Why do women always like to mess with guys?

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Well you obviously know that "lets just be friends" means "I'm not interested in you" but you want her to say it another way to make her uncomfortable for rejecting you. If you know what it means, why do you whine about a girl saying it to you?

As for the airport girl, it wasn't your business if she was seeing somebody, and if you wanted to put some kind of strings attached to the ride to the airport then just tell her what you want, and if that's acceptable to her, then she will do it, but probably not.

Ya know, after reading this thread I've looked at some of your other posts and I would suggest learning some charm and respect and make it about her and not about what you want her to say and then maybe you'll find somebody. Or you might end up finding some woman with no self esteem who will do anything for any man anywhere to notice her.

PaganMom

Maybe it's not the women. Maybe it's you.

PaganMom

Misogyny is either hatred or extreme contempt for women/girls. I use the term misogyny a lot, however I use it in the tense of embitterment or contempt for women romantically because of past grievances and rejections. Misogyny can be defined as all out hatred for women/girls, just because they are women/girls, or it can have various degrees of severity.

In my case, it is a very negative attitude towards women I naturally find attractive romantically. Why? Because like you, and countless guys on this forum, we have been rejected multiple times without good explanation and for no logical reason by women we find attractive. As friends, women are great to be around, as relatives, once again great to be around.

But once you open up to a girl you find attractive romantically and you get stabbed in the heart by the sting of rejection multiple times, it is EASY to resentment and detest women romantically.

Wikipedia also makes this note:

Misogyny is a negative attitude towards women as a group, and so need not fully determine a misogynist's attitude towards each individual woman. The fact that someone holds misogynist views may not prevent him or her from having positive relationships with some women.

Conversely, simply having negative relationships with some women does not necessarily mean someone holds misogynistic views. The term, like most negative descriptions of attitudes, is used as an epithet and applied to a wide variety of behaviors and attitudes.

It is. I have seen too many of his posts that yell out RUN.

Well that is an interesting story, and you make a lot of sense with what you say. As for myself, I don't openly talk about past rejections and past embitterment that I've had against women to people (male or female) that I know, unless they have had similar experiences, by which they can relate to me. That would be a terribly foolish thing to do, because it would obviously change their perspective of you considerably. Not only that, but it would chase off any women who might have some interest in you. After all, don't women like confidence and hate negativity?

But here, I am not bond by personal beliefs and opinions of those who know me, who might be influenced or appalled at my personal beliefs and ideas. Here I am free to be me in totality, and to speak my mind. Thus I'm a little more forthcoming with my ideas and opinions since there is no threat of embarrassment or rebuke.

My female peers don't even know my feelings concerning this subject because I hide it well. But how could they know anyways? How could they possibly know what it is like to be single for 8 years (I'm counting from 15 onwards, which is the start of the typical dating age)? How could they know what one does to ease that loneliness in that time? How could they comprehend such things? No, they are ignorant of it all, they have no point of reference. So even if I told them about my personal embitterment and loneliness, they wouldn't even be able to relate.

You know, I see a lot of women on this forum getting angry at guys for making accusations against women based on generalizations from lack of relationships or negative relationships. And I can perfectly understand, no one likes being called out and criticized for the actions of a few (or many, depending on the case), I really can understand that.

But really, how many women can relate to such loneliness? Sure, at some in their lives, women are alone. Sure, women may have relationships with guys that end badly. These are always constant variables. However, who many girls, neurotypical or autistic, have been as single as a lot of us guys on here? I'm talking anywhere from 5 years to 20+ years. How many times have you girls been rejected?
The attitude changes dramatically when you put these things in account.

The question comes down to this: How many times are you going to get stabbed in the heart before you realize the futility in trying? How many times will it take for you to be kicked while you're down before you accept being down and out for good? This is exactly where the OP is at, he realizes it isn't worth the pain of rejection anymore.

You know, trying, putting yourself out there, it is all good in theory, but if it doesn't achieve the desired effects, why try again and again? Why put yourself through that? I understand what he's saying, and I can certainly understand where he is coming from. I'm just throwing out some food for thought, I'd not angry at anyone on here, I just thought I'd throw my own take on all of this.

