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If you're 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?

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RetroGamer87
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16 Aug 2015, 10:32 pm

auntblabby wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Going too far can be quickly forgiven so long as you respond immediately. Going not far enough can result in a failed date.
sounds a lot like "better to ask for forgiveness afterwards than permission beforehand."
The girl will only feel violated if the guy either persists after she's told him no (she may say no nonverbally so pay attention) or if he goes too far too soon (in other words, don't go straight for the finish line. Get more intimate by gradual steps. If she doesn't Mind one step it's a sign she may not mind the next step).

This is how NTs do it. They ask for and get consent without a word being uttered by either party.


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auntblabby
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16 Aug 2015, 10:34 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
This is how NTs do it. They ask for and get consent without a word being uttered by either party.

that sounds scary to me. 8O you need sharp body language ability for that.



RetroGamer87
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16 Aug 2015, 10:40 pm

auntblabby wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
This is how NTs do it. They ask for and get consent without a word being uttered by either party.
that sounds scary to me. 8O you need sharp body language ability for that.
It may be hard for aspies to visually interpret body language but this is done mostly through touch not sight.

If you see her put her hands on the table place your hands in hers. That's the only part that requires sight.

The rest will be done with her face too close to yours to see anything and possibly with the lights turned off.

You ask before doing anything really intimate but never ask permission to kiss. Girls almost always enjoy kissing but they don't think of it as being a major step.


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sly279
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16 Aug 2015, 11:10 pm

auntblabby wrote:
sly279 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
from what I read, it is worth the duckie$.


what?

the Reality FC-2 female condom.


yeah no got that. whats duckie$?



sly279
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16 Aug 2015, 11:25 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
This is how NTs do it. They ask for and get consent without a word being uttered by either party.
that sounds scary to me. 8O you need sharp body language ability for that.
It may be hard for aspies to visually interpret body language but this is done mostly through touch not sight.

If you see her put her hands on the table place your hands in hers. That's the only part that requires sight.

The rest will be done with her face too close to yours to see anything and possibly with the lights turned off.

You ask before doing anything really intimate but never ask permission to kiss. Girls almost always enjoy kissing but they don't think of it as being a major step.


not what the girls here say



RetroGamer87
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17 Aug 2015, 12:47 am

sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
This is how NTs do it. They ask for and get consent without a word being uttered by either party.
that sounds scary to me. 8O you need sharp body language ability for that.
It may be hard for aspies to visually interpret body language but this is done mostly through touch not sight.

If you see her put her hands on the table place your hands in hers. That's the only part that requires sight.

The rest will be done with her face too close to yours to see anything and possibly with the lights turned off.

You ask before doing anything really intimate but never ask permission to kiss. Girls almost always enjoy kissing but they don't think of it as being a major step.
not what the girls here say
What did they say?


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sly279
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17 Aug 2015, 1:59 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
This is how NTs do it. They ask for and get consent without a word being uttered by either party.
that sounds scary to me. 8O you need sharp body language ability for that.
It may be hard for aspies to visually interpret body language but this is done mostly through touch not sight.

If you see her put her hands on the table place your hands in hers. That's the only part that requires sight.

The rest will be done with her face too close to yours to see anything and possibly with the lights turned off.

You ask before doing anything really intimate but never ask permission to kiss. Girls almost always enjoy kissing but they don't think of it as being a major step.
not what the girls here say
What did they say?


its sexual assault. ask first always. some equaled it to rape.



RetroGamer87
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17 Aug 2015, 2:11 am

sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
This is how NTs do it. They ask for and get consent without a word being uttered by either party.
that sounds scary to me. 8O you need sharp body language ability for that.
It may be hard for aspies to visually interpret body language but this is done mostly through touch not sight.

If you see her put her hands on the table place your hands in hers. That's the only part that requires sight.

The rest will be done with her face too close to yours to see anything and possibly with the lights turned off.

You ask before doing anything really intimate but never ask permission to kiss. Girls almost always enjoy kissing but they don't think of it as being a major step.
not what the girls here say
What did they say?
its sexual assault. ask first always. some equaled it to rape.
Yes and they don't have any experience dating women. It is if you carry on after they've told you to stop. Remember that women have catlike reflexes and they'll gently brush your hand away if you move it where they don't want it. They won't be mad so long as you allow your hand to be gently pushed away. If you persist after they've told you not to, then it's sexual assault (also like I said before, ramp it up gradually, don't go for the finish-line straight away.

Here's an interesting video that discusses the difference between verbal and nonverbal consent



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sly279
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17 Aug 2015, 4:47 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
This is how NTs do it. They ask for and get consent without a word being uttered by either party.
that sounds scary to me. 8O you need sharp body language ability for that.
It may be hard for aspies to visually interpret body language but this is done mostly through touch not sight.

If you see her put her hands on the table place your hands in hers. That's the only part that requires sight.

The rest will be done with her face too close to yours to see anything and possibly with the lights turned off.

You ask before doing anything really intimate but never ask permission to kiss. Girls almost always enjoy kissing but they don't think of it as being a major step.
not what the girls here say
What did they say?
its sexual assault. ask first always. some equaled it to rape.
Yes and they don't have any experience dating women. It is if you carry on after they've told you to stop. Remember that women have catlike reflexes and they'll gently brush your hand away if you move it where they don't want it. They won't be mad so long as you allow your hand to be gently pushed away. If you persist after they've told you not to, then it's sexual assault (also like I said before, ramp it up gradually, don't go for the finish-line straight away.

