Signs of the "not potential partner"-zone.

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I have talked to a few theripsts about this. They all say that feeling angry about the consit rejection is normal. It seems like everyone here is telling me its wrong to feel how I feel and I am not allowed to express it. Look at how HH is attacking me.

No, KenM, you're not following. I'm not saying it's wrong to feel anger. I'm not saying it's wrong to actively cherish it the way you do. I'm saying it scares people. As I've repeated all along, you're free to do so anyway if you want; it's your choice.

You seem to want me to stop telling you that people are scared of scary people. I'm not sure how that's supposed to help anyone, least of all you.

Oh, could you point out the "attacks" you're claiming I'm making? The ones that are more extreme than telling a thread with women posters that you identify with massacring women, since that evidently qualifies as acceptable behavior to you?

ETA: To clarify, I said all this resentment-gardening is dysfunctional. That is not the same as morally wrong, which I know you know since you keep saying you're extremely literal about language.

Actually, that's not true. At least with regard to the really nasty body part chopping serial killer types. These people (Ted Bundy being a famous example, John Wayne Gacy, Charles Sobhraj, also Charles Manson etc ) are usually *very* charismatic.

What you are describing is a *wish* for the how the world should be, a wish that makes us feel comfortable. In reality..it is somewhat different, or violence would be so easy to avoid and not endemic.

It is true that most people have a definite idea of how a violent killer or sexual abuser would *look* or the impression they would give on meeting. However, that idea is grossly inaccurate. One often hears the phrase "but he seemed so normal" when those people are caught.

I believe it likely that there are people unfortunate enough that despite being decent, non-violent, all round good people at heart, some physical feature beyond their control can trigger 'false warnings' in others. Especially when it appears most of us place far too much faith on our ability to glean psychological information from others based on their appearance (including body language).

And perhaps after being treated with suspicion for a few years, they start to get a little hmm.. 'bitter'. It in no way means they are violent, but this is little help when everyone else believes you are different to what you really are thanks to their super-spidey infallible psycho sense

Last edited by ManErg on 01 Nov 2009, 12:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Show me where I said that I like to feel this way. You are the one saying I enjoy it and thrive on it. You are assuming too much. I can't help to feel how I feel. I have tryed to change to not feel as angry but nothing has helped and I feel I have tryed everything and at the end of my rope with this.

ROFL. No, KenM, you know very well I never said that you enjoy it or thrive on it. Since you keep saying that you are very literal about the use of language, I know you know that is nothing like what I said.

Right, but who said I was talking about them? I certainly never said so.



ROFL. If you actually read what I said, that interpretation is not possible, since I keep going on about how women can't know which men are harmful and have to rely on probabilities and guesswork.

This conversation's really going in a big semantic loop, could likely play itself out ad infinitum.

KenM - I think the fundamental premise being suggested is that emotions or even emotional responses aren't involutary. People can't 'do' your emotions to you as they're your own physiology. The world treating you like crap is one thing, letting the world get the best of you is completely another story.

I once told a guy I wasn't looking for a relationship and I only wanted friends. Well I met my husband and I also told him I was not looking for a relationship. But he kept visiting me and I invited him to come to Spokane with me and we both bonded and then I wanted a relationship with him but felt I wasn't ready. He was the kind of man I liked and I liked how he treated me and then a month after we met, we were together as a relationship. See I didn't lie. I was not really looking for one but then I changed my mind. I just had to find the right man.


But according to KenM that would have been lying

*sigh*


You know full well what that means now. People have told you what women mean by "lets be friends" but you choose to take it literal. That's not the AS because you full well know what it means now because you have been informed. Even I know what it means after reading about it here.

It would at least refreshing to think that that sort of mercy could go full circle. I think a lot of people have the problem of not knowing that they'd want someone until they get to know them - in my past though it seemed like anyone who was interested felt that they needed to ram the gates immediately and if I didn't respond just as quickly that I'd snubbed them, after that - too late. My friends even told me most people refuse to operate that way, that you just can't think like that because its just not the way to do things, and that I'd be left out for good if I couldn't get over it. So far it seems like they're right, though I can't say 'getting over it' would have yielded anything close to good results.

Yes after reading posts on here I know what it means. Its code for meaning "I want nothing to do with you" put in a nice way so you don't feel bad yourself when you put someone down. Instead of just coming out and saying what you are really feeling they choose to disrespect you and lie to your face even after I tell them to please give me the truth.
It does not mean I have to like it. If they choose not to respect me after I asked them to tell me the truth and they still lie to me, then I don't have to respect them. Good ridence.

So in essence what you're saying is that most men, if faced with the truth of the fear the women is feeling, plus the truth that her desire to say whatever she might just to get rid of him is ok, would become violent and stalkerish?

Or are you saying that most men who are rejected become violent and/or stalkerish if they find out they were lied to as the reason why no contact is wanted?

Or are you saying she has a right to lie no matter the circumstances, that her fear (inappropriate or misplaced as it may be) justified hurting him by lying, and that in effect his feelings are of no import whatsoever?

Or are you saying that women incorrectly perceive all rejected men as potentially violent/potential stalkers?

If any of these represent your opinion I sure hope you don't represent women in general because if so we are doomed.

Me I am the truly nice guy who respects women's right to say no for whatever reason EXCEPT lying in so doing.

And YES, she owes it to him to tell him IF he makes her feel scared - so he can IMPROVE OR LOGICALLY REBUT IT

The irony being that most successful mass murdering men are quite charming, so armed with that knowledge if I were a woman I'd be inclined to think that whoever I was scared of (short of a knife-wielding maniac on PCP) probably was NOT violent just awkward, and that on the contrary the most charming man of all probably WAS dangerous, with evil intentions, because he is a sociopath who knows how to play you, the Sodinis of the world notwithstanding.

Put a cork on it he is sounding suicidal. do not argue under such circumstances it makes you look like a fool

QFT or HQP, whatever you call it.

Ken, sometimes its very hard for women to be friends with men they've rejected because the men take it very badly, and they have no choice but to cut them off to help them get over it.

IIRC you've made threads about previous Girlfriends you've had, how people have kissed you and how you went on two dates with someone.

Also ages ago you made a thread about a woman you were having casual sex with on a regular basis. So what you said there is either a lie or a contridiction.

A lot of people have never even had those. They haven't had anything. I'm not saying you don't have a right to complain, but for someone who complains about liars its not very cool to blatently lie yourself.