For starters, I said in an eariler post in this thread what I am going to try to do to change my atitude and look and do things diferently.

For some reason when I women says "I just want to be friends" it causes me to think that they are not being honest with me and don't respect me enough to tell me flat out they are not interested. I have been told that so many times I have no idea if they really mean it, or if they are just trying to let me down easy. From now on I am going to assume they want nothing to do with me and not think about it and walk away.

As for the airport girl, I was not interested in her romantically at that point. I thought it would be nice to hang out and do some stuff before her trip. I asked her if the reason she did not have time to hang out was because she was seeing someone romantically, I won't be mad, but just let me know. She said she was not, but a week after I picked her up from the airport she told me she was seeing someone at that time. So I was flat out lied to and disrespected. Thats what I did not like. This was someone I told that I had AS and what that means is I need people to try and be truthful, ect.. I did not care she was seeing anyone, but the fact she could not tell me the truth is what ended our friendship. She only used me for a place to stay when she was over from nantucket and for rides to the airport. When we were driving home from the airport, she called what I think was her BF over on the island. She wanted to know if he wanted anything at burger king because we were going to stop before we got to the other airport to take her to the island. She did not bother asking me, her so called friend if I wanted anything until after she ordered her food and the food for her friend. I said yes I did want something. I ordered a meal. I figured she would ask if I wanted something because i was doing her a favor, taking the day off from work to pick her up and driving up to boston and back. But she thought so little of me. One other time we were walking around the mall, she ran into a friend of hers and started talking to him. She did not bother to bring me into the conversation or introduce me or anything like that, all of a sudden I was not there in her eyes. And people say people with AS need social skills?
Stuff with her was building, she was using me and I did not feel a freindship with her. Thats why I broke it off with her, not because I had feelings for her romatically.

Last edited by KenM on 22 Nov 2009, 9:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Back when my stepsister and I were in high school, she was always going out on dates with people every weekend. I always got rejected asking anyone out pretty much until college. one saturday night my stepsister was waiting for this guy she was going to go out with to pick her up. He never showed. After an hour of waiting she said to me "wow, being rejected and stood up really sucks, its never happened to me before."

So I can see where you are coming from with that.

You don't sound like you have tried to understand one word anybody has said to you.

"Just friends" is a SOCIAL NICETY. That's all. Do you feel like somebody is lying to you when they ask how you are and don't really care, it's just a greeting? Do you feel that it's a lie when somebody says "see you later" and they have no intention to? It's the same thing. It's just a nice way to turn a guy down for a date. It's a phrase. It sounds like they may say that to you hoping you would understand, (which you do btw, obviously since you have b***** about it in numerous posts) but you want to harrass them by asking if they really want to be your friend and why they dont like you etc. You need to stop that first. Accept, even if you don't like it, that 'lets be friends' is a phrase, a way of turining you down, even if you don't like that phrase. It's like "Ive got to wash my hair". If you asked a girl out and she turned you down for a date, using that as an excuse, would you try to ascertain the next day if she really had washed her hair, then be all upset about it if she didn't? Somebody has the right to turn down a date using whatever excuse they so desire, true or not. Just because you have AS does not change her right to say what she wants. I have AS too, and when I hear things enough, I know it's not meant literally. Nobody is going to change an entire society's phrasing just to suit you. I'm sorry, but it's not gonna happen.

BTW, I guess you could say I LIED to you just now, because I said "I'm sorry" when I'm not, but again, it's a phrase.

The airport girl's relationship status was none of your business. It's as simple as that. AS doesn't mean you are entitled to know the answer to everything you ask. It also doesn't mean that other people can't answer in whatever way they so choose. As for the food, she DID ask you if you wanted anything. You were with her, and going to BK, so I'm pretty sure she figured that she could ask you there, not before anybody else. Now your just whining because she asked her bf first on the phone, ordered hers, and then asked if you wanted anything. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If I'm in the car with people and go to a drive through, I'll order what I need to for me and whoever elese then ask if they want anything.

Not introducing you to her friend she stopped to talk to is borderline rude, depending on who the friend was. You are not going to be the center of someones attention constantly.

