Question for the women, trying to understand something.

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So the teacher punished and gave a zero to your son because he expressed his thoughts about the music?
Thats totally wrong on the teachers part. I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your son. But I would have talked to the principal or someone about that.

Yeah I agree with that.

He did not get a zero grade, he got a zero on his behavioral point sheet. It isn't the same, it is separate from grades and has to do with his program at school that teaches him social skills. And as a matter of fact I DID speak to someone at the school about it regardless. That part did not seem relevant to the conversation.

I find it ridiculous she had to punish your boy over a innocent comment. It's not like he was putting someone down. It was a fricken video for god's sake. Was she so devoted to her video she got offended that a boy thought the music was horrible so she felt he attacked her?

Both my husband and I felt she did a terrible job handling it, but she was just a sub and the people with the Bridges Program (behavioral help) were in agreement with us and did not hold it against him. Rather they just reinforced our talk with him that he could have phrased it better.

Also... my comment seems to have hijacked the thread somewhat...

Maybe because I'm an Aspie...but I like guys like that.

IMO your son did nothing at all wrong. He was expressing his thoughts and feelings about music. Nothing wrong with that.

If I was in that situation, my parents telling me to be honest, then when I'm honest I get punished then my parents corrected me about it, I would be really confused. I would have defended my son. Its clear the sub teacher was in the wrong here.

I'm late to the discussion but I have an opinion as an NT woman. I know it's been said already but I want to endorse the idea that the above statement is too strong to be said on early dates. That would be sending the wrong vibe. The first few dates should be fun and stress free. The "getting to know you" kind of thing.

I think it's okay to say "I like you, it's fun to be around you" after several weeks have gone by, if it's true. Bringing up the word couple shouldn't be done until later when you have been out quite a bit. It's also possible she'll be dropping hints or making moves if she's really interested by that time.

If she feels pressured for too much too fast during the "get to know you" stage, she'll bolt or shut down. She won't want to hurt your feelings and that's when you hear the "friend" talk. It's not so much a lie (to her) as trying to be compassionate to your feelings. Most men women encounter are not Aspie's so they don't know how to deal with it even if you say be honest. It's built into most of us to be polite. As much as you can't change how you are, most of us can't change the way we were raised and the way we deal with people. It would be very difficult to look someone in the eye and say "I don't want to date you and I don't want to be your friend." I hope that makes sense.

It's okay to stick to your morals and opinions as long as you don't push too hard on her and let her be herself too. Let it come naturally.

And when you have children you are free to do just that, however, we are trying to teach him the difference between being honest and being mean. It is an important skill to learn, because if you are always running around being blunt to the point of hurting people you will be alienated. We do not want that for our son.

Yes the sub over reacted, but so did our child. He could have easily said, "I do not like this music." and left it at that. He wasn't "in trouble" at home, he did not get grounded, or put in time out. We were not abusive towards him. We simply sat down with him and had a talk about the difference between honesty (I don't like it/ I am not a fan) and being needlessly unkind and overly dramatic.

For AS men, simply assume there is no such thing as an NT woman. (Sarcasm for those who have trouble)

The truth is fluid. Truth-You want to have a relationship. Also truth-You are probably putting her in a place holder because you have a "bird in the hand".

-Most men see most women as a collection body-parts for the first 30 seconds or so after seeing them. Eventually they assemble into a person with feelings. But not always. Most men have a favorite body part, lets use legs for example.

-If you walked up to a girl, said that you have a leg fettish and you would like to marry her, because you want to have those legs around forever, the answere would likely be no. It may be the truth, but it's not a good technique. Because you realy don't want her, you want something from her. This is called needy, and it's a form of selfishness. It keeps you from having the one thing you want. Women, like all people, value thier time. What you do by asking for a relationship in the first couple of dates it known that you want her time to fill a void in your life. It's about like asking her to step into your needy prison so you can keep her as a pet.

-If you walked up to 50 women with nice legs, asked each of them if they would like to sleep with you and you had no desire to ever have a relationship, you might get one to go with you. (unfortunatly, women with no-self respect or sense of personal safety are everywhere).

-I'm not recomending that you do this by the way. You will get slapped, and you may get arrested.

Here are some recomendations-
Take dance lessons. You get to touch women in a non sexual way and you will become used to things like holding hands, talking to strangers, asking someone to dance, smiling, etc.. It is empowering, even if you are a horible dancer.

Ask women out for somthing innocent, constantly, but innocently. Don't call it a date. Just ask if she wants to get a cup of coffie or tea. Don't say you find her attractive or not. A cup of coffie or something at the local bookstore. If neccessary, start with someone that you could never truly see yourself in a relationship. It's called a confidence target. Then just listen to them. It's like a magic spell, that listening. Don't ask her out again. Don't mention a relationship. If she wants to go out, she can call you. On to the next cup of coffie with the next girl.

I know what many of you are going to say..it's cruel to use someone as a confidence target. DON'T LEAD THEM ON-YOUR JUST HAVING A CUP OF COFFIE---REALY! NTs actually do eat, drink, have coffie, and chat without having to decide if they are marrage material instantly. They realy do.

Next, start bouncing. Not a second date actually, but if things are going well, you can always finish you coffie, and go do somethign else. Go to mall and go cloths shopping. DON'T BUY HER ANYTHING-IT IMPLIES OBLIGATION. Just ask her advice and shirts or something. Let her talk.

If things are going very well, you may even get dinner. Don't talk about yourself or your interests. Ask her questions, let her talk.

Now, you need to re-define your idea of a relationship. It's not a marrage that requires an official proposal. It's simply a series of dates. You can casualy mention that you can only pay attention to one girl at a time, and you have no desire to see anyone else AT THE MOMENT.

If you can't supress your personality for 3 dates, you sure won't be happy doing it for the rest of your life. You don't like to hide what's on your mind. But that's what's neccassary to be in a long term relationship.

I recomend serial dating. It worked for me for years, I was happy. I could supress my personality long enough to get a girl interested, we could have mutual fun, then I could start being myself and she would go away. Never realy hurt anyones feelings (to my knowledge). And I could do it without lying, being misleading, or hurting anyone. This called the reverse break up. Simply stop trying and the relationship peters. If you stop trying, and the relationship still goes on without effort, then you have a real problem. I'll talk about that later