderstud
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13 Aug 2015, 8:07 am

sly279 wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

I would rather you be a little "hyper" and be happy, Sly.

well women and most men don't. you don't actually ahve to deal with the hyper. ADHD annoys people. depression calms that down, where as happiness brings it out.

auntblabby wrote:

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Robert312 wrote:

I also know the warning signs to look for.

What are the early warning signs of a toxic relationship?

^^ all women, 3 billion women? The problem is with all the women and not with you?

Making friends with women would likely make you less uncomfortable around women and therefore less eggshell around them. Or you could try being yourself instead of your eggshell self.

RetroGamer87
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13 Aug 2015, 8:20 am

sly279 wrote:

for example you have to walk on eggshells about sex even if they try to start talking about sex.

You know that women actually like sex right? Hell in December 2013 I had one girl dump me because I didn't go at it straight away (not that I was morally opposed to sex but I was still really shy back then).

You can talk about sex with girls. They don't mind. But you can never talk about weight loss with girls, even if they've already started talking about it.

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kraftiekortie
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13 Aug 2015, 8:36 am

You cannot talk about weight issues with girls. You have to skirt carefully around age issues as well.

It's fun for me to guess peoples' ages. But it's pretty much a no-no early on to try to guess a woman's age.

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