Now that you know that "just friends" means "no thanks" are you going to stop fussing over it? It's just a way of answering. Nobody is going to change an entire societies way of communicating for you, me, or Joe Blow down the street. That's just how it is, I learned it, I have AS just like you do, and so can you.

PaganMom

Do my posts yell out RUN or no?

to me, your post yell out that your very insecure and would be 'hard work' and emotionally draining. I think you should stop useing the 'negative affirmations' of having 'unlovable' writen everywhere and buy some books on confidence building and self esteem. Even if working on your self esteem does not get you a girlfriend it would make you feel better.

I do like you lots though and enjoy your posts and Im not saying that to be mean but to be frank and honest, I hope that I have not hurt your feelings.

You know, reading the frustration and outright bitterness of men in this thread, I'm glad I'm completely over that point of my life.

Most of this is typical "I like attractive women but they don't like me or take advantage of me." I'm not saying women are angels - in fact, I dropped out of college because two average looking girls in my class were harassing me, making fun of me, day in and day out and thought I wasn't paying attention until I went to the Dean and reported it. Sad to say, the only reason the school took it very seriously is because I told them I have Aspergers and they said it was discrimination. The girls were forced to apologize, but I told the school flat-out that I didn't want an insincere apology, and that they just had to live with the fact that they were bad people.

You don't see me sounding like I want to go on a murder spree. Most of the guys on here are just frustrated that they can't get women out of their league, that they probably wouldn't want anyway if they didn't think she was physically attractive.

Maybe lower your standards and find a woman that it is suitable for you. I know looks matter to a degree but I'd take the cute girl with the nice personality over the better looking one that's difficult to deal with.

May I also suggest, a lot of the guys in this thread and forum in general sound desperate and needy. What you guys need is a woman who's just as desperate and needy as you, not used to male attention, and just grateful that someone is giving her a chance. There are PLENTY of these women on free dating sites like okcupid and plentyoffish...so aspergers and lack of social skills isn't an excuse.

Think about it, you're needy, demanding, and mad at attractive women or women that don't want you. A less attractive woman that isn't used to get any attention other than from guys that want to use her for sex will appreciate your desire for a girlfriend. The women you seek have been dating for years, and even if you were their type, you'd just be another guy she was dating. It wouldn't mean as much to her as it does to you. What you need is a woman that will think "Wow, I have a boyfriend" and won't care that you're emotionally desperate and needy.

Until they actually experience it. They would drive each other insane with their wants.

Personally I think extreme neediness cannot be matched. Or at least it would require many permanent staff/management.

The solution is learning not to be so dependent on people for you every whim, and that a relationship is about mutual benefit.

Anyway I wouldn't tell people to give up. Maybe Ken should give up. He is a black and white thinker, and holds people to unrealistic standards that even he wouldn’t be able to meet. I don't know, and have no evidence to indicate whether he can change that. He may actually be happier if he doesn’t try at all. But if he want to give up, he has to put some effort into not being sucked into the same cycle of behaviour.

T

I have already said that I have to work on the 'lets be friends ' thing. I am trying. As far as the thing at BK with the other girl we went in she ordered the food for her and her friend. Then after she ordered she looks at me and asks if I wanted anything after she ordered the other food. Like I was not even there. Shbe used me plan and simple.

Nah you didn't hurt my feelings... I asked for an honest opinion and you gave one... I'm not so insecure that the slightest criticism makes me break down like that... in fact, being so hard on myself protects me from that outcome, so there is some consolation there...


Do I sound bitter or like I want to go on a murder spree?

You got a lot to learn, you read way too much into things. You can view that situation in so many different ways. Are you not able to order food for yourself? Let it drop.

You can’t expect to be on the same terms a people who have been friends for a while.

You are not giving people the benefit of that doubt, and you expect them to be perfect when you are not. You need to learn that people will continue to disappoint you, but nothing can continue to disappoint you more than you negative attitude towards people. It is as if people can’t even take a s**t without you reading something into it.

People are animals; they behave like animals, stop expecting them to behave like saints.

If you want someone to be you friend you need someone who is going to accommodate some of your quirks. they are not going to do that if you don't cut them some slack. There is nothing in it for them.

Last edited by 0_equals_true on 23 Nov 2009, 12:16 pm, edited 2 times in total.