Here's an interesting video that discusses the difference between verbal and nonverbal consent




if you move in an kiss the theres no time to stop it. it happens and you stop sure but it hapen they were kissed when they didn't want to be.

so you know more then women know about women?

we arent' talking about trying to hold their hand. anywhere else. also you seem to be talking about after a few dates and cuddling and trying someting which I think is different as after 2 dates its pretty clear they like you.



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18 Aug 2015, 9:59 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Going too far can be quickly forgiven so long as you respond immediately. Going not far enough can result in a failed date.
sounds a lot like "better to ask for forgiveness afterwards than permission beforehand."
The girl will only feel violated if the guy either persists after she's told him no (she may say no nonverbally so pay attention) or if he goes too far too soon (in other words, don't go straight for the finish line. Get more intimate by gradual steps. If she doesn't Mind one step it's a sign she may not mind the next step).
This is how NTs do it. They ask for and get consent without a word being uttered by either party
.



No, "going too far and apologizing immediately afterwards" is NOT a "strategy", it is a SEXUAL ASSAULT and a crime.

Push-push-pushing a girl into doing things sexually is ASSAULT. And it's a crime. And it's wrong and EVIL.

Something like 1 in 8 women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime (according RAINN) and 90% of women are NT. that's an epidemic of sexual assault, committed by and against NTs.

Quote:
This is how NTs do it. They ask for and get consent without a word being uttered by either party


Emulating the NT rate of sexually assaulting women is criminal not a "strategy" for dating -- it's criminal.

It also suggests that you know you are so repulsive that no sane woman will voluntarily have sex with you. (Which may well be true but raping girls is unlikely to ameliorate this issue).



RetroGamer87
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18 Aug 2015, 10:12 pm

PillowSpider wrote:
No, "going too far and apologizing immediately afterwards" is NOT a "strategy", it is a SEXUAL ASSAULT and a crime.
I never said anything about apologising. Why would I apologise when
I've done nothing wrong?

I never condoned sexual assault. Remember that NTs convey a great deal with nonverbal communication. For them it's normal to use nonverbal communication.


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yellowtamarin
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18 Aug 2015, 10:18 pm

PillowSpider wrote:
Quote:
This is how NTs do it. They ask for and get consent without a word being uttered by either party


Emulating the NT rate of sexually assaulting women is criminal not a "strategy" for dating -- it's criminal.

RetroGamer's statement was not an example of sexual assault, it was an observation of how NTs conduct themselves normally, without sexually assaulting anyone. He even used the words "get consent". That means there is consent.

Your responses to his quotes seem to be talking about something quite different to the things he is saying.



WantToHaveALife
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18 Aug 2015, 11:15 pm

this video right here sort of changed my view on the gender role(a role that I hate) that guys are expected to be the initiators, approaching and talking to the girl first, making the first move and asking her out, taking the lead, etc.:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PODtipE3MHc



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19 Aug 2015, 7:33 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
PillowSpider wrote:
Quote:
This is how NTs do it. They ask for and get consent without a word being uttered by either party


Emulating the NT rate of sexually assaulting women is criminal not a "strategy" for dating -- it's criminal.

RetroGamer's statement was not an example of sexual assault, it was an observation of how NTs conduct themselves normally, without sexually assaulting anyone. He even used the words "get consent". That means there is consent.

Your responses to his quotes seem to be talking about something quite different to the things he is saying.


"Just go for it cuz it's better to ask forgiveness for pushing your luck than permission (which might go nowhere)" was the gist.

If you are apologizing, well, that doesn't sound consentual.

Why not ask? If you're not sure? Or say something like "oh baby I wanna [touch body part]" and await the enthusiastic "mmmm" or "yeeeesssss".



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19 Aug 2015, 7:48 am

PillowSpider wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
PillowSpider wrote:
Quote:
This is how NTs do it. They ask for and get consent without a word being uttered by either party
Emulating the NT rate of sexually assaulting women is criminal not a "strategy" for dating -- it's criminal.
RetroGamer's statement was not an example of sexual assault, it was an observation of how NTs conduct themselves normally, without sexually assaulting anyone. He even used the words "get consent". That means there is consent.

Your responses to his quotes seem to be talking about something quite different to the things he is saying.


"Just go for it cuz it's better to ask forgiveness for pushing your luck than permission (which might go nowhere)" was the gist.

If you are apologizing, well, that doesn't sound consentual.

Why not ask? If you're not sure? Or say something like "oh baby I wanna [touch body part]" and await the enthusiastic "mmmm" or "yeeeesssss".
Just tell her "I want to touch your body parts" :lol: Way to ruin the mood. So long romance.

Let me repeat. At no point the process will I be apologizing to the girl for any reason. There will be no need. You see, the guy must move his hands slowly towards [body part] so that she can feel the approach and has plenty of time to offer subtle redirection of your hands with her hands.

To put it simple, advance slowly and retreat quickly. Instead of having to apologize for touching [body part] when she didn't want you to, you would never have touched it. You already found out she didn't want you too, before your hands got to it. Disaster averted. Prevention, not cure.

That's how it works in the NT world. I'm not saying we should all give up our identities and become exactly like NTs but I still think that knowledge of how NTs interact is very useful for interacting with NTs.


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19 Aug 2015, 2:08 pm

Quote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Going too far can be quickly forgiven so long as you respond immediately. Going not far enough can result in a failed date.


going too far THEN asking forgiveness, as a strategy for getting some on dates, gets you DANGEROUSLY close to crossing the line into sexual assault.